Krushchev's Prediction

 In a couple of days,  it will be two weeks since the election. It seems like an eternity.  After the shock came anger. After the anger came depression.  After the depression, now...apathy about life.

Some will probably say I'm overreacting.  Some might say to put my hope in God. And then others will absolutely understand.

Many times in my life I've been told that I'm too sensitive. (Usually by the same people.) When I finally quit listening to them and started thinking for myself, I realized how absurd they were. It's like saying "You're too Hispanic,  or you're too Asian, or you're too Jewish. 

My country feels like it's about to change in a way where there's no turning back. Russia, once our worst enemy because of the oppressive tyrants who ruled, is now fast becoming our friend. The Ukraine, who was happily living independently of Russia, was invaded by Putin who went on a killing spree to seek power. Now, we've elected a president who Putin praised and congratulated.  

Where has our sanity gone? Our morals?

It's like Viet Nam all over again only on our soil. Who's the enemy now? The "Cold War" this time is with our own people! I shouldn't be surprised though, because in the '50s, Krushchev said the Russians would destroy us from within. 

"David Brinkley on NBC in 1956, reported on his Nightly News program,[Huntley–Brinkley Report] what Nikta Khrushchev said earlier that day. "we will take America without firing a shot. We do not have to invade the United States. We will bury you from within”, that was Khrushchev's speech on 11/18/1956."

This isn't like the first time trump was elected, in my opinion,  it's worse. He knows how to play it all out so he can set his family up to retain power. Putin did the same for himself. 

Well, that's all I have. Sad, but true. I'd like to say, "I hope....."(Fill in the blank.) But I can't,  at least not for the United States. All I'd like to do is set up a way our kids, and their kids can leave if they choose to do so. 

Lyrics from a song by Sting, says it all and is so appropriate for now. I changed the names for updates.

"In Europe and America there's a growing feeling of hysteria

Conditioned to respond to all the threats

In the rhetorical speeches of the Soviets

Mister Krushchev said, "We will bury you"

I don't subscribe to this point of view

It'd be such an ignorant thing to do

If the Russians love their children too

How can I save my little boy from Oppenheimer's deadly toy?

There is no monopoly on common sense

On either side of the political fence

We share the same biology, regardless of ideology

Believe me when I say to you

I hope the Russians love their children too

There is no historical precedent

To put the words in the mouth of the president?

There's no such thing as a winnable war

It's a lie we don't believe anymore

Mister trump says, "We will protect you"

I don't subscribe to this point of view

Believe me when I say to you

I hope the Russians love their children too

We share the same biology, regardless of ideology

But what might save us, me and you

Is if the Russians love their children too."

January. 2017

They say talking shows you're not at peace with your own thoughts. I think it applies to writing as well.  i'm devastated by what this new, so called president has done regarding immigration.

All of a sudden I'm feeling like I live in a beautiful, claustrophobic box.  Being raised and grounded in a Christian belief I can't believe Christians are not in an uproar. This is so not what Christ taught. I'm sick and I can't shake it.

November 13, 2023

 My mother always said, "suffer anything for beauty".  But she was brought up in the '30's and 40's.  And of course the '50's left much to be desired for the mentality of women. 

Things have sure changed thank God!!! Still, I think we have a ways to go. Our culture, and many cultures of the world have made women look like property.  Once, I asked a friend of mine his views on women, mind you, his religion is very chauvinistic.  He said he wants to take care of his wife, as he would a piece of fine clothing.  Hmmmmm???? Revealing!

In any case, I still value beauty in everything; my environment, art, myself.  I love beauty!  All this aside, I'll focus on personal things that my mother didn't tell me about growing old, especially for women who still want to be beautiful later in life.  

My mother didn't tell me to get a magnifying mirror.  WOW, the things that show up when you look into a mirror that's 10 times magnified.  She did tell me never, ever to shave my face because that leaves your skin rough and it causes hairs to grow back so much faster  Plucking....pluck that hair but make sure to get the root.  I guess you could also go to a salon that does laser, but I don't choose that. 

She didn't tell me that women lose hair too, hair on their head.  Just like men.  Is that the extra testosterone women have after menopause, or just a decrease of estrogen?  Not sure, but she didn't talk to me about estrogen or testosterone.

Mom didn't explain what "growing old gracefully" really means.  But for me?  It means be kind to yourself, and you'll be kind to others.  Do what makes you feel good in your own body. For me it means exercise and strength training.  If you do that, especially lifting weights, Osteoporosis will stay far from you.  I also take advantage of modern medicines answers to anti-aging whether it be products, fillers, techniques or surgery.  But that's just ME! Did I mention how much I love botox? I do! 

 

Shitty Year So Far Part 2, 2024

 This has been a shitty year! It started around this time last year when, after a routine blood test, I received a call from my doctor. Like, a personal call, not from his office, or the receptionist,  but from him. I've never, in my adult life, had a doctor personally call me. But he did. Of course, this was an extremely rare time when I left the house without my phone. Go figure! However, he left a message that he would call back after five. 

When I heard him I knew there was something ominous that showed up in my blood. He said I had high lymphocytes (which then, I had no idea what they were), and he was concerned about luekemia.  He quickly, very quickly said, I'm not saying you have it, but we just want to make sure. 

I asked questions, he answered and added he would contact a clinic that specializes in "that". That clinic was a cancer center. The person I was seeing was an Oncologist.  I would see the Oncologist in December. He's a great guy, very encouraging,  but told me nothing new. Instead he just ordered a five vial blood test. Did I mention that having my blood sucked out of me while a needle is sitting in my arm psychologically creeps me out???!!! Well, it certainly does. But I was about to quickly get used to it.

The blood test was done, and on January 24th I was diagnosed with Chronic Lymphocytic Luekemia. Otherwise known as CLL. The only symptom I have is fatigue. I wondered if it was just me getting old, or if it was the CLL. Fatigue is a common symptom of the cancer. But, it was stage 0 and I was put on Watch and Wait,  required to have blood tests two to three times a year, and finally told that if I had to have cancer, this was the "good kind". I would die with it rather than of it. So... hello roomie! I hope you'll be comfortable floating around in my body, in my blood.  Maybe we can make a pact; you won't bother me, if I don’t bother you. Deal? (Unfortunately, I don't think cancer cares about pacts!)

The following day, my beloved blue eyed boy, Milo, collapsed in our back yard. The day before he seemed fine. Little did I know! We rushed him to our vet, she told us a mass behind his spleen had burst and he was bleeding internally. We could remove his spleen and check for cancer, but 95% of the time it is cancer. Plus, if successful, even that would only give us a small amount of time with him. We had to make the, beyond horrific,  decision to euthanize him that day, on the spot. To say I was sick with grief would be an understatement! Then, four weeks later, Rosco, our other beautiful Aussie was diagnosed with the same thing, but his was a slow bleed. The doctor gave him days. A week later we had him euthanized at home when he quit eating and drinking. I held  him and told him how much we loved him and what a good boy he was.  Even typing this sends pangs of pain in my heart. It's so difficult!

Later, I found out that what they both had was a Hemangiosarcoma, a relative of blod cancer. (The Aussie down the street died aound the same time, of the same thing.) I still cry for my beautiful boys. 

May came and with that, another blood test which found that my lymphocytes had elevated yet again. So another blood test followed by an appointment was set for November, this month.

After the devastation I felt with the election, which was a week ago today, I didn't think it could get any worse. But I read the results of my blood test last week, and my lymphocytes climbed once more. Even before I knew, I felt the fatigue getting worse.

People may read this and think that I need to cover myself in prayer, adorn myself in positive mantras, and just be grateful that I'm alive. Okay, fair enough. But with this string of negativity, I'm done trying. I'm old-ish! Of course I know that there are so many that have it a billion times worse than me. But I'm not comforted with any of that and I've become apathetic. 

So, it's been a ridiculously shitty year that will spill into the next. I'll take it day by day. 

What am I grateful for? Elliot! My sweet, sweet boy who I rescued from death row at the county shelter.  And he truly seems grateful for me. His affection, his smile (yes, he lifts his little lip up and actually smiles whenever I come home after being gone) and his snuggles say over and over again that he loves me, and is grateful for me. How cool is that? So, there ya have it. If you've read this far without a lot of judgment or trying to fix me, a huge thank you for caring enough.  Love to you. And here is my beautiful boy!

The Death of Hope, November 6th, 2024

 I feel as if there's been a death. Because really, there has been. My hope and faith in this country has died.

I can't eat, I haven't gotten dressed and it's the middle of the afternoon. I can barely move. Anything positive is far from my mind as I sit paralyzed in disbelief, and fear. This shadow of a human my country has apparently elected, is dark source of evil and division. He claims he has the answers and he'll fix the world. Yet his character is as obviously flawed as an airplane that can't fly. So very dark because he appeals to angry white men, Stepford Wives, White Supremacists , and the list goes on. 

I feel emotionally and physically drained knowing what is about to happen. And it's not good. As a matter of fact, it's very, very bad!

I've always used the mantra, "move towards love". Not anymore. Love didn't save this country of diversity and former freedom. If it exists, it's hiding; cowering behind hate, and the endless money that fueled trump’s campaign. It's such a dark, depressing day that's only going to storm down hate and intolerance. 

 If you're white, with money and family support to prop you up....you'll stay in your little bubble. But whatever goes wrong in your mind, you'll blameshift. Guaranteed! That's my prediction. 

The walls that have been built are not just on our borders. They are standing high and strong between friends, family and acquaintances. They'll never come down unless there's a miracle.  And I'm not sure I believe in miracles anymore. I wish I did.

Election Day 2024

 This is a difficult blog to write. I'm tired of it all, to be honest. I feel like a threadbare piece of clothing; all my emotions numbed by division, contention and arguing.  And the arguing is like watching two middle school kids having it out on the playground. 

Let me clarify though, I don't include Harris herself in the metaphorical schoolyard fights  She has responded wisely to all of Donald's silly rhetoric about her personally. But I definitely see trump ranting on and on, not about policy or intentions,  but about calling names and saying how horrible our country is without him.  Some that are backing Harris, they too, are in on the childish sparring of name calling, blame shifting and all out meanness.  But the sad fact is, I side with them. I don't promote their passionate hate, but I understand! Trump’s cronies just mimick him and his insults, with name-calling, and blaming whoever they think is against him.  They're ruthless as they spew their own brand of unreasonable hate!

Then there are the people who support trump based on his anti-abortion stance. Most of these people are religious and believe God is passionately against "the shedding of innocent blood". However these very same people have no logical explanation as to why God, (in the book of Exodus 11:5, 6, the 10th plague) killed the firstborn sons of all Egyptians. I'd say that was massive bloodshed!

Regarding those who are against abortion, I personally don't know one individual  who financially supports a single mother who has chosen not to abort. It blows me away. AND, these same people are against any kind of tax, or what they call handouts and socialism, to help the poor. The saddest aspect of all is that it's almost impossible to have an open-minded, open heart discussion about any of this. 

The division is set in stone. It's all so very exhausting and I don't think it will end anytime soon, even after the 2024 presidential winner is announced. 

As the title states, it's election day; Harris or trump. I'm ashamed to even type his name, because it just doesn't belong. He's crude, seemingly uneducated based on his vocabulary, but he appeals to a huge uneducated population.  

Harris, on the other hand is highly educated with grace and poise. I would be proud to have her as president.

The whole world is watching! In the pit of my stomach is a sick feeling. Contention does that to me. Yes, I'm anxious. But the thing that gave me hope was watching an interview Katie Couric had with Allan Lichtman, an historian who has predicted the last nine out of ten presidential elections correctly.  His predictions are based in what he calls the thirteen keys. Nothing is perfect, nothing set in stone. There are exceptions to every rule. 

But we'll soon see.

The Life and Times of Me, September 2024

 I'm 73 today. My mother always taught me to "be a lady". But all I can think of is WTF???? Where the hell did my life go? My mother would have hated my select words. See? You never, ever forget your parents. They live in your brain, always talking, always reminding you of how they raised you.

I've been feeling sad lately. Milo's sudden death in January,  and my diagnosis of CLL,( a slow, not so serious form of luekemia) sort of did me in. Or did it just wake me up to the blatent fact that I realistically only have, at best, 10 or 15 years left of my life. 

My body has been talking to me as well. It's telling me it's definitely not a 50 year old body. Up until now, I've felt no more than 50-ish. But I also look in the mirror and am at peace ,(sort of) with what I see. I could even push it to say I'm happy with what I see. I'm very fortunate to be so healthy. And I actually think I'm good looking. So, today I'm 73. I'm sure when I turn 75 I'll look back at this and smile. Life has been good to me!  

When I was a kid, in the 70’s, I first heard the phrase "find youself". I had no idea what that even meant. You are what you are. Right? Hmmmm!!?? In church I was taught not to listen to your emotions, that they’re deceiving.  Any bad thoughts were of the devil. Praying and worshipping God was the answer to everything. 

Then as time passed,  I got married, became a mother twice, got very religious, and very fat. I didn't have time to think, to be introspective. All I had time for was my kids, church, my pets, my house and trying to keep the peace. That was the 80's. A blur of stuff building up, ready to explode. And it did just that. I like to say my life threw up in my face.

Of course time passes as it always does, and it doesn't slow down or even give you warnings. The 90's became my best, but one of the most difficult decades. It started one evening, as I was lying on the couch and I said, "I'm lost"! The words were from way down inside my soul, waiting to have permission to become verbal. They just fell out of my mouth, without said permission, and I felt like I was being animated. My husband, a little surprised,  asked "What did you say?". 

In the 90's I started thinking about myself. I started realizing there was an answer to "who am I". The words of Jesus, "love God first and love others as you love yourself" confirmed that I needed to know myself before I even could love myself, let alone love others. 

So, in the 90's I bacame an empty nester, I wasn’t sure about my marriage, I became spiritual rather than religious,  started drinking (I didn't really drink alcohol until I was in my 50's ),  lost over 50 pounds, and was in counseling with an amazing counselor.  It was all a sweet, scary  uphill struggle.  But I was learning to love myself. I made so many mistakes and apologized to some people, but God showed true graciousness.  Even my mother in law said I'd changed. My 50's were my best years. 

However, I need to mention my pets, particularly my dogs. Mike, Murray and Lexy. They traveled that decade with me and witnessed many arguments, rages, throwing things, breaking things, and sad, almost desperate tears of resignation.  They licked my tears away and let me know their love was unconditional.  I really regret what I put them through. It was now early 2000's.

When I was 59 we moved from my home of 20 years in the midwest to a city in the desert. It was exciting; a new beginning and at last I was at peace with me. 

In my 60's I lost Lexy and Murray and added Tasha, Milo and Rosco. Milo was my favorite. In my 60’s I retired.  And I'm proud to say that in my 60’s I still felt as beautiful and sexy as I did in my 50's. 

Today I'm 73. We still have Tasha, but we've lost Milo and Rosco. We added Enzo and Elliot. They brought life and joy back to me. Especially Elliot.  He was a stray, lost and on the euthanize list at the county shelter.  Miraculously we were able to adopt him. I truly believe Milo sent him. 

Rambling is one of my better qualities and I've done just that. But how can you be 73, trying to write about your life,  and not ramble??? The changes in life I've seen: presidents, technology,  style the internet and it's surge of information,  family, friends and pets who have died. There's just so much, isn't there?

Maybe instead of saying I'm sad, maybe nostalgic is a better word.  But I'm happy. I love being retired so much and my dogs are my hobby. 

So, that's it. I'm not sure what's ahead of me, but the truth is, there's more behind me than ahead. And I'm okay with that!