The Things You Wish You Knew Earlier

Sitting here on a Saturday morning chillin'.  Dogs are at dog park and I'm enjoying the quiet! As I do , I am also enjoying one of my favorite things, reading quotes.  One of the best pieces I've every read (and heard, it's on a video) is "Everybody's Free To Wear Sunscreen".  Reading some of the quotes there brought up nostalgia and warm feelings.




 "Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good." That, in particular, pulled at my heart strings.



  My father died when he was a year younger than I am now. A massive heart attack. A few hours later he was gone.  In the ambulance on the way to the hospital he told the MT guy, "I think this is it for me.'  I think about his last few minutes so often. He was very strong, stubborn, charismatic, opinionated and straight to the point.  I admired his ethics. I admired the fact that he was a true believer and achiever of the American Dream. He built something out of nothing.  Life is never the same after someone that influential in your life is no longer around. At least not around physically. On a rare occasion I can almost feel him.



My mother died ten years later.  A couple of days after she died we all received little cards in the mail telling us she loved us.  Most everything I know about how to love well I learned from her.   She was a great listener.  I would sit for hours and talk about things.  She listened.  I loved telling her about the song lyrics that meant so much to me. She listened. I would tell her about boyfriends, friends, most anything.   But there were a few times I listened to her.  She had a couple of boyfriends.  There were men interested in her, they just fed her ego, which in my opinion, is awesome.  I listened to stories about what a rebel she was. You wouldn't have known it. She had morals that caused her a lot of pain later in life. Thinking things should be a certain way.  I blame that on religion, not truth; But inside she was a rebel who always questioned.  That's why this beautiful, sweet little Catholic girl ran away to Chicago, worked at a radio station and found her future husband.  A Jewish guy.  Catholics weren't supposed to marry Jews. And of course, even more so, Jews were not to marry Catholics.  Religion can really screw people up!!!


I really didn't get to know my parents the way I wish I would have now.  I miss them every day.  The pain is sort of gone, but the emptiness never leaves.  It's something you get used to. It's just a part of life.




 I wish my parents could see my new grandson.  Yet I think they do.  Not sure, but probably.




Nostalgia and memories......sweet!



Another quote that is probably the best advice I've ever heard is, "Keep your old love letters. Throw away your bank statements."  Of course I didn't.  I had kept one.  It was from my young boyfriend.  He died at 18.  And his words meant the world to me. Especially later in life.  He signed it, "No matter what happens, I will always love you." I even made a photo copy of that letter. After moving from one state to another, I finally lost it.  I wish I still had it.





 Ahhhhh youth.

Nostalgia.  Nothing beats it.  Tonight, where ever you are, have a glass of red with me, watch the video below,  and toast to good advice and nostalgia.


https://youtu.be/xavFb4WH7o0

Copy and paste in the address bar....It's totally worth the time and effort.

Is It Still A Man's World?

I've been married forty years. When we were first married I remember my husband saying something to the effect that if I ever "went back to work"  (Really?  As if raising a child and managing a household wasn't work.)he would do his share to help out. Trouble is, that his "share" was never defined.  But my share was already defined, without words, by our society.  As  I understood it, my "job" was to make sure the house was clean and organized, the children were well fed, as well as the husband, and the  bills were paid.

I'm an empty nester now so in my world, I feel the pressure is off.  However, I"m really hoping the world has changed....but I don't think it's changed much.  My daughter who is a full time teacher, trying to change the world, one child at a time, and also a full time mother of three, has had a mini crisis. Not a biggie, but it's the little foxes that will spoil the whole vine.  A thought crossed my mind today, "Go do  surprise cleaning and laundry for your daughter."  What a  thought!  And seriously, I really like to clean.  Today I wanted to concentrate on laundry as well.  I wanted her to come home and see that she has nothing to do this weekend other than attend her sons sports events. So I worked my ass off cleaning and doing laundry and loving every minute of it.

But the idea remains....why aren't men more involved? Don't they mind living in disorganization and filth? They don't mind their urine on the rim of the toilet?  Or has it been taken care of  for them for so many centuries that they just don't get it? Is it still a mans world?  I remember as a young bride reading books on how to make your husband happy.  One of the ideas was to wrap yourself in plastic, totally naked, other than the plastic wrap, and greet him at the door. I think the name of the book was, "Fascinating Womanhood". Really???

Okay, well, it's  a Saturday night and the cool desert air is refreshing. I'm alone other than my faithful dogs. It's been a great day. I loved seeing my daugher's expression when she realized there wasn't much to do at home for her this weekend.  Apparently my love language is acts of service.  I love giving, and it satisfies me every time to see the joy in my kids face when I help them out.

But back to the point. It can't be a man's world. We will fail if it is.  So men, if you haven't already, do your fair share and make it work.

That's Amore

ro·mance

rōˈmans,ˈrōˌmans/

noun

1. 1.

   a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.

Ah romance. the joy of it...the aliveness of it...the fleeting glory of it. 

Why does it always seem to be for the young?  It's an odd thing it is. I was captured and frozen in the idea of romance at a young age; eighteen to be exact. Fortunately I was able to find my way out of the dream in my late forties. But it was too late.

 I'm still fascinated, and sometimes love songs, sad love songs especially, make me come alive.  

There is something about feeling attractive and lovable again.  I've been married for forty years, but I must say that when an attractive man takes a second look and smiles, I walk away feeling young again, like I'm sixteen again.  "I've still got it!" is what I think. As egotistical and vain as it is, it's the truth.  

Ahhh romance.  It's confusing, sentimental and emotional, but I love it.  Not just romance with the opposite sex, but romance with life. Romance with the ups and downs, the drama and the quiet times; that's what causes me to feel this mystery that is associated with love.  And indeed, it is a mystery that I can't put into words. 

But by far, the most intense example of romance is between two humans who have an emotional, psychological, and sexual bond with each other.  Sometimes, when we have been married for years we forget that romance is still alive and well. Unfortunately, it seems the only time we remember is when we have lost our love. I wish it were different.

Please, if you have read this far, watch the video.If you've seen it before, again, please, watch it again. And here's to the romance of your life.  Long live love! 

My Age Old Battle

Why is it that negative feelings inspire me to write more than positive ones?  Geeeesh.  I've been here before.  Yep, it's about weight. I'm discouraged and feel defeated. I think I have this eating addiction.  I mean, it's not like I'm really hungry. Maybe it's also an age thing.  I work my ass off at the gym about three times a week; not bad for a woman in her 60's. I'm just getting tired of it.  It does keep me healthy, but you would think it would help me stay trim and slim.  Nope, the only thing that will do that is not eating as much.  If I listened to my gut, that inner voice in me that is never wrong, I'd be okay. But gluttony and perhaps boredom step in and alas, I've lost.  I actually don't ever remember a time in my life where I haven't battled my appetite.  And yes, it's not the weight that is the issue, that's the symptom, it's the appetite.

You would think at my age it wouldn't matter and I'd just pack it in and give up.  But I was fat once; really fat. And I was more miserable than I've ever been in my entire life.  I was lost and my personality changed to make up for the unhealthy state I was in.  It was about twenty years ago that I decided to get rid of the weight. I did it however I could.  But I did it; eventually.  And now it's slowly coming back on and I am petrified. I don't ever, ever want to lose myself like that again.

I realize that putting my thoughts and feelings "out there" is allowing myself to be judged, and that's okay.  But I have to write about this.  If you have never been fat or even had a huge battle with your appetite, then just quit reading now. You won't get it.  I can't even imagine how free it would feel not to think about it so much, to dwell on it or even feel it in my body.But I bet it's an amazing freedom.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not miserable all the time. Believe it or not, after I do work out, I feel invigorated, alive and healthy. For the last week I've done nothing but sleep, eat and feel awful. I've had the flu and it's really knocked me down this year.  So much for the flu shot!

No purpose for this blog other than venting.  I know, I know, things could be so much worse. I have a friend who is fighting cancer. It seems so selfish for me to complain about eating too much.  I'm grateful for my life, for my health and for the riches that I have been blessed with. But tonight, I'm venting.

I Wanna Pack My Bags and Take a Boat to The End of The World

I have this uncanny ability to know when something bleak is going to happen. As you can imagine, it's not a competency that I enjoy or welcome.






 My heart has been heavy ever since the election.






Even in my own personal life things have been a little bit of a struggle from a first world perspective.  But the atmosphere in our country is more disturbing; it's darker than I've felt for a long time.




 I'm trying to keep my head above the proverbial tumultuous waters of our time.  It feels like the Viet Nam era where controversy and borderline despondency was felt all the time; every time you turned on the news.



Some however, are celebrating the fact that Obama is no longer in power, and the same group of people are enthusiastic and hopeful of....of.....honestly, I'm not sure what they are hopeful for with this administration.  Perhaps they think we will soon have a financially profitable America that will take them back to a seemingly more prosperous time.  Maybe it's the Christian Right that seems to think that if we ban abortion, ban same sex marriages and ban anything else they perceive as immoral,  God will bless America.  Maybe they're jubilant because they feel if we shut our doors to the tired, the hungry and poor we will be a safer nation, a more prosperous nation.



The trouble is that I do have an idea why some are pleased Trump is our new leader and they are all listed above.  Elections and new presidents are not supposed to divide families and friends, but it does.  It has.    But I have to say the division is on the opposition as well. Not seeing that this man is closing doors, building walls, and promoting hate is incomprehensible.  As a Christian I believe closing our doors to the type of people this new administration is singling out is hard- hearted and detached from anything Christ taught.

What do I want to do?





 I wanna  "pack my bags and get a boat to the end of the world" .  I love that Dave always has  a song that will sing my soul's inaudible words.

Love Not Hate Will Make America Great...My New Slogan...Wish Me Luck

It's been a rough time lately. The election and new leader of the free world has brought a lot out in me that I don't like. And.....







...........I have allowed it to be a grey cloud that hovers over my existence.  I think it's time for change.




I remember going through a time of soul searching years ago and deciding that I didn't' want to be the hateful, angry person I had been. Sort of like now. That angry person seems to be resurrecting and showing her ugly, painful, hurt self. Again, I will do some soul searching and then decide how to go about change; how to continue to move towards love.





I went to the Women's March in my city yesterday.  It wasn't a march of victory or even much of a protest, just a march trying to show solidarity that what has made America great is love, not the absence of love.  You can be against something, but show love. When the Viet Nam Vets came home in the 60's and 70's, they were not greeted well because of anti war protests.  It hurt our country more than helped.  We vowed we would never do it again.

I heard a slogan that was continually chanted yesterday, "Love not hate will make America great".  It keeps going over and over in my mind.  Good thing the power of words!! I made a decision those words will take precedence in my mind for the next four years.  I've put too many negative things out there that  come back to haunt and mainly hurt me.  But, I still believe and stand by what I put out there,  as odd as it may seem.   Feeling betrayed by my own "religion" is something I can't shake. I used to go to this amazing counselor and after pouring my heart out  about an issue, she would usually say, "And what can you learn about yourself with this?"  Again, I will ask myself this, and perhaps there will be change for the better deep inside my very core.



Maybe I'm finished trying to save the world, or even finished trying to make a difference.








Maybe I should do what Garrison Keelor suggested so many might do for the next four years; "Grow heirloom tomatoes" and busy myself with hobbies, doing the best I can at work, and loving my family; both humans and four legged members.

I've read posts saying things like, "Get over it, we won " and "I'm tired of hearing you're not happy with the results" .  I guess I'll take the hint.  I'll quit trying to explain why a lot of the world is perplexed that we have chosen such a man for president. Maybe, just maybe, I should even hope for the best.  (That's gonna be a challenge!!)



In the meantime I have no regrets about what I've said or done. What I posted  were things the new president had said, or pictures of his wife posing nude about ten years ago.  In my defense, I said nothing about whether posing nude is wrong or right. I just basically said that this is our new first lady.  People thought my post  was tacky, and perhaps they were right.  It was tacky, but it is who she was.  And one last word in my defense, if Michelle Obama had done it,  not one of the people who told me they thought it was tacky would have come to Ms. Obama's defense about tackiness. They would have been silent and let it grow like cancer; and it most definite would have. (Thank you Ms. Obama, for being a gracious, strong lady if integrity!!)






I really am not sure how much longer I have here on earth. Maybe twenty years, Maybe more, maybe less.  I remember one of the last things I heard my dad say was, "I have about ten or fifteen more years left" and five days later he died of a massive heart attack.  One of my goals is to die at peace with myself without using any masks, addictions or spurious support systems.







 My little sister is a wonderful example of moving towards peace yet not compromising her convictions about love and what is good, lovely, peaceful and worth meditating on.  Good job Sherry!!

So, wish me luck with my new challenge.  Wish me luck filtering my own thoughts and using discipline, and wish me luck that if nothing else, I will be able to spread a little compassion, love and even hopefulness. Thanks for reading this to the end...xoxoxo

Dear President Obama,

I couldn't watch tonight because I would have cried.  Instead I got into a pissing match (excuse the pun in light of the 'breaking' news) with some guy who posted something on my facebook page defending Trump's insanity.

Anyway, thank you so much for all you did for our country.  Thank you for creating jobs. I remember when you took office things were going downhill fast in this country.  Small businesses were shutting their doors, and even some large corporate owned were laying off way too many people. One of them was my son in law, along with thousands of others who worked for the same corporation.  It was very weird and the whole country had a truly depressed feeling.  You changed that.  Now, house prices have risen back up to almost what they were before the crash, employment is way up, and derelict buildings are now places of business.  If anyone made America great, you did.

And your most beautiful, dignified wife?  I'm just so sad she will be replaced by a soft porn star.  How can that be?  I feel like I now live in Biff Tanen's Hill Valley where every one is hard- hearted and corrupt. But back to your wife Michelle.  I'm so grateful for her and her strength. She was and is such a role model for young girls.  She has beauty, dignity and integrity.  She will be most sadly missed.  I hear the new "first lady" (UG...I don't even like calling her that.) doesn't even want to live in the White House.  Her husband is a billionaire and she probably isn't used to real class.  Oh well....

I know you spoke about being hopeful, positive, and getting out and doing something if we want change.  That sounds all fine and good, but I'm old and done. I don't have the energy anymore. And frankly, I'm worried that it won't matter anyway.  The best thing I believe that I can do is just try to stay peaceful and respectful. It's really easy for me to get angry and go over the edge. Not that I have no control; I choose to go there, and that's not who I want to be.

So for the next four years I'll just decorate, continue to try and lose weight, and be thankful I have a stay at home job which I love.  I loved you and your family Mr. President, and am so very sorry you will not be able to stay.  You did the best job of any president I've ever experienced, and I'm 60 something.  Your legacy will be amazing.  Especially to people who value peace, justice, equality and freedom.

God bless and keep you and your family.

Peggy