I've been married forty years. When we were first married I remember my husband saying something to the effect that if I ever "went back to work" (Really? As if raising a child and managing a household wasn't work.)he would do his share to help out. Trouble is, that his "share" was never defined. But my share was already defined, without words, by our society. As I understood it, my "job" was to make sure the house was clean and organized, the children were well fed, as well as the husband, and the bills were paid.
I'm an empty nester now so in my world, I feel the pressure is off. However, I"m really hoping the world has changed....but I don't think it's changed much. My daughter who is a full time teacher, trying to change the world, one child at a time, and also a full time mother of three, has had a mini crisis. Not a biggie, but it's the little foxes that will spoil the whole vine. A thought crossed my mind today, "Go do surprise cleaning and laundry for your daughter." What a thought! And seriously, I really like to clean. Today I wanted to concentrate on laundry as well. I wanted her to come home and see that she has nothing to do this weekend other than attend her sons sports events. So I worked my ass off cleaning and doing laundry and loving every minute of it.
But the idea remains....why aren't men more involved? Don't they mind living in disorganization and filth? They don't mind their urine on the rim of the toilet? Or has it been taken care of for them for so many centuries that they just don't get it? Is it still a mans world? I remember as a young bride reading books on how to make your husband happy. One of the ideas was to wrap yourself in plastic, totally naked, other than the plastic wrap, and greet him at the door. I think the name of the book was, "Fascinating Womanhood". Really???
Okay, well, it's a Saturday night and the cool desert air is refreshing. I'm alone other than my faithful dogs. It's been a great day. I loved seeing my daugher's expression when she realized there wasn't much to do at home for her this weekend. Apparently my love language is acts of service. I love giving, and it satisfies me every time to see the joy in my kids face when I help them out.
But back to the point. It can't be a man's world. We will fail if it is. So men, if you haven't already, do your fair share and make it work.
Friday, March 31, 2017
Tuesday, March 7, 2017
That's Amore
ro·mance
rōˈmans,ˈrōˌmans/
noun
- 1.a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.
Ah romance. the joy of it...the aliveness of it...the fleeting glory of it.
Why does it always seem to be for the young? It's an odd thing it is. I was captured and frozen in the idea of romance at a young age; eighteen to be exact. Fortunately I was able to find my way out of the dream in my late forties. But it was too late.
I'm still fascinated, and sometimes love songs, sad love songs especially, make me come alive.
There is something about feeling attractive and lovable again. I've been married for forty years, but I must say that when an attractive man takes a second look and smiles, I walk away feeling young again, like I'm sixteen again. "I've still got it!" is what I think. As egotistical and vain as it is, it's the truth.
Ahhh romance. It's confusing, sentimental and emotional, but I love it. Not just romance with the opposite sex, but romance with life. Romance with the ups and downs, the drama and the quiet times; that's what causes me to feel this mystery that is associated with love. And indeed, it is a mystery that I can't put into words.
But by far, the most intense example of romance is between two humans who have an emotional, psychological, and sexual bond with each other. Sometimes, when we have been married for years we forget that romance is still alive and well. Unfortunately, it seems the only time we remember is when we have lost our love. I wish it were different.
Please, if you have read this far, watch the video.If you've seen it before, again, please, watch it again. And here's to the romance of your life. Long live love!
Saturday, February 25, 2017
My Age Old Battle
Why is it that negative feelings inspire me to write more than positive ones? Geeeesh. I've been here before. Yep, it's about weight. I'm discouraged and feel defeated. I think I have this eating addiction. I mean, it's not like I'm really hungry. Maybe it's also an age thing. I work my ass off at the gym about three times a week; not bad for a woman in her 60's. I'm just getting tired of it. It does keep me healthy, but you would think it would help me stay trim and slim. Nope, the only thing that will do that is not eating as much. If I listened to my gut, that inner voice in me that is never wrong, I'd be okay. But gluttony and perhaps boredom step in and alas, I've lost. I actually don't ever remember a time in my life where I haven't battled my appetite. And yes, it's not the weight that is the issue, that's the symptom, it's the appetite.
You would think at my age it wouldn't matter and I'd just pack it in and give up. But I was fat once; really fat. And I was more miserable than I've ever been in my entire life. I was lost and my personality changed to make up for the unhealthy state I was in. It was about twenty years ago that I decided to get rid of the weight. I did it however I could. But I did it; eventually. And now it's slowly coming back on and I am petrified. I don't ever, ever want to lose myself like that again.
I realize that putting my thoughts and feelings "out there" is allowing myself to be judged, and that's okay. But I have to write about this. If you have never been fat or even had a huge battle with your appetite, then just quit reading now. You won't get it. I can't even imagine how free it would feel not to think about it so much, to dwell on it or even feel it in my body.But I bet it's an amazing freedom. Don't get me wrong, I'm not miserable all the time. Believe it or not, after I do work out, I feel invigorated, alive and healthy. For the last week I've done nothing but sleep, eat and feel awful. I've had the flu and it's really knocked me down this year. So much for the flu shot!
No purpose for this blog other than venting. I know, I know, things could be so much worse. I have a friend who is fighting cancer. It seems so selfish for me to complain about eating too much. I'm grateful for my life, for my health and for the riches that I have been blessed with. But tonight, I'm venting.
You would think at my age it wouldn't matter and I'd just pack it in and give up. But I was fat once; really fat. And I was more miserable than I've ever been in my entire life. I was lost and my personality changed to make up for the unhealthy state I was in. It was about twenty years ago that I decided to get rid of the weight. I did it however I could. But I did it; eventually. And now it's slowly coming back on and I am petrified. I don't ever, ever want to lose myself like that again.
I realize that putting my thoughts and feelings "out there" is allowing myself to be judged, and that's okay. But I have to write about this. If you have never been fat or even had a huge battle with your appetite, then just quit reading now. You won't get it. I can't even imagine how free it would feel not to think about it so much, to dwell on it or even feel it in my body.But I bet it's an amazing freedom. Don't get me wrong, I'm not miserable all the time. Believe it or not, after I do work out, I feel invigorated, alive and healthy. For the last week I've done nothing but sleep, eat and feel awful. I've had the flu and it's really knocked me down this year. So much for the flu shot!
No purpose for this blog other than venting. I know, I know, things could be so much worse. I have a friend who is fighting cancer. It seems so selfish for me to complain about eating too much. I'm grateful for my life, for my health and for the riches that I have been blessed with. But tonight, I'm venting.
Saturday, January 28, 2017
I Wanna Pack My Bags and Take a Boat to The End of The World
I have this uncanny ability to know when something bleak is going to happen. As you can imagine, it's not a competency that I enjoy or welcome.
My heart has been heavy ever since the election.
Even in my own personal life things have been a little bit of a struggle from a first world perspective. But the atmosphere in our country is more disturbing; it's darker than I've felt for a long time.
I'm trying to keep my head above the proverbial tumultuous waters of our time. It feels like the Viet Nam era where controversy and borderline despondency was felt all the time; every time you turned on the news.
Some however, are celebrating the fact that Obama is no longer in power, and the same group of people are enthusiastic and hopeful of....of.....honestly, I'm not sure what they are hopeful for with this administration. Perhaps they think we will soon have a financially profitable America that will take them back to a seemingly more prosperous time. Maybe it's the Christian Right that seems to think that if we ban abortion, ban same sex marriages and ban anything else they perceive as immoral, God will bless America. Maybe they're jubilant because they feel if we shut our doors to the tired, the hungry and poor we will be a safer nation, a more prosperous nation.
The trouble is that I do have an idea why some are pleased Trump is our new leader and they are all listed above. Elections and new presidents are not supposed to divide families and friends, but it does. It has. But I have to say the division is on the opposition as well. Not seeing that this man is closing doors, building walls, and promoting hate is incomprehensible. As a Christian I believe closing our doors to the type of people this new administration is singling out is hard- hearted and detached from anything Christ taught.
What do I want to do?
I wanna "pack my bags and get a boat to the end of the world" . I love that Dave always has a song that will sing my soul's inaudible words.
My heart has been heavy ever since the election.
Even in my own personal life things have been a little bit of a struggle from a first world perspective. But the atmosphere in our country is more disturbing; it's darker than I've felt for a long time.
I'm trying to keep my head above the proverbial tumultuous waters of our time. It feels like the Viet Nam era where controversy and borderline despondency was felt all the time; every time you turned on the news.
Some however, are celebrating the fact that Obama is no longer in power, and the same group of people are enthusiastic and hopeful of....of.....honestly, I'm not sure what they are hopeful for with this administration. Perhaps they think we will soon have a financially profitable America that will take them back to a seemingly more prosperous time. Maybe it's the Christian Right that seems to think that if we ban abortion, ban same sex marriages and ban anything else they perceive as immoral, God will bless America. Maybe they're jubilant because they feel if we shut our doors to the tired, the hungry and poor we will be a safer nation, a more prosperous nation.
The trouble is that I do have an idea why some are pleased Trump is our new leader and they are all listed above. Elections and new presidents are not supposed to divide families and friends, but it does. It has. But I have to say the division is on the opposition as well. Not seeing that this man is closing doors, building walls, and promoting hate is incomprehensible. As a Christian I believe closing our doors to the type of people this new administration is singling out is hard- hearted and detached from anything Christ taught.
What do I want to do?
I wanna "pack my bags and get a boat to the end of the world" . I love that Dave always has a song that will sing my soul's inaudible words.
Sunday, January 22, 2017
Love Not Hate Will Make America Great...My New Slogan...Wish Me Luck
It's been a rough time lately. The election and new leader of the free world has brought a lot out in me that I don't like. And.....
...........I have allowed it to be a grey cloud that hovers over my existence. I think it's time for change.
I remember going through a time of soul searching years ago and deciding that I didn't' want to be the hateful, angry person I had been. Sort of like now. That angry person seems to be resurrecting and showing her ugly, painful, hurt self. Again, I will do some soul searching and then decide how to go about change; how to continue to move towards love.
I went to the Women's March in my city yesterday. It wasn't a march of victory or even much of a protest, just a march trying to show solidarity that what has made America great is love, not the absence of love. You can be against something, but show love. When the Viet Nam Vets came home in the 60's and 70's, they were not greeted well because of anti war protests. It hurt our country more than helped. We vowed we would never do it again.
I heard a slogan that was continually chanted yesterday, "Love not hate will make America great". It keeps going over and over in my mind. Good thing the power of words!! I made a decision those words will take precedence in my mind for the next four years. I've put too many negative things out there that come back to haunt and mainly hurt me. But, I still believe and stand by what I put out there, as odd as it may seem. Feeling betrayed by my own "religion" is something I can't shake. I used to go to this amazing counselor and after pouring my heart out about an issue, she would usually say, "And what can you learn about yourself with this?" Again, I will ask myself this, and perhaps there will be change for the better deep inside my very core.
Maybe I'm finished trying to save the world, or even finished trying to make a difference.
Maybe I should do what Garrison Keelor suggested so many might do for the next four years; "Grow heirloom tomatoes" and busy myself with hobbies, doing the best I can at work, and loving my family; both humans and four legged members.
I've read posts saying things like, "Get over it, we won " and "I'm tired of hearing you're not happy with the results" . I guess I'll take the hint. I'll quit trying to explain why a lot of the world is perplexed that we have chosen such a man for president. Maybe, just maybe, I should even hope for the best. (That's gonna be a challenge!!)
In the meantime I have no regrets about what I've said or done. What I posted were things the new president had said, or pictures of his wife posing nude about ten years ago. In my defense, I said nothing about whether posing nude is wrong or right. I just basically said that this is our new first lady. People thought my post was tacky, and perhaps they were right. It was tacky, but it is who she was. And one last word in my defense, if Michelle Obama had done it, not one of the people who told me they thought it was tacky would have come to Ms. Obama's defense about tackiness. They would have been silent and let it grow like cancer; and it most definite would have. (Thank you Ms. Obama, for being a gracious, strong lady if integrity!!)
I really am not sure how much longer I have here on earth. Maybe twenty years, Maybe more, maybe less. I remember one of the last things I heard my dad say was, "I have about ten or fifteen more years left" and five days later he died of a massive heart attack. One of my goals is to die at peace with myself without using any masks, addictions or spurious support systems.
My little sister is a wonderful example of moving towards peace yet not compromising her convictions about love and what is good, lovely, peaceful and worth meditating on. Good job Sherry!!
So, wish me luck with my new challenge. Wish me luck filtering my own thoughts and using discipline, and wish me luck that if nothing else, I will be able to spread a little compassion, love and even hopefulness. Thanks for reading this to the end...xoxoxo
...........I have allowed it to be a grey cloud that hovers over my existence. I think it's time for change.
I remember going through a time of soul searching years ago and deciding that I didn't' want to be the hateful, angry person I had been. Sort of like now. That angry person seems to be resurrecting and showing her ugly, painful, hurt self. Again, I will do some soul searching and then decide how to go about change; how to continue to move towards love.
I went to the Women's March in my city yesterday. It wasn't a march of victory or even much of a protest, just a march trying to show solidarity that what has made America great is love, not the absence of love. You can be against something, but show love. When the Viet Nam Vets came home in the 60's and 70's, they were not greeted well because of anti war protests. It hurt our country more than helped. We vowed we would never do it again.
I heard a slogan that was continually chanted yesterday, "Love not hate will make America great". It keeps going over and over in my mind. Good thing the power of words!! I made a decision those words will take precedence in my mind for the next four years. I've put too many negative things out there that come back to haunt and mainly hurt me. But, I still believe and stand by what I put out there, as odd as it may seem. Feeling betrayed by my own "religion" is something I can't shake. I used to go to this amazing counselor and after pouring my heart out about an issue, she would usually say, "And what can you learn about yourself with this?" Again, I will ask myself this, and perhaps there will be change for the better deep inside my very core.
Maybe I'm finished trying to save the world, or even finished trying to make a difference.
Maybe I should do what Garrison Keelor suggested so many might do for the next four years; "Grow heirloom tomatoes" and busy myself with hobbies, doing the best I can at work, and loving my family; both humans and four legged members.
I've read posts saying things like, "Get over it, we won " and "I'm tired of hearing you're not happy with the results" . I guess I'll take the hint. I'll quit trying to explain why a lot of the world is perplexed that we have chosen such a man for president. Maybe, just maybe, I should even hope for the best. (That's gonna be a challenge!!)
In the meantime I have no regrets about what I've said or done. What I posted were things the new president had said, or pictures of his wife posing nude about ten years ago. In my defense, I said nothing about whether posing nude is wrong or right. I just basically said that this is our new first lady. People thought my post was tacky, and perhaps they were right. It was tacky, but it is who she was. And one last word in my defense, if Michelle Obama had done it, not one of the people who told me they thought it was tacky would have come to Ms. Obama's defense about tackiness. They would have been silent and let it grow like cancer; and it most definite would have. (Thank you Ms. Obama, for being a gracious, strong lady if integrity!!)
I really am not sure how much longer I have here on earth. Maybe twenty years, Maybe more, maybe less. I remember one of the last things I heard my dad say was, "I have about ten or fifteen more years left" and five days later he died of a massive heart attack. One of my goals is to die at peace with myself without using any masks, addictions or spurious support systems.
My little sister is a wonderful example of moving towards peace yet not compromising her convictions about love and what is good, lovely, peaceful and worth meditating on. Good job Sherry!!
So, wish me luck with my new challenge. Wish me luck filtering my own thoughts and using discipline, and wish me luck that if nothing else, I will be able to spread a little compassion, love and even hopefulness. Thanks for reading this to the end...xoxoxo
Tuesday, January 10, 2017
Dear President Obama,
I couldn't watch tonight because I would have cried. Instead I got into a pissing match (excuse the pun in light of the 'breaking' news) with some guy who posted something on my facebook page defending Trump's insanity.
Anyway, thank you so much for all you did for our country. Thank you for creating jobs. I remember when you took office things were going downhill fast in this country. Small businesses were shutting their doors, and even some large corporate owned were laying off way too many people. One of them was my son in law, along with thousands of others who worked for the same corporation. It was very weird and the whole country had a truly depressed feeling. You changed that. Now, house prices have risen back up to almost what they were before the crash, employment is way up, and derelict buildings are now places of business. If anyone made America great, you did.
And your most beautiful, dignified wife? I'm just so sad she will be replaced by a soft porn star. How can that be? I feel like I now live in Biff Tanen's Hill Valley where every one is hard- hearted and corrupt. But back to your wife Michelle. I'm so grateful for her and her strength. She was and is such a role model for young girls. She has beauty, dignity and integrity. She will be most sadly missed. I hear the new "first lady" (UG...I don't even like calling her that.) doesn't even want to live in the White House. Her husband is a billionaire and she probably isn't used to real class. Oh well....
I know you spoke about being hopeful, positive, and getting out and doing something if we want change. That sounds all fine and good, but I'm old and done. I don't have the energy anymore. And frankly, I'm worried that it won't matter anyway. The best thing I believe that I can do is just try to stay peaceful and respectful. It's really easy for me to get angry and go over the edge. Not that I have no control; I choose to go there, and that's not who I want to be.
So for the next four years I'll just decorate, continue to try and lose weight, and be thankful I have a stay at home job which I love. I loved you and your family Mr. President, and am so very sorry you will not be able to stay. You did the best job of any president I've ever experienced, and I'm 60 something. Your legacy will be amazing. Especially to people who value peace, justice, equality and freedom.
God bless and keep you and your family.
Peggy
I couldn't watch tonight because I would have cried. Instead I got into a pissing match (excuse the pun in light of the 'breaking' news) with some guy who posted something on my facebook page defending Trump's insanity.
Anyway, thank you so much for all you did for our country. Thank you for creating jobs. I remember when you took office things were going downhill fast in this country. Small businesses were shutting their doors, and even some large corporate owned were laying off way too many people. One of them was my son in law, along with thousands of others who worked for the same corporation. It was very weird and the whole country had a truly depressed feeling. You changed that. Now, house prices have risen back up to almost what they were before the crash, employment is way up, and derelict buildings are now places of business. If anyone made America great, you did.
And your most beautiful, dignified wife? I'm just so sad she will be replaced by a soft porn star. How can that be? I feel like I now live in Biff Tanen's Hill Valley where every one is hard- hearted and corrupt. But back to your wife Michelle. I'm so grateful for her and her strength. She was and is such a role model for young girls. She has beauty, dignity and integrity. She will be most sadly missed. I hear the new "first lady" (UG...I don't even like calling her that.) doesn't even want to live in the White House. Her husband is a billionaire and she probably isn't used to real class. Oh well....
I know you spoke about being hopeful, positive, and getting out and doing something if we want change. That sounds all fine and good, but I'm old and done. I don't have the energy anymore. And frankly, I'm worried that it won't matter anyway. The best thing I believe that I can do is just try to stay peaceful and respectful. It's really easy for me to get angry and go over the edge. Not that I have no control; I choose to go there, and that's not who I want to be.
So for the next four years I'll just decorate, continue to try and lose weight, and be thankful I have a stay at home job which I love. I loved you and your family Mr. President, and am so very sorry you will not be able to stay. You did the best job of any president I've ever experienced, and I'm 60 something. Your legacy will be amazing. Especially to people who value peace, justice, equality and freedom.
God bless and keep you and your family.
Peggy
Saturday, December 24, 2016
Christmas Eve, 2016
It's Christmas Eve, 2016. It's a Saturday morning and I'm having alone moments. My husband took our three pups to the park and I'm contemplative in the calm before the festive storm. Sitting here thinking of people's stories and what makes them who they are. The other day as I was getting my hair done, a woman began telling me her story. Her mother died in May, she was 90. A few days after the funeral a woman told her she was adopted; that her mother was not her biological mother. This woman is in her 50's. Can you imagine? I was full of questions. I asked her if she ever felt as if her mother tried to tell her the truth about her unknown genealogy. She told me while on her death bed her mother asked her, "What color are my eyes?" The daughter, thinking she was just probably delirious because she was so close to death, dismissed it and just answered, "My eyes are green mom." The mother continued. "What color are my eyes?" And the daughter answered again, "Yours are blue." "What does that tell you?", the mother responded.Apparently the woman tried to tell her daughter she was adopted; that she wasn't the birth mother.
When my mother in law was about eight years old she was in a horrible accident . She was bedridden for probably a year. A motorcycle hit her and she almost had to have her leg amputated. Back in those days it would have been immediately cut off,if not for her very strong, stubborn mother. Unfortunately, my mother in law's accident molded her with bitterness, fear and a victim mentality. Don't get me wrong, she was strong and had good points, but it was obvious she would not forgive the driver who hit her.
We all have stories. We all have issues. And they affect our lives. For the good, or for the bad, the things that happen to us shape us and mold us to make us who we are. The thing is though, we decide how the events in our lives shape us. For the bad, or for the good? We choose. Whether we want to believe it or not, we have control over how we react and how we will perceive life. It's not easy sometimes, I know for sure, to let the tragedies, the odd twists, and the hidden secrets help make us better people.
This last year, 2016, has been good to me. I'm hoping 2017 will be even better. Although I'm in denial about who has been chosen to lead this country of ours, I'm still hoping for the best. I have decided to let the next four years mold me into a stronger person. I've decided to let this help me follow Martin Luther King, Jr, Gandhi, and my favorite, Jesus, examples by making sure that love and peace wins out over hate, prejudice and especially fear. Not an easy task!! I decided a long time ago that if something causes fear, I will intentionally move far away. Fear is not of God, as the bible says.
My daughter in law and son will be welcoming their first baby into our world. A boy! They will call him Brighton, Brighton Mac. I am totally in love with this name. It moves my heart and now I feel as if I know him. It's a strong, powerful name. I can't wait to see him. I imagine he'll have the same beautifully, shining black hair as his father, and probably green or blue eyes. Both his parents are so good looking it would make you jealous. And their spirits? Wow...both mother and father are strong willed, passionate and extremely loving. Brighton (I love saying that name) will be his own boy, someday, his own man. I hope the he chooses to let love and forgiveness mold the stories in his life.
So, it's time to wash, vacuum, set up and get ready for a day filled with love, giving, and hope. Hope for the future. Hope for my children and grandchildren. I am one lucky woman to have such an amazing family who love me and their father as we are. They have loved us through the good and the bad. Thank God for them; they are indeed a gift to us. Prayer and hope go hand in hand, and I'm a woman of hope. I hope this year my faith, especially, will only become greater. And to everyone I truly wish you peace. Peace to you, and peace for our small, imperfect planet.
Love to you!!!!
Couldn't end a blog without Dave, now could I? I hope you listen!
When my mother in law was about eight years old she was in a horrible accident . She was bedridden for probably a year. A motorcycle hit her and she almost had to have her leg amputated. Back in those days it would have been immediately cut off,if not for her very strong, stubborn mother. Unfortunately, my mother in law's accident molded her with bitterness, fear and a victim mentality. Don't get me wrong, she was strong and had good points, but it was obvious she would not forgive the driver who hit her.
We all have stories. We all have issues. And they affect our lives. For the good, or for the bad, the things that happen to us shape us and mold us to make us who we are. The thing is though, we decide how the events in our lives shape us. For the bad, or for the good? We choose. Whether we want to believe it or not, we have control over how we react and how we will perceive life. It's not easy sometimes, I know for sure, to let the tragedies, the odd twists, and the hidden secrets help make us better people.
This last year, 2016, has been good to me. I'm hoping 2017 will be even better. Although I'm in denial about who has been chosen to lead this country of ours, I'm still hoping for the best. I have decided to let the next four years mold me into a stronger person. I've decided to let this help me follow Martin Luther King, Jr, Gandhi, and my favorite, Jesus, examples by making sure that love and peace wins out over hate, prejudice and especially fear. Not an easy task!! I decided a long time ago that if something causes fear, I will intentionally move far away. Fear is not of God, as the bible says.
My daughter in law and son will be welcoming their first baby into our world. A boy! They will call him Brighton, Brighton Mac. I am totally in love with this name. It moves my heart and now I feel as if I know him. It's a strong, powerful name. I can't wait to see him. I imagine he'll have the same beautifully, shining black hair as his father, and probably green or blue eyes. Both his parents are so good looking it would make you jealous. And their spirits? Wow...both mother and father are strong willed, passionate and extremely loving. Brighton (I love saying that name) will be his own boy, someday, his own man. I hope the he chooses to let love and forgiveness mold the stories in his life.
So, it's time to wash, vacuum, set up and get ready for a day filled with love, giving, and hope. Hope for the future. Hope for my children and grandchildren. I am one lucky woman to have such an amazing family who love me and their father as we are. They have loved us through the good and the bad. Thank God for them; they are indeed a gift to us. Prayer and hope go hand in hand, and I'm a woman of hope. I hope this year my faith, especially, will only become greater. And to everyone I truly wish you peace. Peace to you, and peace for our small, imperfect planet.
Love to you!!!!
Couldn't end a blog without Dave, now could I? I hope you listen!
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