For the Love of Lexy

Watching Lexy, my older, American Eskimo rescue go downhill is so  painful for me. 



 Sometimes I just sort of cry for a few seconds.  I feel this sort of  achy tremor in my heart and then the tears come. She came to me 15 years ago at the city church I used to attend in Kansas City. She had been badly abused and very neglected.  She found a home with a student of mine and I didn't give her another thought until his mother came in, almost hysterical, and said that Lexy had torn up her bathroom window and screen. Come to find out, Lexy was just trying to get out of being locked in a stranger's bathroom for over 8 hours a day.  Gawd!!

 So I took her home and the rest is history.  She was very depressed and anxious. Every time she would get in the car with me she would throw up all over the seats.  It was so sad.  The fear in that dog was indescribable. She truly had issues.  Every time I would leave the house she would tear something up.  My whole family had problems with her.  My husband even told me that if I got another dog it would be the dog or him.  I brought Lexy home anyway, and he's still with me.

She has been my confidant, best friend, angel and constant companion for 15 years in January. She has been a real handful though.  She would leap our 4 foot fence like a gazelle and terrorize our suburban neighborhood. She didn't trust people at all, except for me. I mean, what else could she do but trust me?  That's the thing with dogs. They are at our mercy.  They have very little choice as to how they are going to live their lives. But I love her and the other dogs we had loved her too.


Now, all these years later, she's lying on the floor next to me, eyes open, lying still.  She can't hear anymore, and her eyesight isn't so great either.  I carry her down the steps and lift her up to get on the bed with me. In the middle of the night I wake up and know she wants to go out.  I carry her down the steps and let her out to do her thing.  It's difficult for me to even type this as she is my love, my best friend, and as I've said before, my constant companion.  But the end is getting near. Maybe a year more?  Maybe even two. But maybe sooner.

The grief and emptiness will almost be unbearable.  During the very hardest time in my life, she was with me.  She would travel with me, hang with me, lick my tears away, and stare at me with her sad, black eyes. How can I let go of someone that faithful? That loving? That loyal?  I don't know! Just knowing now, seeing her degenerate, seeing her sad that she can barely walk; well, the pain is almost too much to bear.

You may be thinking something like, "She's not gone yet, why start?"  She sort of is going.  She's not who she used to be. EVen she knows that something is about to end.  I see it in her eyes. All I can do is be there for her, keep on carrying her, like she carried me through so many times.  Give her all she wants and let her do whatever she wants, which is mostly sleep and eat her very favorite food ever; Freshpet.

I have two other four legged friends who I love dearly as well.  








Sometimes I can't help but think how all good things must come to an end.  It makes me sort of wonder about God.  I know, I know.  People who claim to love God always say that it's not God, it's ...yada yada yada, but in any case it's still hard to live with the fact that I believe in this all powerful God and bad things still happen.

Okay, yes, she's still with me, hobbling around the house, staring at me with her black eyes. But the only time I see her smile is when she is about to be fed.

There's a song by Patty Griffin that she wrote for her dog.  I don't think she minds that now, I have taken it and made it my song to my pretty, sweet, spirited, extremely bright and lovely baby girl Lexy.  Here's to you sweet Lexy:

Oh heavenly day, all the clouds blew away
Got no trouble today with anyone
The smile on your face I live only to see
It's enough for me, baby, it's enough for me
Oh, heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly day

Tomorrow may rain with sorrow
Here's a little time we can borrow
Forget all our troubles in these moments so few
All we've got right now, the only thing that
All we really have to do
Is have ourselves a heavenly day
Lay here and watch the trees sway
Oh, can't see no other way, no way, no way
Heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly day

No one at my shoulder bringing me fears
Got no clouds up above me bringing me tears
Got nothing to tell you, I've got nothing much to say
Only I'm glad to be here with you
On this heavenly, heavenly, heavenly, heavenly
Heavenly day, all the trouble's gone away
Oh, for a while anyway, for a while anyway
Heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly day

I'll end with that.  Take care of your friends..they don't last forever. Appreciate them and look at them as if each day might be their last.