My Top Ten Things I Am Thankful For

Today is Thanksgiving and although it's a day to recognize what we're grateful for, I for one, could be practicing this all year long. I haven't been in the mood to write for a long time. Probably because I've been so distressed about the shape of things in our country.  Sad!  It's been a year and I still haven't really gotten used to who is in charge. 

SO, now that's over with, I will begin my list of what I am thankful for:

1. God and his gracious love and patience with me (and everyone for that matter.)  I am a Christ follower and have been since 1972 (at 9 p.m.)  This is the one thing I have no regrets about....choosing to put my faith in an unseen God and a man who went around saying he was God and teaching that religious people were white washed tombs.  I am thankful that I know that the opposite of faith is not doubt, but control or wanting control; it explains a lot.

2. I am thankful for my health. It makes a huge difference; especially at my age.  I am strong, healthy and full of life and hope. 

3. I am thankful for my family.  They too are healthy and strong. 

4. I am thankful for the material things in my life and the joy and beauty they give me.  My home, my car, water, red wine, food,  clothing, etc.  I am extremely fortunate that when I sit down in the evenings I love all that I see.

5. Now on to the deeper things.....I am thankful for thoughts that I think that don't leave me in a stagnant place. Although I have faith, my faith has changed and evolved in so many ways. Now, rather than following blindly, I question, I wonder and meditate.



6. I am grateful that although I have lost loved ones to physical death, I feel them around me at times. It's such an amazing, 'other worldly' feeling.  Just the other day I was at my daughter's house and my grand-daughter was playing music.  "Time After Time" came on.  It was a song that played the night before my mother died. And in an "other worldly" way, my mother communicated to me from beyond that it was her song to me.  When I hear it, I stop and feel her so vividly.








7. I am grateful for the pain that I have gone through in life. Although at the time I needed convincing, it has made me a stronger, more compassionate person.




8. I am grateful that I can pray, for without that communication, I would surely be lost.





9. I am grateful for music, it is food to my soul.







10. And lastly, I am grateful for the humans I have helped in my life.  Without them, I would have no purpose to be alive. They have helped me more than I have helped them.  To this day I have flashes of memories in the form of pictures in my mind of these individuals. I am very grateful to have been a part of their lives even if just for a short time. 






And there you have it. Happy Thanksgiving and love to you from me.

Back to the Sixties In One Song....What a Trip!

Awake at 4 a.m. to try and  beat time, to try and beat dying really.  Yeah, I did the 5:30 a.m. spinning class.  The instructor is fantastic and always has great music to help with the pain the class brings me. All joking aside, a song came on that's one of my favorites, so I closed my eyes while my little feet peddled as fast as this old girl could go. Eerily, the song took me back to my youth. 




 There's a line that I've heard before, but this time it triggered a very clear idea that I was being taken back even deeper into another time and another place:

 In winter of 1963
It felt like the world would freeze
With John F. Kennedy
And The Beatles.

In a moment my mind, my heart, and maybe something else that I can't quite put my finger on, went back to those teen age days. 







 Life was so different then, I smoked, most people did,  I didn't drink, I cussed a lot, still do, and even though I had very little confidence, looking back, I was a pistol.  

My best friend Carol and I 'snuck out' once.  We decided to get a bottle of beer...yep, one bottle, and head downtown. We headed out on foot and stopped along the way, crept under a bush and opened the glass bottle.  We wound up breaking it because we forgot to bring an opener. So much for the drinking. But we did finally make it to the weekly dance . 

A young girl and her boyfriend; her boyfriend who had the biggest most beautiful blue eyes you'd ever see.  Yep, she was me.  And yes, I had a real boyfriend with those amazing eyes.

As I sat on the spinning bike, peddling, sweat pouring down, I didn't feel like it was an effort as I listened to that song. Another memory popped in my mind like a fish jumping out of water. My boyfriend and I eating fried chicken and smoking cigarettes in his car in the park while skipping school.  Clear as day.

A Salvation Army Band played
And Children drunk lemonade
And the morning lasted all day,
All day
And through an open window came
Like Sinatra in a younger day,

                             I fell in love with him. 

We went to two proms together, but he'd only slow dance with me. 

We skipped school a lot and spent time in the country playing on hills near his grandfather's farm.  The longer we dated it seemed the more addicted we were to each other.  But we argued in the end, A lot.  Until finally one night I told him I never wanted to see him again. Two days later he was out running around, and the jeep his friend was driving  flipped. They both were killed.  

The evening had turned to rain
Watch the water roll down the drain,
As we followed him down
To the station
And though he never would wave goodbye
You could see it written in his eyes
As the train pulled out of sight
Bye-bye

Read more: Dream Academy - Life In A Northern Town Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

That was September, 1969. By that time, Kennedy was dead, both of them, and Martin Luther King was shot too.  There were more things to think about now other than getting caught skipping school. My adult life was just beginning, but so many other things had ended. The '60's were over, so was a huge part of my youth.  

But that song took me back. It's incredible how music does that; it does so many things don't you think? For me to be transported to all those years ago.....That beautiful song has haunted me all day long. I haven't blogged in a while, but there ya have it. That song!  

Take it easy on yourself.

A Waste of Time

It's an extremely hot Sunday, and I have just showered to get rid of fiberglass and itchy whatever all over my body.  I hate to say this, but I was wrong...I expected too much...and I don't know what the hell I'm doing.  I thought that having a raised ceiling in our little casita would be amazingly wonderful, light, airy and attract even more customers to our little airbnb business.  It really was a great idea....IF we wanted to spend approximately 18k doing this. We thought we could do it for under a thousand.  Little did we know; literally, we had no clue.  One of the things I said to my husband before we started is that we know for sure we will encounter unexpected problems, so let's brace ourselves.  But this problem was bigger than I ever could imagine.

No, I'm not getting into the specifics; I've already wasted enough time, energy and money on this failed project.  I will say though, it is a humbling lesson.  Yet what lesson do I need to learn?  That I can't do this anymore, like when I was young?

So, the ceiling is staying at the same height, but will be bead board.  That's it. We could have put bead board in without tearing the old ceiling and insulation out, but...well... we did tear it out.  I just finished the harrowing task of helping my husband put the insulation in. It was hot as hell in our little casita; wearing masks, and totally trying to cover our bodies made for a sweat house for sure.  The insulation is in, and we have yet to put the bead board on.  Wish us luck.

God Bless America

Most who know me know that I almost went into a severe depression this last election.  I couldn't believe that someone like Mr. Trump was elected by Americans, my peers, my fellow citizens. But the fact is, he was.  Why? Well, maybe I'll talk about that later but now, I want to vent my view of both parties and why we're all losing .  Both parties are being manipulated to drive America apart and for sure, that will be our downfall.  I know, I know, opinions are like.....well....truly?  They're like assholes, everyone has one.  So here's mine; all of us, no matter what your political affiliation, should put issues aside and concentrate on unity being the number one item of importance.  Why has this not been done?  I won't even go there now....that would certainly be a book of many pages. .

I lean more on the side of the liberals because honestly, that's where I see the most compassion, that's where I see the concept of caring for others, and that's where I see putting your money where your mouth is when it comes to the idea of loving others. I'm beginning to believe that even compassion and caring are tools used to manipulate the masses towards supporting a particular person into power. Obviously!  And of course it's ALL about ego and money, not the welfare and unity of us, the little people, or people terribly underprivileged, or people who are not Americans.   So be it.  The republicans seem to have a thin veneer of some sort of perverted moral pretense.  Politicians use the illusion that the money we earn is really ours to hoard however we want and keep it; you made it, don't let the government take it from you. And yep, so be it.

I went to a high school graduation the other night.  The two talks I heard by two different students actually gave me hope in our future. I hate to tell you, but the American dream is not really a dream if others go hungry or homeless, or have no support towards independence.  And from what I heard, these kids see that and are on the right track.  One student spoke,  and what I heard more than anything was how we are to be grateful for a roof over our heads and clean running water coming from our faucets. Sure we all say we are, okay, then why get so upset when the lawn mower doesn't work, or some other first world problem.

People my age are filled with ego and silly opinions that encourage division. Sorry, one visit to facebook and that's what I see. I'm not excluding myself.  I'm trying very hard to get away from that in my own life. It's difficult!  But it's troublesome when I hear people say things about the poor. Things like, "Well, they just need to get a job."  Easy to say when you've been in a little white bubble all  your life.  And these same people... I have not once seen them suffer from poverty. I don't mean themselves being without, I mean experiencing for a year or so living or working or just visiting 'the other side of the tracks and becoming one of under privileged, or mentally ill.


Then you have the liberals..maybe seemingly filled with compassion, but could care less about unity. It's truly like an evangelical religion.  A "we are right because we care and want to save the world" attitude. And to me that is truly a cancer in the development of peace.  It seems right of course, but the silly, pseudo intellectual hate I see posted on facebook and spoken about in conversations is toxic. AND, if they get their way, if someone is elected that they totally agree with, then of course, the hate will spew from the other side; the conservatives.

So what's the answer?  I wish I knew. But for a start, we need to try and open our minds for the good of our country. Maybe open discussions without the ego?  In any case, I do hope the future generations will learn from our, my generation's ignorance and insecurities.

I am a high school adviser for a virtual school. I had a student that transferred from Viet Nam to an international high school in Arizona.  He was diagnosed with cancer in October. He signed up for our online school so that he would be able to continue his education while undergoing chemo.   I went to visit him and his mother who were living at the Ronald McDonald one day and had a great visit. I asked him why he chose the United States out of all other countries. He said because in the United States there really is the freedom to become what you want, to do what you want and express yourself however you want.  Needless to say he made me think and his comments helped me to still be grateful for our country.

The last communication I had was when his father wrote and said that the doctors were doing all they could to save him but it didn't look good.  I haven't heard from them and when I tried to call, I was unsuccessful and there was not voicemail set up yet. Not a good sign.  I'm still hoping for the best, but still, not a good sign.

Is our country like this amazing, brilliant student?  Do we have a political form of cancer that is killing us?  You decide, you always do.

For You Ed! You Will Be Missed!

It's early morning, Friday.  I just got back from the gym, suns up, birds singing. A new day.  However, the text I received last night from a former student's father takes me back and causes me to leave the moment and go back.

Ed walked into the center where I was a site coordinator and was open to being a part of our little school community.  Students who would choose online school had the opportunity to come to me and do their work; more structure and I was there to help them stay on task.  He was smallish, long, light brown hair, glasses. He settled in and soon I learned how brilliant he was.  His ability to think and problem solve was incredible and his vocabulary far surpassed mine.  Ed was an old soul in a young, fifteen year old body.  Some days he would come in early and talk.  He would tell me his problems, his dreams, so much.




Ed was a spitfire and in my opinion, was almost too intelligent.  He had the emotions and body of a young teen, but the mind of someone far older than his age.  I tried to tell him that love was the only answer when he would tell me things that annoyed him.  And he always remembered.  I told him if he didn't remember anything else, remember this; always move towards love.

He was at the site for about two years.  I liked to say that I didn't have any favorites, but if I did.......

I have since switched jobs and am not there anymore.  The site was closed.  About a month ago I received a text from Ed's father saying that Ed said hi.  It also said he had a girlfriend.  I hadn't heard from Ed in about a year.  Then last night, his father's text said that Ed was found dead on Saturday night, a gunshot wound to the head.






All I could do was sit and stare, cry a little and then say, "damn it Ed."  I don't know why I said it, but I did. On the way to the gym and on the way home I thought of conversations, good times at the site and just little, day to day things about him.  Death is so final.  It hurts the ones who are left behind and changes their lives forever. I just can't imagine what his parents are going through, and the long journey of grief they have ahead of them.  I just hope that wherever Ed is, he finds peace.  He had so much promise here. I will greatly miss him, his wit, and his golden heart.

Feeling Is Believing

The reason I celebrate Easter is to commemorate the fact that Jesus, his physical body and everything else, came back from death.






 It has always been my favorite celebration. It's one of the reasons I chose to follow Him those many years ago; and still is a huge reason I continue to choose Him.

I went to church today. I've been taking a break from going, and when they started singing, I felt like I was home.  I love music, not the traditional hymns, but newer ones.  Our church has an amazing band and singing team, I always get lost in the feeling of love, of focusing on Jesus as a person; what He did for me.


Music gives me a break from my mind and helps me delve into my soul.  And today the music took me there.  It's hard to put into words, but in spite of what politics and western society has done to Jesus and His teachings, I still call myself a follower.  And am proud and humbled at the same time to be a follower.

Looking at the origins of Easter, it actually wasn't a 'Christian Holiday' to begin with.  There's a lot of information out there and frankly, it would be too boring to turn this into a research paper, but just let me say this: I use Easter to celebrate Christ coming back from the dead.  Because of that, I find it difficult, even if I observed the Pagan version, to go out and buy gifts for the children in my life.  It seems it's getting more and more popular to do that. I see no purpose in it.  I'll do the Easter Basket thing.  Actually, I put them together usually the night  before Easter and then at our family get together, I give them to my grandkids.

However to me, at church, I felt a very sobering presence; an other worldly type feeling.





 It was good! It caused my mind to focus on God...Such a big word, such a big name!!





The mind and God just don't mix too well in my book, in my world.  I know there are people who love the theology and can discuss and , or debate the teachings of Christ and of the bible. Trust me, I know people who can rattle off bible verses to explain anything they want to explain.  But me?  I would rather absorb and appreciate the mystery. The mystery of how me, a human of the 21st century, feels connected with a dead person who claims to have come back from the dead.  I feel Him, just like I sometimes feel my dead father, or mother, or my young, dead boyfriend.  I feel Jesus, even though I've never physically met Him...I feel Him.

Today at church I felt Him.  I also felt the 'great cloud of witnesses' too....the other dead people I've known and loved but who didn't claim to physically come back.






 Which is neither here nor there about what they did or didn't claim. But what they all have in common on a personal level, is that they all claimed to have loved me.  And I feel them.  That is, indeed, a mystery.  Because of Jesus, death has lost it's sting.  That's enough for me.

"If we find ourselves with desires that nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world."  c.s. lewis


Happy Easter to you all.

The Things You Wish You Knew Earlier

Sitting here on a Saturday morning chillin'.  Dogs are at dog park and I'm enjoying the quiet! As I do , I am also enjoying one of my favorite things, reading quotes.  One of the best pieces I've every read (and heard, it's on a video) is "Everybody's Free To Wear Sunscreen".  Reading some of the quotes there brought up nostalgia and warm feelings.




 "Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good." That, in particular, pulled at my heart strings.



  My father died when he was a year younger than I am now. A massive heart attack. A few hours later he was gone.  In the ambulance on the way to the hospital he told the MT guy, "I think this is it for me.'  I think about his last few minutes so often. He was very strong, stubborn, charismatic, opinionated and straight to the point.  I admired his ethics. I admired the fact that he was a true believer and achiever of the American Dream. He built something out of nothing.  Life is never the same after someone that influential in your life is no longer around. At least not around physically. On a rare occasion I can almost feel him.



My mother died ten years later.  A couple of days after she died we all received little cards in the mail telling us she loved us.  Most everything I know about how to love well I learned from her.   She was a great listener.  I would sit for hours and talk about things.  She listened.  I loved telling her about the song lyrics that meant so much to me. She listened. I would tell her about boyfriends, friends, most anything.   But there were a few times I listened to her.  She had a couple of boyfriends.  There were men interested in her, they just fed her ego, which in my opinion, is awesome.  I listened to stories about what a rebel she was. You wouldn't have known it. She had morals that caused her a lot of pain later in life. Thinking things should be a certain way.  I blame that on religion, not truth; But inside she was a rebel who always questioned.  That's why this beautiful, sweet little Catholic girl ran away to Chicago, worked at a radio station and found her future husband.  A Jewish guy.  Catholics weren't supposed to marry Jews. And of course, even more so, Jews were not to marry Catholics.  Religion can really screw people up!!!


I really didn't get to know my parents the way I wish I would have now.  I miss them every day.  The pain is sort of gone, but the emptiness never leaves.  It's something you get used to. It's just a part of life.




 I wish my parents could see my new grandson.  Yet I think they do.  Not sure, but probably.




Nostalgia and memories......sweet!



Another quote that is probably the best advice I've ever heard is, "Keep your old love letters. Throw away your bank statements."  Of course I didn't.  I had kept one.  It was from my young boyfriend.  He died at 18.  And his words meant the world to me. Especially later in life.  He signed it, "No matter what happens, I will always love you." I even made a photo copy of that letter. After moving from one state to another, I finally lost it.  I wish I still had it.





 Ahhhhh youth.

Nostalgia.  Nothing beats it.  Tonight, where ever you are, have a glass of red with me, watch the video below,  and toast to good advice and nostalgia.


https://youtu.be/xavFb4WH7o0

Copy and paste in the address bar....It's totally worth the time and effort.

Is It Still A Man's World?

I've been married forty years. When we were first married I remember my husband saying something to the effect that if I ever "went back to work"  (Really?  As if raising a child and managing a household wasn't work.)he would do his share to help out. Trouble is, that his "share" was never defined.  But my share was already defined, without words, by our society.  As  I understood it, my "job" was to make sure the house was clean and organized, the children were well fed, as well as the husband, and the  bills were paid.

I'm an empty nester now so in my world, I feel the pressure is off.  However, I"m really hoping the world has changed....but I don't think it's changed much.  My daughter who is a full time teacher, trying to change the world, one child at a time, and also a full time mother of three, has had a mini crisis. Not a biggie, but it's the little foxes that will spoil the whole vine.  A thought crossed my mind today, "Go do  surprise cleaning and laundry for your daughter."  What a  thought!  And seriously, I really like to clean.  Today I wanted to concentrate on laundry as well.  I wanted her to come home and see that she has nothing to do this weekend other than attend her sons sports events. So I worked my ass off cleaning and doing laundry and loving every minute of it.

But the idea remains....why aren't men more involved? Don't they mind living in disorganization and filth? They don't mind their urine on the rim of the toilet?  Or has it been taken care of  for them for so many centuries that they just don't get it? Is it still a mans world?  I remember as a young bride reading books on how to make your husband happy.  One of the ideas was to wrap yourself in plastic, totally naked, other than the plastic wrap, and greet him at the door. I think the name of the book was, "Fascinating Womanhood". Really???

Okay, well, it's  a Saturday night and the cool desert air is refreshing. I'm alone other than my faithful dogs. It's been a great day. I loved seeing my daugher's expression when she realized there wasn't much to do at home for her this weekend.  Apparently my love language is acts of service.  I love giving, and it satisfies me every time to see the joy in my kids face when I help them out.

But back to the point. It can't be a man's world. We will fail if it is.  So men, if you haven't already, do your fair share and make it work.

That's Amore

ro·mance

rōˈmans,ˈrōˌmans/

noun

1. 1.

   a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.

Ah romance. the joy of it...the aliveness of it...the fleeting glory of it. 

Why does it always seem to be for the young?  It's an odd thing it is. I was captured and frozen in the idea of romance at a young age; eighteen to be exact. Fortunately I was able to find my way out of the dream in my late forties. But it was too late.

 I'm still fascinated, and sometimes love songs, sad love songs especially, make me come alive.  

There is something about feeling attractive and lovable again.  I've been married for forty years, but I must say that when an attractive man takes a second look and smiles, I walk away feeling young again, like I'm sixteen again.  "I've still got it!" is what I think. As egotistical and vain as it is, it's the truth.  

Ahhh romance.  It's confusing, sentimental and emotional, but I love it.  Not just romance with the opposite sex, but romance with life. Romance with the ups and downs, the drama and the quiet times; that's what causes me to feel this mystery that is associated with love.  And indeed, it is a mystery that I can't put into words. 

But by far, the most intense example of romance is between two humans who have an emotional, psychological, and sexual bond with each other.  Sometimes, when we have been married for years we forget that romance is still alive and well.  Unfortunately, it seems the only time we remember is when we have lost our love. I wish it were different.

Please, if you have read this far, watch the video.If you've seen it before, again, please, watch it again. And here's to the romance of your life.  Long live love! 

My Age Old Battle

Why is it that negative feelings inspire me to write more than positive ones?  Geeeesh.  I've been here before.  Yep, it's about weight. I'm discouraged and feel defeated. I think I have this eating addiction.  I mean, it's not like I'm really hungry. Maybe it's also an age thing.  I work my ass off at the gym about three times a week; not bad for a woman in her 60's. I'm just getting tired of it.  It does keep me healthy, but you would think it would help me stay trim and slim.  Nope, the only thing that will do that is not eating as much.  If I listened to my gut, that inner voice in me that is never wrong, I'd be okay. But gluttony and perhaps boredom step in and alas, I've lost.  I actually don't ever remember a time in my life where I haven't battled my appetite.  And yes, it's not the weight that is the issue, that's the symptom, it's the appetite.

You would think at my age it wouldn't matter and I'd just pack it in and give up.  But I was fat once; really fat. And I was more miserable than I've ever been in my entire life.  I was lost and my personality changed to make up for the unhealthy state I was in.  It was about twenty years ago that I decided to get rid of the weight. I did it however I could.  But I did it; eventually.  And now it's slowly coming back on and I am petrified. I don't ever, ever want to lose myself like that again.

I realize that putting my thoughts and feelings "out there" is allowing myself to be judged, and that's okay.  But I have to write about this.  If you have never been fat or even had a huge battle with your appetite, then just quit reading now. You won't get it.  I can't even imagine how free it would feel not to think about it so much, to dwell on it or even feel it in my body.But I bet it's an amazing freedom.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not miserable all the time. Believe it or not, after I do work out, I feel invigorated, alive and healthy. For the last week I've done nothing but sleep, eat and feel awful. I've had the flu and it's really knocked me down this year.  So much for the flu shot!

No purpose for this blog other than venting.  I know, I know, things could be so much worse. I have a friend who is fighting cancer. It seems so selfish for me to complain about eating too much.  I'm grateful for my life, for my health and for the riches that I have been blessed with. But tonight, I'm venting.

I Wanna Pack My Bags and Take a Boat to The End of The World

I have this uncanny ability to know when something bleak is going to happen. As you can imagine, it's not a competency that I enjoy or welcome.






 My heart has been heavy ever since the election.






Even in my own personal life things have been a little bit of a struggle from a first world perspective.  But the atmosphere in our country is more disturbing; it's darker than I've felt for a long time.




 I'm trying to keep my head above the proverbial tumultuous waters of our time.  It feels like the Viet Nam era where controversy and borderline despondency was felt all the time; every time you turned on the news.



Some however, are celebrating the fact that Obama is no longer in power, and the same group of people are enthusiastic and hopeful of....of.....honestly, I'm not sure what they are hopeful for with this administration.  Perhaps they think we will soon have a financially profitable America that will take them back to a seemingly more prosperous time.  Maybe it's the Christian Right that seems to think that if we ban abortion, ban same sex marriages and ban anything else they perceive as immoral,  God will bless America.  Maybe they're jubilant because they feel if we shut our doors to the tired, the hungry and poor we will be a safer nation, a more prosperous nation.



The trouble is that I do have an idea why some are pleased Trump is our new leader and they are all listed above.  Elections and new presidents are not supposed to divide families and friends, but it does.  It has.    But I have to say the division is on the opposition as well. Not seeing that this man is closing doors, building walls, and promoting hate is incomprehensible.  As a Christian I believe closing our doors to the type of people this new administration is singling out is hard- hearted and detached from anything Christ taught.

What do I want to do?





 I wanna  "pack my bags and get a boat to the end of the world" .  I love that Dave always has  a song that will sing my soul's inaudible words.

Love Not Hate Will Make America Great...My New Slogan...Wish Me Luck

It's been a rough time lately. The election and new leader of the free world has brought a lot out in me that I don't like. And.....







...........I have allowed it to be a grey cloud that hovers over my existence.  I think it's time for change.




I remember going through a time of soul searching years ago and deciding that I didn't' want to be the hateful, angry person I had been. Sort of like now. That angry person seems to be resurrecting and showing her ugly, painful, hurt self. Again, I will do some soul searching and then decide how to go about change; how to continue to move towards love.





I went to the Women's March in my city yesterday.  It wasn't a march of victory or even much of a protest, just a march trying to show solidarity that what has made America great is love, not the absence of love.  You can be against something, but show love. When the Viet Nam Vets came home in the 60's and 70's, they were not greeted well because of anti war protests.  It hurt our country more than helped.  We vowed we would never do it again.

I heard a slogan that was continually chanted yesterday, "Love not hate will make America great".  It keeps going over and over in my mind.  Good thing the power of words!! I made a decision those words will take precedence in my mind for the next four years.  I've put too many negative things out there that  come back to haunt and mainly hurt me.  But, I still believe and stand by what I put out there,  as odd as it may seem.   Feeling betrayed by my own "religion" is something I can't shake. I used to go to this amazing counselor and after pouring my heart out  about an issue, she would usually say, "And what can you learn about yourself with this?"  Again, I will ask myself this, and perhaps there will be change for the better deep inside my very core.



Maybe I'm finished trying to save the world, or even finished trying to make a difference.








Maybe I should do what Garrison Keelor suggested so many might do for the next four years; "Grow heirloom tomatoes" and busy myself with hobbies, doing the best I can at work, and loving my family; both humans and four legged members.

I've read posts saying things like, "Get over it, we won " and "I'm tired of hearing you're not happy with the results" .  I guess I'll take the hint.  I'll quit trying to explain why a lot of the world is perplexed that we have chosen such a man for president. Maybe, just maybe, I should even hope for the best.  (That's gonna be a challenge!!)



In the meantime I have no regrets about what I've said or done. What I posted  were things the new president had said, or pictures of his wife posing nude about ten years ago.  In my defense, I said nothing about whether posing nude is wrong or right. I just basically said that this is our new first lady.  People thought my post  was tacky, and perhaps they were right.  It was tacky, but it is who she was.  And one last word in my defense, if Michelle Obama had done it,  not one of the people who told me they thought it was tacky would have come to Ms. Obama's defense about tackiness. They would have been silent and let it grow like cancer; and it most definite would have. (Thank you Ms. Obama, for being a gracious, strong lady if integrity!!)






I really am not sure how much longer I have here on earth. Maybe twenty years, Maybe more, maybe less.  I remember one of the last things I heard my dad say was, "I have about ten or fifteen more years left" and five days later he died of a massive heart attack.  One of my goals is to die at peace with myself without using any masks, addictions or spurious support systems.







 My little sister is a wonderful example of moving towards peace yet not compromising her convictions about love and what is good, lovely, peaceful and worth meditating on.  Good job Sherry!!

So, wish me luck with my new challenge.  Wish me luck filtering my own thoughts and using discipline, and wish me luck that if nothing else, I will be able to spread a little compassion, love and even hopefulness. Thanks for reading this to the end...xoxoxo

Dear President Obama,

I couldn't watch tonight because I would have cried.  Instead I got into a pissing match (excuse the pun in light of the 'breaking' news) with some guy who posted something on my facebook page defending Trump's insanity.

Anyway, thank you so much for all you did for our country.  Thank you for creating jobs. I remember when you took office things were going downhill fast in this country.  Small businesses were shutting their doors, and even some large corporate owned were laying off way too many people. One of them was my son in law, along with thousands of others who worked for the same corporation.  It was very weird and the whole country had a truly depressed feeling.  You changed that.  Now, house prices have risen back up to almost what they were before the crash, employment is way up, and derelict buildings are now places of business.  If anyone made America great, you did.

And your most beautiful, dignified wife?  I'm just so sad she will be replaced by a soft porn star.  How can that be?  I feel like I now live in Biff Tanen's Hill Valley where every one is hard- hearted and corrupt. But back to your wife Michelle.  I'm so grateful for her and her strength. She was and is such a role model for young girls.  She has beauty, dignity and integrity.  She will be most sadly missed.  I hear the new "first lady" (UG...I don't even like calling her that.) doesn't even want to live in the White House.  Her husband is a billionaire and she probably isn't used to real class.  Oh well....

I know you spoke about being hopeful, positive, and getting out and doing something if we want change.  That sounds all fine and good, but I'm old and done. I don't have the energy anymore. And frankly, I'm worried that it won't matter anyway.  The best thing I believe that I can do is just try to stay peaceful and respectful. It's really easy for me to get angry and go over the edge. Not that I have no control; I choose to go there, and that's not who I want to be.

So for the next four years I'll just decorate, continue to try and lose weight, and be thankful I have a stay at home job which I love.  I loved you and your family Mr. President, and am so very sorry you will not be able to stay.  You did the best job of any president I've ever experienced, and I'm 60 something.  Your legacy will be amazing.  Especially to people who value peace, justice, equality and freedom.

God bless and keep you and your family.

Peggy