...........I have allowed it to be a grey cloud that hovers over my existence. I think it's time for change.
I remember going through a time of soul searching years ago and deciding that I didn't' want to be the hateful, angry person I had been. Sort of like now. That angry person seems to be resurrecting and showing her ugly, painful, hurt self. Again, I will do some soul searching and then decide how to go about change; how to continue to move towards love.
I went to the Women's March in my city yesterday. It wasn't a march of victory or even much of a protest, just a march trying to show solidarity that what has made America great is love, not the absence of love. You can be against something, but show love. When the Viet Nam Vets came home in the 60's and 70's, they were not greeted well because of anti war protests. It hurt our country more than helped. We vowed we would never do it again.
I heard a slogan that was continually chanted yesterday, "Love not hate will make America great". It keeps going over and over in my mind. Good thing the power of words!! I made a decision those words will take precedence in my mind for the next four years. I've put too many negative things out there that come back to haunt and mainly hurt me. But, I still believe and stand by what I put out there, as odd as it may seem. Feeling betrayed by my own "religion" is something I can't shake. I used to go to this amazing counselor and after pouring my heart out about an issue, she would usually say, "And what can you learn about yourself with this?" Again, I will ask myself this, and perhaps there will be change for the better deep inside my very core.
Maybe I'm finished trying to save the world, or even finished trying to make a difference.
Maybe I should do what Garrison Keelor suggested so many might do for the next four years; "Grow heirloom tomatoes" and busy myself with hobbies, doing the best I can at work, and loving my family; both humans and four legged members.
I've read posts saying things like, "Get over it, we won " and "I'm tired of hearing you're not happy with the results" . I guess I'll take the hint. I'll quit trying to explain why a lot of the world is perplexed that we have chosen such a man for president. Maybe, just maybe, I should even hope for the best. (That's gonna be a challenge!!)
In the meantime I have no regrets about what I've said or done. What I posted were things the new president had said, or pictures of his wife posing nude about ten years ago. In my defense, I said nothing about whether posing nude is wrong or right. I just basically said that this is our new first lady. People thought my post was tacky, and perhaps they were right. It was tacky, but it is who she was. And one last word in my defense, if Michelle Obama had done it, not one of the people who told me they thought it was tacky would have come to Ms. Obama's defense about tackiness. They would have been silent and let it grow like cancer; and it most definite would have. (Thank you Ms. Obama, for being a gracious, strong lady if integrity!!)
I really am not sure how much longer I have here on earth. Maybe twenty years, Maybe more, maybe less. I remember one of the last things I heard my dad say was, "I have about ten or fifteen more years left" and five days later he died of a massive heart attack. One of my goals is to die at peace with myself without using any masks, addictions or spurious support systems.
My little sister is a wonderful example of moving towards peace yet not compromising her convictions about love and what is good, lovely, peaceful and worth meditating on. Good job Sherry!!
So, wish me luck with my new challenge. Wish me luck filtering my own thoughts and using discipline, and wish me luck that if nothing else, I will be able to spread a little compassion, love and even hopefulness. Thanks for reading this to the end...xoxoxo
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