God Bless America

Most who know me know that I almost went into a severe depression this last election.  I couldn't believe that someone like Mr. Trump was elected by Americans, my peers, my fellow citizens. But the fact is, he was.  Why? Well, maybe I'll talk about that later but now, I want to vent my view of both parties and why we're all losing .  Both parties are being manipulated to drive America apart and for sure, that will be our downfall.  I know, I know, opinions are like.....well....truly?  They're like assholes, everyone has one.  So here's mine; all of us, no matter what your political affiliation, should put issues aside and concentrate on unity being the number one item of importance.  Why has this not been done?  I won't even go there now....that would certainly be a book of many pages. .

I lean more on the side of the liberals because honestly, that's where I see the most compassion, that's where I see the concept of caring for others, and that's where I see putting your money where your mouth is when it comes to the idea of loving others. I'm beginning to believe that even compassion and caring are tools used to manipulate the masses towards supporting a particular person into power. Obviously!  And of course it's ALL about ego and money, not the welfare and unity of us, the little people, or people terribly underprivileged, or people who are not Americans.   So be it.  The republicans seem to have a thin veneer of some sort of perverted moral pretense.  Politicians use the illusion that the money we earn is really ours to hoard however we want and keep it; you made it, don't let the government take it from you. And yep, so be it.

I went to a high school graduation the other night.  The two talks I heard by two different students actually gave me hope in our future. I hate to tell you, but the American dream is not really a dream if others go hungry or homeless, or have no support towards independence.  And from what I heard, these kids see that and are on the right track.  One student spoke,  and what I heard more than anything was how we are to be grateful for a roof over our heads and clean running water coming from our faucets. Sure we all say we are, okay, then why get so upset when the lawn mower doesn't work, or some other first world problem.

People my age are filled with ego and silly opinions that encourage division. Sorry, one visit to facebook and that's what I see. I'm not excluding myself.  I'm trying very hard to get away from that in my own life. It's difficult!  But it's troublesome when I hear people say things about the poor. Things like, "Well, they just need to get a job."  Easy to say when you've been in a little white bubble all  your life.  And these same people... I have not once seen them suffer from poverty. I don't mean themselves being without, I mean experiencing for a year or so living or working or just visiting 'the other side of the tracks and becoming one of under privileged, or mentally ill.


Then you have the liberals..maybe seemingly filled with compassion, but could care less about unity. It's truly like an evangelical religion.  A "we are right because we care and want to save the world" attitude. And to me that is truly a cancer in the development of peace.  It seems right of course, but the silly, pseudo intellectual hate I see posted on facebook and spoken about in conversations is toxic. AND, if they get their way, if someone is elected that they totally agree with, then of course, the hate will spew from the other side; the conservatives.

So what's the answer?  I wish I knew. But for a start, we need to try and open our minds for the good of our country. Maybe open discussions without the ego?  In any case, I do hope the future generations will learn from our, my generation's ignorance and insecurities.

I am a high school adviser for a virtual school. I had a student that transferred from Viet Nam to an international high school in Arizona.  He was diagnosed with cancer in October. He signed up for our online school so that he would be able to continue his education while undergoing chemo.   I went to visit him and his mother who were living at the Ronald McDonald one day and had a great visit. I asked him why he chose the United States out of all other countries. He said because in the United States there really is the freedom to become what you want, to do what you want and express yourself however you want.  Needless to say he made me think and his comments helped me to still be grateful for our country.

The last communication I had was when his father wrote and said that the doctors were doing all they could to save him but it didn't look good.  I haven't heard from them and when I tried to call, I was unsuccessful and there was not voicemail set up yet. Not a good sign.  I'm still hoping for the best, but still, not a good sign.

Is our country like this amazing, brilliant student?  Do we have a political form of cancer that is killing us?  You decide, you always do.

For You Ed! You Will Be Missed!

It's early morning, Friday.  I just got back from the gym, suns up, birds singing. A new day.  However, the text I received last night from a former student's father takes me back and causes me to leave the moment and go back.

Ed walked into the center where I was a site coordinator and was open to being a part of our little school community.  Students who would choose online school had the opportunity to come to me and do their work; more structure and I was there to help them stay on task.  He was smallish, long, light brown hair, glasses. He settled in and soon I learned how brilliant he was.  His ability to think and problem solve was incredible and his vocabulary far surpassed mine.  Ed was an old soul in a young, fifteen year old body.  Some days he would come in early and talk.  He would tell me his problems, his dreams, so much.




Ed was a spitfire and in my opinion, was almost too intelligent.  He had the emotions and body of a young teen, but the mind of someone far older than his age.  I tried to tell him that love was the only answer when he would tell me things that annoyed him.  And he always remembered.  I told him if he didn't remember anything else, remember this; always move towards love.

He was at the site for about two years.  I liked to say that I didn't have any favorites, but if I did.......

I have since switched jobs and am not there anymore.  The site was closed.  About a month ago I received a text from Ed's father saying that Ed said hi.  It also said he had a girlfriend.  I hadn't heard from Ed in about a year.  Then last night, his father's text said that Ed was found dead on Saturday night, a gunshot wound to the head.






All I could do was sit and stare, cry a little and then say, "damn it Ed."  I don't know why I said it, but I did. On the way to the gym and on the way home I thought of conversations, good times at the site and just little, day to day things about him.  Death is so final.  It hurts the ones who are left behind and changes their lives forever. I just can't imagine what his parents are going through, and the long journey of grief they have ahead of them.  I just hope that wherever Ed is, he finds peace.  He had so much promise here. I will greatly miss him, his wit, and his golden heart.