The in between time; not morning yet, but the night is over. Mysterious things would happen during this grey area. At least in my mind they did. And then, after a few minutes of feeling I had been in another world, I would fade away again, into a deep sleep.
Now it's a time when I wake and prepare myself to stay healthy. Have to be at the gym at 5, so I drink my coffee in bed, surf on my phone and then drag myself up and out.
I'm 66 and starting to feel my age. I still think I'm my daughter's age at times. It's been a rough winter so far. because the flu and other bugs have been brutal. My body is taking a beating. My right thumb is getting to the point where I can barely clutch my coffee cup and I now am considering surgery. Something I never would have done before.
So, mornings alone with coffee are also a time when I meditate, reflect and pray. This morning the thought crossed my mind of how powerful being grateful can be. And trust me, I'm extremely grateful. My family is healthy, I am healthy, we have beautiful roofs over our heads and my grandchildren are intelligent, happy, healthy and beautiful. I am grateful. My car is my friend; yep, that's right, my friend. Loyal, beautiful and will take me places whenever I turn it's key. My body is still pretty good to me. I'm as strong as any woman (and some men) that are younger than me, and I still do reps at the gym three times a week. Yes, I'm extremely grateful for so much.
But it's true, if I'm honest, and that's why I started writing here in the first place; to write thoughts and feelings from my heart. I'm getting older and older and someday I will die. My son, and probably my daughter too, know I'm obsessed with death and the whole experience of dying. I have prayed for a good death, a peaceful death. And I've prayed that for my whole family. Some who just say science is the only real thing we can put our "faith" in, they will see when their end is here, they will find out.
However, I really do want to concentrate on living and being grateful, feeling healthy, beautiful and full of life. At least that's what my mind keeps telling me to do. At times though, I think I feel all my loved ones who have gone on. I was shopping yesterday and came across a coffee cup with a lone lady bug painted on the front. My mother loved lady bugs and when she died, her children were all together, when a swarm of lady bugs came. They just kept coming, for days. Of course I had to buy the cup. Now, at this early hour, drinking my coffee in that lady bug cup, I think of her. She's been gone for more years than I can remember, but her memory is clear as day. Or is it her memory? Is it her I feel at times? That comforting way she loved me; was there for me all the time. Her love never failed me; ever.
Good morning all, have a great day and remember to count your blessings, be grateful. Yet take time away from your screen to stop for a few....be alone, be still and wait, think and feel the moment. Because that is really where it's all happening.
