A lot of bills have been due lately; you know, the house payment, the water bill...that time of month. And I'm not talking PMS. However, we just turned the corner and our bank account is okay. I went grocery shopping tonight and that's when I realized I'm a true shopoholic.
Seriously, I am! I'm walking through Frye's (our local grocery store) and realize that I have this sort of euphoria just being there, walking down the isles. My mind was like, "let's see, what's in this isle that I need, that could actually make me happy, that would make me feel...uh...well........... yeah, okay, whole again??? Yep, that's what I was thinking. I was happy walking down the light filled isles, where there are myriads of choices...make up, pain killers, drinks, food, gum, cleaners, anything you can imagine..even furniture....wow....
Before you get all judgemental on me I do believe we all have our ways to self medicate. Even you. It could be religion, or doing good, or drinking, or druges or working. It's true. If you are honest, you'll agree with me. If not, you're in denial. It's called 'the human condition'. A pastor I was listening to on the internet put it perfectly, "humans are messy". I know I am.
Walking down the isle of the grocery store I realized what I've always known deep down. I'm addicted to shopping. It gives me a bit of happiness, security, freedom, and feeling of wholeness just to know that I can get what I want, or need or whatever. It's an amazing, warm, cuddly feeling.
In actuality, I can't get what I want, but I know for sure I can get what I need. I am truly grateful for that and always will be. But I did want to share this vulnerable part me. The part that likes the shiney things on the shelves that seem to be calling my name; telling me that I will be so much happier if I could just buy this particular thing.
And when I do buy, the high lasts for a few good hours and then is gone. I still am happy with the item..but..well...the high is gone and the reality is that humans are messy and they will do anything to try and clean up the mess...But it will always be there.
Yet, there is something that lasts. It may not be a high, it may not be a temporary fix, or self medication. It's beyond our little minds, or our lonely hearts...but it's there. Just keep looking and don't get lost in the isles of life.
No comments:
Post a Comment