"To Change the World, Start With One Step..However Small, the First Step is Hardest of All"

Years ago when I worked for a behavior disorder school, I was called "Little Mary Sunshine".




 Nope, not by the students, by the staff.  They called me that because they said I was always positive, smiling, etc. For a huge part of my life I worked very hard to think good things about people,and situations.  Lately it's been  difficult.  So here I go with a vent; a rant....A friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer, our church was flooded and has millions of dollars worth of damage, someone else near and dear lost their job, my princess dog is getting so old I have to lift her up to make it to her favorite spot, a daughter of a friend of mine nearly lost her life going home from softball practice by getting hit by an SUV that ran a red light, and all the haters I come in contact with are truly getting on my nerves.  All the haters?  I really want to punch them.



Sadness is the root of anger I believe, so I'll succumb to that.  I don't even try much anymore not to read the horrible things going on this world.  I had a pact with myself that I would steer clear of all the crap going on in the world.  Lately, that's been badly broken.  I know when I'm in trouble when I feel a dark cloud hanging over my head.




 My dogs usually cheer me up, but I look at them and feel sick knowing someday they'll die.  Death; it's on my mind so much lately,  and that's not good, I'm still alive, my dogs are still alive, my friend's daughter is still alive, my friend who was diagnosed with cancer is still alive and my friend who lost his job has two great places who have already offered him a job.



So, it's been a few days since I last wrote what you have just read.  I have been on fb plastering all sorts of hippy, love, peace sayings on my page.  And I believe them in my heart, with all of my heart.  But most of the time my feelings do not match truth.  For instance those fuckheads (scuse my french) who behead people; I want to blow them and everyone like them up...pow, one, neat little bomb.




 But Jesus, the one that I truly look up to, the one who spoke truth more than anyone else, he told us to love them....love them....pray for them....forgive them...OMG  how is that possible???  But I still believe him, love him and try to follow him. The ' love your enemy ' thing is a real test though, of exactly how much I want to follow him.  Because we can't just rationalize that thing that he said. We can't just say something like, "well, that means.." yada, yada, yad.  It means people who are your enemies...people who do horrible, unimaginable, ruthlessly evil things.  Yeah, I find it very difficult to follow Jesus on that one..but I will try.

It's a Friday and I'm really happy to have a break from technology, demands for help in algebra, and having a time I check in and out.  It's my free time and I appreciate that immensely.  Usually on  a Friday I have a glass of red, or a shot, and unwind, and reflect about what is really important. And what is that? you might ask.  And I will say, "I'm glad you asked."  It's loving, doing for others, and loving yourself.

Wednesday night I wasn't feeling so great.  I work out three to four times a week to stay healthy so I can keep working.  Wednesday I was tired, achey and not wanting to do anything but be a mouth breather in front of the tv watching another episode of House Hunters.  I made myself pick up my pitiful a$$ and go to church to help with the aftermath of the 'great Phoenix flood.'  It actually energized me.  It was good.

So, with that I will close my ramblings for this Friday night and have a discussion with my husband soon about what is good for the world, why it is good, and then debate it all.

You have read this to the end and I thank you for your energy and time.  Love, love, love to you!

To change the world,
Start with one step.
However small,
The first step is hardest of all.

Once you get your gate,
You will walk in tall.
You said you never did,
Cause you might die trying,
Cause you might die trying.
Cause you---

If you close your eyes,
Cause the house is on fire.
And think you couldn't move,
Until the fire dies.
The things you never did,
Oh, cause you might die trying,
Cause you might die trying.
You'd be as good as dead,
Cause you might die trying,
Cause you might die trying.

If you give, you, you begin to live.
If you give, you begin to live.
You begin, you get the world.
If you give, you begin to give
You get the world, you get the world.
If you give, you begin to live.

You might die trying.
Oh, you might die trying.
Yeah, you might die trying.

The things you never did,
Cause you might die trying;
You'd be as good as dead.
You never did.