Sex, Lies and Dogma

Okay, I admit the title was mainly to get your attention.







 However,  it  relates to what I want to write about.  That is, dogma that oozes everywhere out of religious circles.  Dogma, not to be confused with practices.  I have a Catholic background. At least up until I was about 13.  Really, I was exposed to this religion at a very, very formidable age so it sticks in my memory like when you get  permanent marker on your clothes.  That's why I wanted to look into where Lent originated and see if it is something I'd like to do this year.

I'll try to make this short.  Anyway, this morning I was curious .  I looked up the 'origins' and found, of course, a lot of information.  The information that was most disturbing was that of some Christian site condemning Lent and saying how it does no go along with "the bible".  Of course I was on the defensive.  Only because I started thinking about what really does go "along with the bible".  Let's talk about the commandments.  You know the ones...the ten we, as believers most often like to quote.
But according to the Jewish commandments there are 613. In Exodus, Leviticus and Deuteronomy the "court" has the command to execute by decapitation, strangling, burning and stoning.






 Yep, if you want the exact reference in the bible, let me know.  Or look it up yourself. There is also a clear command not to divorce.   In any case, I do believe that bible is the "inspired word of God" written by humans.  If religions are going to "only go by the bible" maybe it should be thought out a little bit more in depth rather than trying to find material to back up a way to control people with fear.







There are horror stories of rape, murders and lies in the bible.  Whatever you want to find, it's there.  So why do so called "educated" (???) believers say things like:

"People who observe Lent may be religious, dedicated and sincere—but they are sincerely wrong.
Let’s examine Lent, its practices and customs, its historic and religious origins, and its true meaning from the Bible’s perspective, not from the “traditions of men” (Mark 7:7-9).
 ( http://rcg.org/articles/ttmol.html)

That quote was from the Restored Church of God denomination.  And yes, I go to a Church of God. (However, I really don't hear any of that nonsense from the pulpit.  It's a great church that pretty much sticks with Jesus and how great is/was.) Still, it is disturbing that so many religious organizations turn their opinions into the "Bible's perspective".

I associate myself as a follower of Christ Jesus.  I believe he was/is God in the flesh.  I believe his physical body came back to life after a pretty horrific death on a cross.  I believe he was born from a woman who had never had sex, yet she became pregnant. (I know, it's really hard to swallow that one.)






 And as with these mysteries that can't be explained in any way, shape or form, I look at the bible as being a mystery as well.



To try and figure out why a loving God approved of  murdering animals and humans alike is a mystery to me. To try and figure out why God told Abraham to take his son and tie him down and kill him sure makes me wonder what the hell was going on and why did God tell him that?  Is God some type of sadist?  I mean, when I think of God telling me to do that to my only son I would totally say, "Are you freakin' kidding me???? NO WAY I"LL DO THAT!  THAT MUST BE THE VOICE OF THE DEVIL."  Right?  I mean really?  If you're honest, you would say the same thing.

So why is that in the bible. Oh yeah right....to teach obedience.  Obedience is better than sacrifice yada yada yada.....Still, did God have to do that to Abraham to "test" him?  What does that say about the character of God.  Forget looking at ourselves and our ability or desire to "obey" God.  Look at God in that story.  Why?

Enough about that.  I choose to believe that I love a good God, a loving God, a God who wants me to love him back on my own free will without threats of pain and suffering. I mean, there's enough of that already, and I think God knows that well enough.  When I was a new Christian, when I first decided that Christianity was what I wanted to believe and associate myself with, it was because someone told me to look at Jesus, to look really hard at Jesus.


 And that I did.  Wham, it happened.  I saw a love I had never seen before.  A love that loved me back.  A love that broke my five year smoking addiction. (two packs a day) in a moment. (I didn't even want to quit, but I couldn't smoke after that decision. It made me physically sick.) I looked at Jesus and found something that words can't describe.  Jesus basically said to me that he would take my hand, lead me through a pretty rough life.  He said that it was going to be a crazy ride but that HE would be there for me.  I might not be able to see him, but he promised me he would be there.  And he has.  In my darkest hour, in my happiest, most joyful accomplishments. Just let me say, it is a love strong enough that has kept me going for decades.




Take my eyes off Jesus and what I see is division, hatred, silly opinions of mysteries too great for our small minds, and I see no hope.

There ya have it.  My ramblings on why believers might want to consider keeping focused on what Jesus said. Anything else is just a practice, like Lent.  That's enough to make it a lifetime study.

"Come 
As you are 
As you were 
As I want you to be 
As a trend 
As a friend
As an old enemy
Take your time
Hurry up
The choice is yours don’t be late…"
Kurt Cobain 

Have a great Saturday!


(thanks Laura on fb for all the great images!!)

The Most Profound Spiritual Truth

It almost seems like I woke up one day and said, "Why am I old? Where did my dad go? Where did my mom go?  And who are these children who say they came from me?"  No, I'm not getting Alzheimers, at least I hope not.  I have been thinking and feeling lately, mostly feeling.  Once, a long time ago I was taught not to trust my feelings. I'm not so sure how great that instruction was.  I followed it though, and turned into a very jaded person believing  my feelings were a sort of enemy, something discipline could rule and control, if not destroy.



When I was a very little girl I had faith.  I would go to church and sit in awe of the mystery that I felt in the quiet of marble, carved images of the holy family with gleeming rings of gold around their heads, and large paintings of Jesus bloodied on the cross.







Later, after experiencing the death of a loved one, after letting life wear me down at  too young of an age, I was  told that, "God is good, all the time".  I so wanted to believe it! I would sing it, say it chant it.   I told myself over and over it was true.  But deep down in the secret places of my soul, the place where I crammed all those feelings I was advised not to trust, a cynical, old voice welled up and exclaimed with sarcasm, "Yeah, right!"  And the secret was out. The feelings that were trapped for decades escalated their way up the murky hallway of my heart and began crawling out. It wasn't pretty either.

At this point everything I came in contact with let me know it was time for change.  It was time to get really real!  As I started my ride an "aha" moment happened.  This quote says it:  For I do not do what I want to do, but the very thing I hate."  I was a Christian,  I knew that!  But the false security that I believed came with Christianity disappeared like pressing the delete button on a thousand page essay and losing all you had written.
  

To spare you  the gory details, let's just say I changed. Slowly.  I allowed my feelings their freedom (slowly) and my mind cooperated in accepting their messages.  With that, I realized I wasn't sure if God was so good after all.  Quite a heavy speculation since my faith was what I thought kept me from falling apart.  I gave up trying to hold on to security.  It was probably one of the scariest things I've ever done. However,  I did follow my belief that if truth is truth, nothing can destroy it. And truth is real.

At one point, I felt darkness enclosing me, starting to swallow me up.  It was really very odd and it's difficult to put into words.





 But if I wanted to embrace the truth, the truth about what I believed or didn't believe, I had to go to a very unfamiliar place, like it or not. What happened is that I realized, by going through a small, personal hell, God is indeed good.  It branded my soul with that truth.  I felt like and still feel like God has this integument over me; that he won't give up.  He will hang on to me....and he has.



“We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.” 
― T.S. Eliot, Four Quartets




It's been quite a ride, I must say, from the day that I let go and decided to listen to my feelings.  I have learned by  reading, praying and analyzing that love is the truth.  That God really IS love.

 So, back to the beginning of this whole blog..I've been thinking and feeling a lot lately.  Mostly feeling.  Nostalgic, sad, happy, a constant ebb and tide of processing life, love and truth.  Yes, I'm old-ish.  Yes, I'm on the top of the family ladder. But I still think of my mother, my father as if they were a phone call away.  Sometimes even I forget that my mother isn't here. That doesn't happen so often anymore.  I have no idea why I miss them more at certain times, but I do.  Holidays, the quiet moments of a beautiful, sunny day.  Sometimes it gets lonely here at the top of the family ladder, but c'est la vie.

 I think my biggest fear is that my children, my children's children, won't remember my parents. That their lives won't matter any more.  That my father was this charming, honest, opinionated man who made his way from the ghetto to a successful entrepreneur, singer and actor. I'm resentful that even now, my grandkids really don't know that my mother was one of the most loving, giving, encouraging women of all time. That without her who knows where I'd be. I see small glimpses of their lives fading into oblivion  like everyone else that has gone on before. They are shadows, slowly disappearing. And I'm not willing to let that happen, just yet.

I don't feel like this adult that I see in the mirror, I don't feel the passing of time.  Truth is, I am an adult and time waits for no one.


“This is the most profound spiritual truth I know: that even when we're most sure that love can't conquer all, it seems to anyway. It goes down into the rat hole with us, in the guise of our friends, and there it swells and comforts. It gives us second winds, third winds, hundredth winds.” 
― Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith