Alternate World

Where do I begin?  There are  times in my life I coast sweetly down the smooth streets of life.  Until....until I unquestionably make a turn, like clockwork really. It's a stop sign and I turn without a thought.  And there it is... a small place I sort of recognize.





  I have almost forgotten it altogether; until now.  Picture a movie from the 1950's, no color. It's that place where I've landed.  The color is back over the hill, or the corner, or where ever I seem to have just been.  But now it seems like at a thousand years ago.



It's a place that makes me think of being alive. It makes me stop and count what matters....what life is, what life could be, what life could have been, a slower pace with more thought into everything. It's not sad, or happy, but it's peaceful and accepting.  My values are settled when I'm here and the truth is clear at every corner.  There are no words. Just a sort of melancholy.

The only words I relate to, that inspire me are, of course, Dave's...of Dave Matthews. His lyrics to Black and Blue Bird.  But it's the tune that carries me. Have a listen and enjoy!

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"Black And Bluebird"

If I could fly at the speed of light, I
could get to Canis Major in five thousand years
Butterflies and black and bluebirds
I’ll never be the same since I met you
Pennies thrown into a fountain
Make a wish, blow out the candles, take a breath
God is troubling when you consider
believers that would welcome the end of the world

Got a job and it pays me
I want love more than I deserve
I read the paper, makes me crazy
There’s gotta be a way to make it work, oh

Ashes, stardust,
look at us crawling out the mud
Let’s go around the block
we’ll make the most before the jig is up
Dreamers, the big talk,
we’ll never know the thickest never stop
Ashes, stardust,
look at us crawling out the mud

I know that dying is scary to us
but everybody do it one, two, three
On the sidewalk, the dandelion
is reaching from a crack up to the sun
Words can be a wicked tool
For twisting truth I wanna be true to you
Blood and bones, black holes and stones,
all those things pave the way for you and me

Got a job and it pays me
I want love more than I deserve
I read the paper, makes me crazy
There’s gotta be a way to make it work, oh

Ashes, stardust,
look at us crawling out the mud
Let’s go around the block
we’ll make the most before the jig is up
Campfires and high rise
you never did quite know when to stop
Ashes, stardust,
look at me crawling out the mud

If I could fly at the speed of light, I
could get to Betelgeuse in about six hundred years
Butterflies and black and bluebirds
I’ll never be the same since I met you
Baby, dying is scary to us
But everybody do it A, B, C
God is troubling when I consider
believers that would welcome the end of the world

Got a job and it pays me
I want love more than I deserve
I read the paper, makes me crazy
There’s gotta be a way to make it work, oh

Ashes, stardust
look at us crawling out the mud
Let’s go around the block
we’ll make the most before the jig is up
Ashes, stardust
look at us crawling out the mud
Ashes, stardust
look at me crawling out the mud

Butterflies and black and bluebirds
I’ll never be the same since I met you
If I could fly at the speed of light, I
could get to Betelgeuse in about six hundred years
Butterflies and black and bluebirds

To My Son

To my son:

The first twenty or more years of a boy's life he spends trying to cut the apron strings.





 After that, his life develops, his thoughts become his own decisions and he is walking, one step at a time, on his own.  No one is helping him really.






 He finds a soul mate, a partner, a beautiful wife who loves him endlessly, through thick and thin, good times bad times, you know the vows.







After that first twenty years then, a mother starts to really, really let go.






 You know the saying, "A daughter is a daughter all her life.A son is a son until he takes a wife."  Lots of truth in that.  But let me indulge on some motherly sentiments.  A mother's love is probably the closest to God's love I've ever experienced.







That's how it was with my mother.  I say that not because it's more powerful than a person and their soul mate.  I say that because as a mother, I feel a little like God.  I know, that sounds extremely arrogant.  But it's true. If God loves us no matter what, that's what mothers do.  Fortunately you are successful; at least you should know that you are. Maybe  sometimes you think you 'could have, should have, would have', (or maybe not) but you need to know I am so proud of you; everything about you.  The way you think, the way you are.  NEVER doubt that.

I used to think we thought so much alike. I'm not so sure anymore. It's too presumptuous for me to think that.  But we do like the same type of music. That's fantastic because music is my second language.

With that I'll close.  Be patient with me. I'm getting older and although I may have a long time left; I may not.








So I think differently now.  Just a little anyway.  I'm trying to be better, I'm trying to be at peace with myself and God.  It's going really well too. I'm probably happier than I've ever been.  More confident, more at peace.






But one thing I want you always to remember: I'm proud of you, of your heart, of your mind, of your choices.  Don't be too hard on yourself, but don't let yourself get away with a lot either.  If you feel loved, which I hope you do, give it back to someone.





 If you stop and think about how many people love, that's a lot of love.  Take time to feel it.  Then give it back to someone, anyone, but always give love.  I love you son.  Just wanted to let you know.