I've been trying very hard to adjust to our new 'circumstances'. Meaning not a lot of money. Now, before you start judging let me just confess...To have, and then not have, is probably more difficult than to never have had at all. I read that somewhere and I totally agree.
I think I wrote in an earlier blog that I think I could have been a queen in a former life; if there were former lives. I love beauty, I love celebrations and I love all things shiny.
Times are hard. Do we not all agree? And yes, I am spiritual, but yes, I am very material. Material is a part of everyone's life whether we'd like to admit it or not. I, as Madonna so melodically put it, am a material girl. But also as David Bowie so rock out put it...ch-ch-ch-ch-changes. Things are changing.
Times are hard and people don't have what they used to. At least a significant portion of the middle class who thought they were sailing. I also confess though, as to not making the best financial decisions. I'm not going to defend myself and talk about that if it were a different time and a differnt place, especially a different time, things would have been okay for all my decisions. Se la vie~~~!
Christmas is my favorite holiday. I think my parents, especially my mother, just ingrained that into me. Our family Christmases were the best memories I had as a child. Unfortunately you can't reproduce your fond memories.
I loved going to my grandparents house on Christmas. And then, when we were grown and had families of our own, we all gathered at my parents home and exchanged gifts. It was almot a gift orgy. But it was fun. We would always discuss religion, politics and relationships, not to mention the "do I look fat" comments between multiple layers of amazing food. Usually someone was offended or cried, still, we left hugging and telling each other we loved them. Ahhhh...the good ole' days. I miss my parents at this time of year the most. I have this odd feeling though that they are with me; trying to communicate but are frustrated at our lack of abilty to perceive the spiritual.
At this time of year I also think of loves gone by. You know, a younger me that was filled with promises for the future and the idea that I would never die. That is until my boyfriend of two years died in a jeep a few months before Christmas.
Yes, it's inevitable that we think of loved ones at this time of year. The midnight masses on Christmas eve, the wonderful, promising gifts of more life to come. Yep, in this 60th year of my life, it seems those times are a dream away.
Still, I ramble. We, meaning my husband and I, are going through hard times.
Not too bad, but still. I am used to doing what I want to do, spending what I want to spend and there you have it. I love Zumba. \
At our gym there was this Christmas Zumbathon to raise money for the YMCA (where I work) so that the Y can give to the less fortunate. Ha! Lo and behold, I wasn't able to go because it wasn't in our 'budget'. I LOVE zumba. I could dance the night away. Still, I wasn't able to contribute so I wasn't going to be able to attend. While working out that day my boss asked me if I was going to be there. I told her it really wasn't in my budget and that was okay that I couldn't go. (She knows how I love Zumba) She told me, "You cant' not go. Help me with registration and be there." I was so grateful to her for making a way and I had the time of my life on a Friday, dancing the night away with some amazing, zumbalicious, women. I am so grateful to my boss for making a way. How cool is that???
Christmas is about love, connection and being with family, friends and loved ones. Yet it's also about beauty and love. I am a fan of beauty and love. What is more beautiful than a huge, and let me reinterate HUGE God, sending the only son as a human to feel what we feel, to love what we love, and to care how we care, as a gift to humankind??? Really? Oh Holy Night is all I can say.
Peace to you all, and to all a good night.
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