Last night at a party I was talking to a mutual friend of our daughter's and ours. My daughter used to train at the gym I go to and this friend took her classes. He told me how he missed her, how there is no one like her, etc. etc. As I listened something remarkable happened. I suddenly started seeing her not as my daughter but as a woman in her own right.
The friend proceeded to tell me about how strong she is, about what a presence she has. He told me when she walks into a room, everyone knows she's there.
Yes, my daughter. A quietly powerful woman who changes the atmosphere of a room for the better....always for the better. Gracious, elegant, sophisticated and wise.
If you have a grown daughter you may get what I'm writing about. I've watched her grow, but never was able to step back, take off my "mother" hat and see her as someone I've just met. Last night I had the "ah ha" moment, last night it happened. In some odd way, my momma hat blew off and there she was, in my mind, unattached to me. I like her a lot!
The strange thing about this whole new perspective is now I see this strong woman, yet I switch to another scene. She is lying in her newborn aquarium (that's sure what it looked like to me as they were taking me to recovery after an emergency c-section done under general anesthetic ) They stopped in the hallway and rolled up a little glass container where my new baby lay. It looked like a tv screen with a tiny, fragile, porcelain human type doll with the most amazing eyes. Piercing eyes. They looked straight into my soul, and mine into hers. For the first time I felt what truly is unconditional, pure love. Never before had I experienced such a powerfully deep force. And of course, I teared up. That moment was seared to my soul. I'll never forget it....It's like it was just yesterday it's so clear!
As a mother I have so many regrets. I still do. Not standing up for her enough, not cuddling her 24 hours a day, you know, the same old stuff that can keep your mind from thinking about the weather when it's 3 a.m. and you've had too much coffee that day. But I want this to be about her, not me. I digress.
Back to my girl, now beautiful woman. This friend from our party last night talked about how he misses her and I could tell he was sincere. So many people say the same thing. I see they're not just saying it because that's what you say when someone says goodbye. It's been a while since she's been gone and they still tell me the same thing. We have a trainer who's taken her place and what is said when they talk about my girl; "Yes, the new guy is nice, he's a good trainer, but he's not Shauna."
She is now in the ranks of the underpaid, under appreciated teachers dealing with our country's greatest natural resource, children. This is what she was meant to do...at least for now. Her passion is evident when I hear her talk about experiences with the students. Her love, compassion and wisdom follow her around like the sun would if it were never to set and there wasn't a cloud in the sky.
In her personal life, she juggles three kids, a husband, a dog, a cat and a home.
Something I know I could never do without being a grouchy bitch. She takes it in stride and deals with all of the rocky places with grace. She, of course, won't see it that way. Maybe someday she will...I hope so.
She is determined, sassy, beautiful, and chooses her words carefully. But when she finally does speak, she means what she says. She's to the point, firm, and all done with a beautiful smile..
So, I'm talking about my little girl here. This baby I brought into the world those years ago when I was just a young thing myself. Now, she has her own girl to ponder , to love, to watch grow, to someday write about.
(Did I mention what an amazing writer she is?)
It brings to mind the song GiGi. I'll change the words a little, but the sentiment is there, in me.
Getting older, it is true
which is what they always dotill that unexpected hourwhen they blossom like a flower! But...but,There's sweeter music when she speaksIsn't there?Could I be wrong?Could it be so?Oh where, oh wheredid that little girl go? Am I a fool without a mindOr have I merely been too blind to realise
You're not at all
That funny, awkward little girl, I knew
Oh no! Over night there's been a breathless change in you While you were trembling on the brink
was I out yonder somewhere blinking at a star?
Have I been standing up too close
or back too far?
When did your sparkle turn to fire?
And your warmth become desire?
Oh what miracle has made you the way you are?
Why you've been growing up before my very eyes
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