But that was back in the '70's. Now it's 2015. Two thousand fifteen! WOW! Here I am, in Phoenx, (although a cold Phoenix) and living a good life. I feel so much younger than my 1970's memories saw me as in 2015. A good life indeed! I have made so many mistakes, so many regrets, but in actual fact, I have experienced a lot of life. A lot of love, a lot of precious memories. Also, a lot of not so good memories. I try to not bring them up, but they are all a part of what makes my life what it is.
I have loved and lost...but that's life isn't it? The losses as well as the gains? Because life is unpredictable I'm not sure what this year holds, but as of now, one of my very best friends ever just may not make to the next new year's day. I try not to think about it a lot, but when I realize her legs are giving way, then it becomes a hard, fast reality. She's confused and has this blank look on her face when I move her to face me rather than the wall. She has been there for me in so many difficult times of my life. That is the type of friend who becomes a soul mate.
Other than my human loves, she is the love of my life...for this time anyway.
I will move on. It's new year's day and it's been a lazy one. Nice and lazy. Laying around, playing on the internet neighborhood, and nursing my sore throat. Life is good. Life is real. I am accepting. I have learned so much in the last few years. I have learned so many tools that will help this idealistic soul cope with living in an imperfect world. I have learned to know who my true friends are. They are not necessarily old friends..they are the 'connection' friends. You know the type...soul connections. I reconnected with a friend I hadn't seen in over 30 years this last month. It was so good seeing him. An immediate familiarity was resurrected. There is a type of warmth, a type of "oldness" that has existed seemingly forever which was felt; by me anyway. I think I'd be safe to assume by him as well.
I have learned that I alone am responsible for my own happiness.
Such a huge lesson. I have learned to accept me for what I am, what I will be, and what I was. But I have also been able to see the past me in a different light. It's all good!
These past few years have been so good to me, but they were not free. The cost was gong deep into the questions of my soul and facing them not as the enemy, but as a fact. A fact that there really are questions, there really are uncertainties. At the same time, they are not something that I want to get lost in.
I don't want to get lost anywhere.
Years ago I remember sitting on my couch and saying, out of the blue....no kidding...it surprised me as much as anyone...but I said out loud, "I am lost." I mean really? I was watching some tv show. some mindless tv show and not really watching. But this person from deep in my soul basically said that she was tired of being ignored. She said to me, out of my own mouth, "I am lost." My husband acted a little surprised. ""What did you say?"....and I was dumbfounded, but honest...."I said I'm lost." And that was that. I don't even think there was a discussion. But the journey that followed was a journey that dwarfed Narnia.
At least in my little life.
And so it goes. Here I am, 2015. So many years later. I believe God is love. I believe that Jesus is real and that HE is alive and well on planet earth. I believe that Jesus IS God. I believe the kingdom of heaven is within us...like HE said. And yes, I really do believe love will conquer all.
So, with that...here ends this little blog; until next time. I love you all. No kidding. I really do. Peace to you!
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