Most of my life I have been around people who shunned the idea that animals were anything but something to be used by humans. A lot of the people I used to hang with thought that animals were under the "dominion" of humans.Which means it was okay for them to abuse, eat and do whatever else to them for human enjoyment and greed. I hate that philosophy. They even use scripture for it. Which makes me hate it even more. It's bullshit!
In my own experience living with my dog Lexy for sixteen years now I realize that they communicate, if only we will be aware; if only we will listen. I'm not sure when I began knowing what she was wanting at times, but I can read her like no other. She'll act a certain way and I'll tell my husband, "Oh, she wants this and she doesn't want it this way, but she wants it this way with that on top." And when he does it the way I explained she wanted it, she is content.
There is also the belief that dead animals communicate with us. Well, firstly, I believe that dead people communicate with us. Look at Jesus, he tries talking to us all the time. I know I listen, but most don't. I heard my father say my name one night after he died. I heard it with my ears, not in my mind. I believe the dead can talk. When I had to euthanize my beloved Murray, it was probably the most difficult thing that I've ever done.
I felt the life go out of him; I felt his body go limp. It was horrendous. To this day I have a hard time with it. Now, before I go on, I just want to say that my life hasn't been all lollipops and roses. I've been through some pretty hard times. So hard it made me totally believe in a hell. But this time, euthanize my boy Murray, was devastating.
One night , I was with my husband in a hotel in Tuscon. It was on the top floor and had a french door that led to a balcony. I woke up and felt that I saw Murray outside on that balcony. It was snowing in this vision, and he was happier than I'd seen him in a long time. It makes me teary eyed telling you about it. (He was always in pain. He was born with hip problems and had hip surgery which really didn't help him, in my opinion.) Anyway, it really felt like he visited me. YOu know, a feeling deep down where you just know. Then another time, I was looking up at the sky and there in those puffy white clouds was his shape. I swear, it looked just like him. Clouds. That looked like Murray.
I'm getting old. I'm getting tired of catering and conforming to silly human standards of ideas about animals being like inanimate things..I remember once when my in-laws were visiting. My boy Murray was sick. Now, before I go any further you have to know that Murray was a gentleman. He would never do his "thing" in the house. He always went out. But at that time, he was sick and had diarrhea all over the white, guest room rug. My husband was livid, my in laws were totally not gracious, and I felt horrible for Murray. But my husband was embarrassed. I knew he was sick and I was pissed that no one really cared about him. People are arrogant. If it were now, I would have done things so much differently. I would have told my in laws that perhaps they had better go to a hotel where they would feel more comfortable. And inside, I would be relieved that they were gone, not having to worry about them and being able to help Murray feel better. You realize, animals don't have that ability to be arrogant. At least not that I've seen.
I"m writing this to use this forum to tell all the animals that have been a part of my life that I"m sorry. I'm sorry that at times, I treated them badly. I could have been so much better. I'm too ashamed to even go into it. But I know one thing, animals are far more forgiving than humans. But still, I wish I could do it all over. You know, do things differently. I would be there with Koobie when she had to be euthanized, I would have given Mike the meds that he really needed, I would have taken better care of Louie, I would not have given Shaun away because he bit the mailman. I have so many regrets and I'm so very sorry.
I have three dogs. One is almost ready to go over to the other side. She may last another year or so, or she may be gone tomorrow. But you can bet I'll do my best to make the rest of her life pleasant. My other two are the loves of my life...other than my husband of course. I will do what I can to give them the best life that I can. Just like with my children. I don't believe my children owe me anything. I brought them into the world without them having to choose. It's a difficult, imperfect world. They didn't ask to be here. I owe THEM. I owe the animals that I choose to be a part of my life..I owe them the best.
I'm hoping that I'm getting this whole feeling from God. I'm hoping that God feels the same way. You know, sort of responsible for me in a way. I know, it's complicated.
So, I'm ending this blog with a sigh. And not a lot of editing. Watch the video at the beginning of the blog, it speaks volumes.
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