We;ll Make the Most Before the Jig is Up!

This is the end of another birthday. I must admit it was interesting.  Non-eventful,  but interesting.  If you've read me at all, you know that I believe Dave Matthews sings my soul. What I cannot express, where I can't find the words, he does...and even more so, he puts just the right melody to the deepest expressions of soul; my soul anyway.  Amazing art that it is!  I took the day off from my job.  At my age I sort of wish I didnt' have a job, but at the same time, if I didn't I think I would go mad. 

I've been feeling such a  deep meloncholy today...is it because I've been alone to think?  If I'm with someone dancing, talking, having a good time, I don't have to just think.  Hmmmm something disturing about that.  I just wish there would be someone out there that would get it.  I believe there is.  My husband is younger than me. Not by much..but he is.  Life is  funny like that. 

That's why I love this song...thanks to my friend Heidi..she gets it. I think that's why she's such a fan.  There are words and melody that make such a fine couple, they express so many peoples deepest thoughts, desires. Happy birthday to me...I do love life...as much as I hate it, I love it!
If I could fly at the speed of light, I
could get to Canis Major in five thousand years
Butterflies and black and bluebirds
I’ll never be the same since I met you
Pennies thrown into a fountain
Make a wish, blow out the candles, take a breath
God is troubling when you consider
believers that would welcome the end of the world

Got a job and it pays me
I want love more than I deserve
I read the paper, makes me crazy
There’s gotta be a way to make it work, oh

Ashes, stardust,
look at us crawling out the mud
Let’s go around the block
we’ll make the most before the jig is up
Dreamers, the big talk,
we’ll never know the thickest never stop
Ashes, stardust,
look at us crawling out the mud

I know that dying is scary to us
but everybody do it one, two, three
On the sidewalk, the dandelion
is reaching from a crack up to the sun
Words can be a wicked tool
For twisting truth I wanna be true to you
Blood and bones, black holes and stones,
all those things pave the way for you and me

Got a job and it pays me
I want love more than I deserve
I read the paper, makes me crazy
There’s gotta be a way to make it work, oh

Ashes, stardust,
look at us crawling out the mud
Let’s go around the block
we’ll make the most before the jig is up
Campfires and high rise
you never did quite know when to stop
Ashes, stardust,
look at me crawling out the mud

If I could fly at the speed of light, I
could get to Betelgeuse in about six hundred years
Butterflies and black and bluebirds
I’ll never be the same since I met you
Baby, dying is scary to us
But everybody do it A, B, C
God is troubling when I consider
believers that would welcome the end of the world

Got a job and it pays me
I want love more than I deserve
I read the paper, makes me crazy
There’s gotta be a way to make it work, oh

Ashes, stardust
look at us crawling out the mud
Let’s go around the block
we’ll make the most before the jig is up
Ashes, stardust
look at us crawling out the mud
Ashes, stardust
look at me crawling out the mud

Butterflies and black and bluebirds
I’ll never be the same since I met you
If I could fly at the speed of light, I
could get to Betelgeuse in about six hundred years
Butterflies and black and bluebirds 

Could I Have Been....Anyone Other Than Me?

I have to be honest with you, with myself.  I want people to read me.






  Most people want that. They want to be known. The older I get, it seems the more that even words don't matter.  But words are all I have...are all we have.




 They are the most common way to communicate. So here I am, fingers to the keys, trying to find the words to express what the last 60 some years have been to me...My 60 some years.  That's right, 60 some.  Geeeesh.  I can't believe it. I feel so, so much younger. (And honestly, because I've tried very hard, I look younger too.)






But the fact is, I'm not. I'm nearing the end of the story.  My father died when he was my age. I think of that all the time.  My husband says, "But you're so much healthier than he was."  And he's right. I am.  I used to want to die at 75.  I'm not so sure anymore. It depends on what that looks like.



My 50's were my best years physically.  I felt so magnificent. I felt as if I could compete with any 20 year old.  I remember once when visiting my son in college, one of his fraternity brothers asked him to introduce his "sister" to him.  What a charmer!!!!  And yes, it was so damn charming. I ate it up.  In my 50's I had a 20 something hit on me.  That was great for my sexual identity. And I could go on.  The fact is, I'm in my 60's and identity is something I don't think about any more. I know who I am and know what my purpose here on earth is/was.


 

I've always said that I feel like a cat with nine lives. I'm actually on my 9th I think, but I alway wonder "what if". You know?  Just what if I had been............There's a Dave Matthews song that totally rings a bell with me:

Could I have been
A parking lot attendant
Could I have been
A millionaire in Bel Air
Could I have been
Lost Somewhere in Paris
Could I have been
You're little brother
Could I have been
Anyone other than me
Could I have been
Anyone other than me
Could I have been
Anyone

He stands touch his hair his shoes untied
Tongue gaping stare
Could I have been a magnet for money?
Could have been anyone other than me?
Twenty three and so tired of life
Such a shame to throw it all away
The images grow darker still
Could I have been anyone other than me?

Then I look up at the sky
My mouth is open wide lick and taste
What's the use in worrying, what's the use in hurrying
Turn turn we almost become dizzy

I am who I am who I am well who am I
Requesting some enlightenment
Could I have been anyone other than me
And then I'll

Sing and dance
I'll play for you tonight
The thrill of it all
Dark clouds may hang on me sometimes
But I'll work it out
And then I
Look up at the sky
My mouth is open wide lick and taste
What's the use in worrying, what's the use in hurrying
Turn turn we almost become dizzy

Falling out of a world of lies
Could I have been a dancing Nancy a dancing Nancy
Could I have been anyone other than me?

The questions are with me, but not always.  I'm pretty accepting. I've always been an addict for change, for adventure.  Still am.  If an opportunity arose, and it would have to be really good, would I?

"could I have been anyone other than me?  .

Dear Student,

Dear Random Student,

I don't think you realize how much I care for you.


When I tell you that you have to read the instructions carefully, I'm not kidding.  You do.  But then again, some of you don't care. I wish with all of my heart I could make you care, but I can't.



Your most important goal is to make the grade. The grade that will earn you the respect of your family and everyone else in between.  So, lying, cheating and doing what you have to do seems like the easiest way. After all, that's what  adults have taught you through their actions. The next election will prove that.


I don't know if you know this, but I pray for you. Whether you believe in prayer or not is your choice, is your privilidge, but I do.  I pray for every day on my way in to work.  I mention you by name to the big guy upstairs.  It's because I care and I know your problems are pretty much beyond me or anyone else in the educational field.  Even the counselors.  They have some advice...but no answers.

I want you to realize I wake up at 3 a.m. and wonder what I can do to help you.



 One of my main goals in life is to see you succeed.  And from what I've seen , there is no easy way.  You have to read everything, you have to try and find answers when there don't seem to be any.  You have to endure and not figure that someone else will do it for you.  Because maybe someone can tell you what page the answer is on, but they can't embed it into your mind for further reference to build on.


My confession is this: I'm too old to change courses. This is what I do best, so I will continue for the monetary rewards. And if there is a student who benefits from my concern, my time, and my care, then I'm all the more richer. 

Sincerely,
Your random educator

My advice to future teachers? Don't do this unless you mean business and are not in it for the money.