Little Moments

Why am I feeling so damned sentimental today?  Uhhhh..maybe because I've been going over Robin Williams videos and also because it's a cloudy, almost rainy day in Phoenix.




You can't have happy without the sad, and you can't have sad without the happy.  I'm convinced of that; at least if there is to be some depth in your soul.




 I'm eccentric and a bit incidental when it comes to my fascination of death.  I lost my first love when I was only eighteen.  I had a dream the night before he died that he was in an accident.  In any case, that sort of set me for life about being obsessed with death and the afterlife.  Personally, I think our society has more of a taboo about death than they do sex.  Whatever.  It is, for most,  a fearful subject because we all know there is no immunity nor escape from it's grasp.  As humans it seems we are very control oriented...and death is one thing that is way beyond our control.



Practicing what I preach would be the ideal.  Knowing that taking risks, living life to the fullest, and entirely enjoying relationships are the all-out important elements for us humans to possess a life of quality. Being conscious and intentional is something I've tried to incorporate into my day to day routine.



When I am pensive it's only instinctive that I look back more than forward. When I see or hear or think of something that touches my soul to the core, there are people and times that come to my attention;  like a slide show in my brain. I remember reading a book called, Sacred Romance, by John Eldredge.  In it he talks about prayer and how he experiences praying.  He said that he will sort of be still in his mind and when a specific thought or image stands out he says, "Okay Lord, where would you have me to go with this."  And that's what I do. It truly is an alluring journey when I follow.



When I take those prayerful journeys, it usually has me reliving and viewing some beautiful moments with people and things I love. The main thing, however,  these little, curious sojourns show me  that caring for others in the most unconditional way, loving others in the most unconditional way, is really the most important thing there is.  It's what we will take with us when we go to the other side of that  thin, foggy line.

My Loves

By now most of you know how I love animals. I can't eat them, and I can't think about leather being from an animal. Eventually I'll get rid of all my leather stuff.  But I'm not writing to talk about the evils of killing for gluttony or luxury.  I'm writing about my love of animals.  Now, as it is, I have three dogs. I really don't want three dogs...but I can't see me not having three.  It's truly like having kids, in all respects.  However, animals are a little easier but not a whole lot less expensive.



 I am dog sitting for my little grand dog Luke.  Luke is a 6 pound miniature poodle who is 16, going on 17 years old.  He has  a strong heart, still can see a little, not sure how much he hears, but has teeth worse than anything I've ever seen.  I took him to the vet today to see what I could do.  I can't stand to see suffering. I mean the poor little guy has to be uncomfortable, to say the least.  I was ready to pay up to $300 to have all of his teeth and plaque removed.  When I received an estimate of almost a thousand dollars I could have cried.  How freakin' absurd is that?  I saw the bill broken down to each item.  It was insanely ridiculous.  I told her I could not not afford this, nor could I afford the blood test to see if he could live through the procedure.  After waiting for a long time, the vet came in again to tell me she could put him on antibiotics and some pain meds.  Well, thank you very much. That's what I did.

I've cleaned Luke up, wiped away the stickiness from his eyes, and trimmed his beard and eye hair, then brushed his teeth and cleaned his mouth. It was followed by a spray that would clean his mouth a little to take away the horrible smell the bacteria was causing.

The third dog I've recently acquired is on Prozac. He had a very traumatic experience; his owner of four years gave him away for whatever reason.  He barks incessantly and we had to do something. It was driving everyone near him nuts.  Of course you can't yell, "be quiet" or anything else. To do that is just as crazy as the barking. It just doesn't work.  He barks because of severe anxiety.  FINALLY scientists are figuring out from observations and testing what I've known all of my life; dogs are a lot more intelligent than humans have given them credit for. DUH!!!

So, the beautiful Australian Shepherd is on Prozac and a pill from the health food store called Quiet Moments.  Don't laugh!  It works.



Being a doggie momma is a whole lot like being a baby momma. The guilt, the insecurities, the quirks, the questions, the joy, the pain.  It's not easy.  But to know that I'm giving these dogs a lot of love and good life is about as rewarding as it gets.












 Where the hell did I get such a messianic complex?

I love these guys.





They are sweet, innocent and subject to humans crappy ways we treat them and the earth in general.  I wish I would have been so vigilant when I was younger. In those days, people were much more valued than animals. We, the people who loved animals as much as humans, were looked at as crazy, almost as blasphemous.  Whatever....In those days I wasn't as secure with myself and my values as I am now.  The stupid people I put up with was mind boggling.  However, I can only blame myself and the times back then.

I'm glad we've come this far, but we have a long way to go. Let's keep going.

Mercy.. Will We Overcome This?

My heart aches for so many reasons.








 It seems the world "has lost her way again" (Dave quotes).









But it does.  Hope is almost a thing I've forgotten. Even the beautiful desert sky, always as blue as blue can be, is grey, is sad. Oven like heat is a reminder that things need to slow down, need to  stop.  I wish there would be a pause in this bitterness and loss, a pause to remind ourselves of the beauty in life.  But no pause...it just keeps going like a cog in a machine.  There doesn't seem to be happiness without the dull, achy reminder that it will pass and the sadness will soon seep in and spread like mold growing on a wall.  I know, not a good read tonight.





Is it me just getting older?  Is it me giving up trying to look at the "brighter" side? Or are things really bad?  I think they're bad.  And to try and blame is only a distraction to help us not feel the hurt, the pain.  

The Orlando tragedy is heavy and hard to bear.




We try to paint it into a political picture where guns are the villains.  Placing blame almost feels better than grieving someone we don't know. Anger feels better than the jabbing, knife like pain in our hearts.It must make some feel better to immediately look for someone to blame...but personally, I think it's a distraction from a reality that is so heinous it's difficult to wrap our minds around it.



People used to tell me I was too sensitive.






That's really bullshit.  It's such a horrible judgement call and I let it get to me when I was younger. I now see those same people ... they are the ignorant ones.  Apparently Jesus was a little too sensitive as well.  Is it too sensitive to love people, to wish all was well with the world?  To long for a world where there is no hate, or war or suffering?



 I don't think so.

I'll end with a song by Dave and quote by Anne Lamott:

“Hope is not about proving anything. It's about choosing to believe this one thing, that love is bigger than any grim, bleak shit anyone can throw at us.” 
― Anne Lamott, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith 

"Mercy"

Don't give up
I know you can see
All the world and the mess that we're making
Can't give up
And hope God will intercede
Come on back
Imagine that we could get it together
Stand up for what we need to be
‘Cause crime won’t save or feed a hungry child
Can't lay down and wait for a miracle to change things
So lift up your eyes
Lift up your heart

Singing mercy will we overcome this
Oh one by one could we turn it around
Maybe carry on just a little bit longer
And I'll try to give you what you need

Me and you and you and you
Just wanna be free yeah
But you see all the world is just as we've made it
And until we got a new world
I've got to say that love is not a whisper or a weakness

No love is strong
So we got to get together yeah
Gotta get gotta get gotta get
Til there is no reason
To fight

Mercy will we overcome this
Yeah one by one could we turn it around
Maybe carry on just a little bit longer
And I'll try to give you what you need

Mercy will we overcome this
Have we come too far to turn it around
Ask too much to be a little bit stronger
Cause I wanna give you what you need

Mercy what will become of us
Oh one by one could we turn it around
Maybe carry on just a little bit longer
And I'll try to give you what you need