Boyfriends were always welcome, food was rich and plentiful, gift giving seemed to never end, and heated debates thrived. It wasn't just my parents home though. It was the certainty of togetheress, the midnight masses, and of course, the boyfriend who would go to midnight mass with me. He was Dave and he too was a generous giver. He died in a car wreck in 1969; from then on Christmases became a little pensive for me. Especially at first.
I must say though, getting older is something I was not prepared for. I mean of course I knew it would happen, but just didn't know how very wistful it can be. All of the support I had from my parents, my grandparents and my siblings. Now I'm the support system except of course, I still have my amazing siblings. My sisters are the best but they're so far away. We can't recreate what was in the past. The long wait for Christmases, the joy and excitement of gifts, and the youthful, passionate conversations. I don't think we had a clue of how fleeting it all would be.
Maybe I grieve for what will never be again. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful and blessed to have my own young family with kids and grandkids to share memories. But it goes by so fast doesn't it? I miss my youth, I miss my parents and grandparents and even my boyfriend who died. It didn't seem fair. But life goes on; do I know that! New memories are made,love still abounds, but still, I'm not going to minimize the reflections of my past, of the times and of the simplicity. I didn't care who was president then, the war in Viet Nam was just starting, and I always tried not to think of how the world, my world, was changing very quickly too; changing from a global perspective to my own little bubble. Now I can't help but see that change is always and forever in my face. Literally as well as figuratively.
Looking around at how things are now I must say that I'm an optimist who hasn't arrived yet. We have someone who is head of the United States who seems like a complete and total jerk. After all, that family doesn't even have a dog, that's a huge red flag!! Not to mention his sons go out and kill beautiful wild animals just so they can stuff the heads for tropheys in their obscenely expensive homes. I won't go on.
Soooo while I'm still a tiny bit positive, I'll close with this: The Dream Academy's song, "Life In a Northern Town". Makes me teary eyed every time. Merry Christmas world.
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