My Son

Letting go is something that doesn't come easily for me.  And if it does for you I just say, "bravo"...let me know how you do it."  Take for instance my son.




 My baby.  He is 30 years old...and yet he is my baby.  His older sister is also my baby, but he is my 'baby'.  I'm almost embarassed admitting it.  Not embarassed for me, but for him.  (I'm sorry in advance, okay?)  In any case, we don't communicate so much any more.  He has a very busy, very full life and I'm happy for him.





 I guess that's the way it should be, right?  Your children grow, you teach them independence, and vwalla...there ya have it...they have flown the coupe, left the nest and their lives are now not in your control.  Not that they ever were,  but you know....You know at least if you're a mother.  It's this unspoken knowledge, this unspoken language that mothers have...they just "know" how you feel about your child. 

Looking at his pictures on facebook tonight something was just, well...was just sort of surreal.





 I saw this pic of him...and then of course, my computer went a little crazy, and this cloud like effect came over the pic and wouldn't move.  It was like I was looking at him in this vacuum of time. There he was, this man of 30, looking down into a camera.  And yet, I saw him as this little infant that I brought home from the hospital.  Like I went to the mall and ordered a son, and then came home with the one with beautiful green eyes, long lashes and beautiful, dark, shinely auburn hair.  He peed on me, first thing. That was his first act of independence. As if to say, "Really?  You think I'm yours??? HA!  I'll show you."   And thus began my journey as his mother. 



No one understood him the way that I did.  They all said that I would spoil him, but I knew better.  I knew his heart.  I still do.  His heart is good.  If it weren't, I'd be the first to know and admit it.  His love of children and animals says it all  He is a good man.  He was a good hearted child. 




Before I become too maudlin, I'll stop.  Otherwise I won't do him justice.  I love him...I love him so much my heart aches.  Only a mother will know what I mean. 





I won't be here but another 15 or 20 years. But he will go on after that.  I pray his days are good...I pray love in his life.  He told me when he was very young that his song to me was a  Whitney Houston song, "I Will Always Love You"....and my song to him, because of his ever young heart and ways is, "Forever Young". 

"May the good lord be with you
Down every road you roam
And may sunshine and happiness
Surround you when you’re far from home
And may you grow to be proud
Dignified and true
And do unto others
As you’d have done to you

Be courageous and be brave
And in my heart you’ll always stay
Forever young, forever young
May good fortune be with you
May your guiding light be strong
Build a stairway to heaven
With a prince or a vagabond

And may you never love in vain
And in my heart you will remain
And when you finally fly away
I’ll be hoping that I served you well
For all the wisdom of a lifetime
No one can ever tell

But whatever road you choose
I’m right behind you, win or lose
Forever young, forever young
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Venting....

I am truly not looking forward to this election year.  I have a liberal husband who thinks this country would be so much better without the "teabaggers" and then some distant, old friends who think "Barack Obama is the most wicked president we've ever had."  Because my husband actually listens to me, I need to spend time venting about the mentality of what my distant friend wrote.  To be honest,  it angers me.





 Because of that, I'm probably no better than him/her. So, that being said, I'll rant on.....To call someone wicked without even knowing their heart, in my opinion, is anti-Christian. Yet I'm sure that person will tell me that by Obama's actions, he knows his heart.  Okay!.  I get it....I just don't agree.   I know some probably think they are prophets of the old testament and want to sing out a loud warning to all who do not choose what they choose in terms of what they believe is morality.





A woman who I used to go to church with, amen'd the "Obama being wicked" statement.  Now, this woman who I used to go to church with, used to be crafty and talented.  She probably still is for all I know.  I used to have this little consignment shop and, at that time,  I asked her, thinking it would be a form of a compliment, if she'd like to put her crafts into the shop.  She, to my huge surprise, was offended and told me that I only wanted to use her.  That was not my intention. 







How she came to that opinion is beyond me.  At one time, her husband helped my husband lay carpet down in the first home we bought.  He told my husband that he "could help him."  In all fairness, we probably misunderstood this as a true labor of love. We were not in the habit of taking advantage of people. Not once did he mention payment.  In those days, that's what you did, you helped your friends.  Later, when she let loose about the  true feelings she had for  me, she brought up the fact that not once did we offer to pay her husband.  Okay, our bad, but really????

 

The big picture of what I think Jesus came to earth for was to let us know there is unconditional love and we, if we choose to follow him, should follow in that example.  I know I have a long way to go, otherwise I wouldn't even be writing this!  However, others, who are Christians, and who probably think I'm as lost as the nearest homeless dog, ALWAYS talk about being wise.  Yes, they have a point.. But you can have all the wisdom in the world and if there isn't love behind it, it's useless, truly useless. 



I'm not saying don't have opinions about what you think your religion is telling you to do or be.  I'm saying that whenever there is this we vs they mentality, just remember, you're human too, you and that other human are related.  We are to PRAY for people we consider our enemies, not tell the world how much we hate them.  Rules and regulations really help us get around that difficult task, that difficult mindset/heartset.  Jesus tells us to LOVE our enemies.  WOW  That's pretty radical.   Maybe that's why they killed him.  That's way too difficult.  It's much easier to protest and spread our beautiful wings of righteousness about the "moral" causes we believe are so much more important than human souls. 






Okay, well, I'm finished.  Sorry I rambled about my undealt with anger....pray for me...especially if it bothers you. I know I need all the prayer that I can get...but I also know there is a God who loves us...unconditionally...he came in the form of Jesus Christ....

Ode to Three Beautiful Women

I am so fortunate to have three wonderful sisters.  Two are my little sisters from my mother and father, and one is my little sister whom I have adopted as my own.  There is a special bond that connects me to each, and to each a very different and unique relationship. 



I'll start with the first:






She is only four years younger than myself and she is my go to girl if I need prayer, if I need to vent about my weight, and she is definately my beautiful, alter ego.  She is what I wanted be but never was. She was the cute cheerleader in high school AND on the homecoming and prom court.  She was the one everyone liked because she was and still is, so friendly and accepting of everyone, as well as one beautiful specimen of true femininity. Was I jealous?  Hell yes!  But I loved her as my own heart.  Once, when we were kids, she snuck out of the house, or was out too late, and tried to creep back through my bedroom window.


  Of course my parents found out , and because I was the "naughty" girl,  they assumed it was me. Just taking credit for being a good sister here:  I took the blame and wound up grounded for her crime.  In any case, I wasn't really that nice to her most of the time and have regrets.  (GEEEEZ  how many regrets do I have?  Let me count the ways...) But my sister, she is a joy to have.  I don't know what I would do without her these days.  When I was out of town alone and was stuck in a ghetto hotel, she was the one I called and cried to early in the morning after a very restless night of fear.  When I was stuck in nowheresville on top of a mountain, snow falling so thick it was hallucingetic, I called her for prayer at about 3 a.m.  She didn't care it was so early/late, she just cared I was scared out of my wits...and of course she prayed. I know I can call on her.
 





Then, there's my little sister who is next in age.




  She's about seven years younger.  She was the beautiful strawberry blonde among a family of dark brunettes.  When my mother brought her home from the hospital I felt I had my own little child.  Even at seven I had these motherly instincts, and of course I took them out on this sister.  I was in love with her soft, blonde curls, her pouty mouth and her quiet, unlike me, ways.


 
When we used to play together, I would mother her, comb her long blonde hair, and constantly give her my attention. 

As an adult, when I was going through probably one of the most difficult times of my life, she was there with profound wisdom, this time, taking care of me.


Her accomplishments are too numerous to count.  She sings, she acts, she counsels...what can't she do? Her ability to be intuitive is amazing. Am I jealous? Hell yes! 


Lastly, my youngest sister. She is my sister by choice.  She is about fifteen years younger than me:






She has captured my heart with her eccentric ways, her beautiful voice and her heart of understanding.  She is so beauituful that I have to make sure she doesn't fall for a guy just because he can't resist her timely, angelic beauty.  Am I jelous?  Hell yes! She is one that I call when all is out of control....not just a snow storm, not just a ghetto hotel, but when chaos seems to be covering me and I have no idea who I am.  I didn't grow up with her, but I will grow old knowing she is a part of my life, like my own blood.  Her sense of humor never ceases to make me smile exactly when I need to smile.  Because of her love of animals, she understands my extreme love of animals.  She is who I am in so many ways. 


A woman needs sisters!  How can life be full without these beautiful creatures who teach so much, give so much and accept you, just as you are, in all your weaknesses, addicitons, eccentricities and yes, and all of your talents.  I love these women as my own soul and will be forever grateful to them.  When I die, don't look too far away, I'll speak to each of you. 



Listen....Probably through a song, a pet, a dream, or maybe, if I'm lucky, my own voice.  And I'll say the same thing..."I love you, thank you so much for who you are and how you love me."