My baby. He is 30 years old...and yet he is my baby. His older sister is also my baby, but he is my 'baby'. I'm almost embarassed admitting it. Not embarassed for me, but for him. (I'm sorry in advance, okay?) In any case, we don't communicate so much any more. He has a very busy, very full life and I'm happy for him.
I guess that's the way it should be, right? Your children grow, you teach them independence, and vwalla...there ya have it...they have flown the coupe, left the nest and their lives are now not in your control. Not that they ever were, but you know....You know at least if you're a mother. It's this unspoken knowledge, this unspoken language that mothers have...they just "know" how you feel about your child.
Looking at his pictures on facebook tonight something was just, well...was just sort of surreal.
I saw this pic of him...and then of course, my computer went a little crazy, and this cloud like effect came over the pic and wouldn't move. It was like I was looking at him in this vacuum of time. There he was, this man of 30, looking down into a camera. And yet, I saw him as this little infant that I brought home from the hospital. Like I went to the mall and ordered a son, and then came home with the one with beautiful green eyes, long lashes and beautiful, dark, shinely auburn hair. He peed on me, first thing. That was his first act of independence. As if to say, "Really? You think I'm yours??? HA! I'll show you." And thus began my journey as his mother.
No one understood him the way that I did. They all said that I would spoil him, but I knew better. I knew his heart. I still do. His heart is good. If it weren't, I'd be the first to know and admit it. His love of children and animals says it all He is a good man. He was a good hearted child.
Before I become too maudlin, I'll stop. Otherwise I won't do him justice. I love him...I love him so much my heart aches. Only a mother will know what I mean.
I won't be here but another 15 or 20 years. But he will go on after that. I pray his days are good...I pray love in his life. He told me when he was very young that his song to me was a Whitney Houston song, "I Will Always Love You"....and my song to him, because of his ever young heart and ways is, "Forever Young".
"May the good lord be with you
Down every road you roam
And may sunshine and happiness
Surround you when you’re far from home
And may you grow to be proud
Dignified and true
And do unto others
As you’d have done to you
Be courageous and be brave
And in my heart you’ll always stay
Forever young, forever young
May good fortune be with you
May your guiding light be strong
Build a stairway to heaven
With a prince or a vagabond
And may you never love in vain
And in my heart you will remain
And when you finally fly away
I’ll be hoping that I served you well
For all the wisdom of a lifetime
No one can ever tell
But whatever road you choose
I’m right behind you, win or lose
Forever young, forever young
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Mom, I just want you to know that even though we don't go outside for talks like when we were younger, we still communicate a great deal. And always will. Beyond our years..
ReplyDeleteoh yeah and I love you and all that.. (like for real though, I do)
ReplyDelete