Christmas Eve, 2016

It's Christmas Eve, 2016.  It's a Saturday morning and I'm having alone moments.  My husband took our three pups to the park and I'm contemplative in the calm before the festive storm.  Sitting here thinking of people's stories and what makes them who they are. The other day as I was getting my hair done, a woman began telling me her story.  Her mother died in May, she was 90.  A few days after the funeral a woman  told her she was adopted; that her mother was not her biological mother. This woman is in her 50's.  Can you imagine?  I was full of questions.  I asked her if she ever felt as if  her mother  tried to tell her the truth about her unknown genealogy.  She told me while on her death bed her mother asked her, "What color are my eyes?"  The daughter, thinking  she was just probably delirious because she was so close to death, dismissed it and just answered, "My eyes are green mom."  The mother continued.  "What color are my eyes?"  And the daughter answered again, "Yours are blue."  "What does that tell you?", the mother responded.Apparently the woman tried to tell her daughter she was adopted; that she wasn't the birth mother.

When my mother in law was about eight years old she was in a horrible accident .  She was bedridden for probably a year.  A motorcycle hit her and she almost had to have her leg amputated.  Back in those days it would have been immediately cut off,if not for her very strong, stubborn mother. Unfortunately, my mother in law's accident molded her with bitterness, fear and a victim mentality.  Don't get me wrong, she was strong and had good points, but it was obvious she would not forgive the driver who hit her.

We all have stories. We all have issues.  And they affect our lives.  For the good, or for the bad, the things that happen to us shape us and mold us to make us who we are.  The thing is though, we decide how the events in our lives shape us. For the bad, or for the good?  We choose. Whether we want to believe it or not, we have control over how we react and how we will perceive life.   It's not easy sometimes, I know for sure, to let the tragedies, the odd twists, and the hidden secrets help make us better people.



This last year, 2016,  has been good to me.  I'm hoping 2017 will be even better.  Although I'm in denial about who has been chosen to lead this country of ours, I'm still hoping for the best.  I have decided to let the next four years mold me into a stronger person. I've decided to let this help me follow Martin Luther King, Jr, Gandhi, and my favorite, Jesus, examples by making sure that love and peace wins out over hate, prejudice and especially fear. Not an easy task!!  I decided  a long time ago that if something causes fear, I will intentionally move far away.  Fear is not of God, as the bible says.

My daughter in law and son will be welcoming their first baby into our world. A boy!  They will call him Brighton, Brighton Mac.  I am totally in love with this name. It moves my heart and now I feel as if I know him.  It's a strong, powerful name.  I can't wait to see him.  I imagine he'll have the same beautifully, shining black hair as his father, and probably green or blue eyes.  Both his parents are so good looking it would make you jealous.  And their spirits?  Wow...both mother and father are strong willed, passionate and extremely loving.  Brighton (I love saying that name) will be his own boy, someday, his own man.  I hope the he chooses to let love and forgiveness mold the stories in his life.



So, it's time to wash, vacuum, set up and get ready for a day filled with love, giving, and hope. Hope for the future.  Hope for my children and grandchildren.  I am one lucky woman to have such an amazing family who love me and their father as we are. They have loved us through the good and the bad.  Thank God for them; they are indeed a gift to us.  Prayer and hope go hand in hand, and I'm a woman of hope.  I hope this year my faith, especially,  will only become greater.  And to everyone I truly wish you peace.  Peace to you,  and peace for our small, imperfect planet.



Love to you!!!!

Couldn't end a blog without Dave, now could I?  I hope you listen!

Trump's America

I've been feeling a blog coming on for a while...so here I go.  It's been a while since the election. I still have not been on facebook for the simple fact that I don't want to have that negative energy implemented in my soul.  Yes, it's about the election. Yes, it's about the dufus who will soon be our president.

One of the best reads about after the election blues was written by Garrison Keillor, whom I've always loved reading and listening to.  Here he quotes what I feel:

"He will never be my president because he doesn't read books, can't write more than a sentence or two at a time, has no strong loyalties beyond himself, is more insular than any New Yorker I ever knew, and because I don't see anything admirable or honorable about him."

But for me and many others, life goes on.  I will make every effort to live in denial for the next four years, burying myself in interior decorating, keeping my three dogs brushed and trying to convince people to go vegan.  However, the glimpses of headlines don't escape even the most sincere person trying to live in political denial.  

What bothers me the most are the day to day experiences.  The headlines I can quickly skim  over and pretend I didn't see them.  But the other night I was at a Christmas party, I didn't know anyone except my husband.  Most of the people there were conservatives who probably voted for Trump. Inwardly I prayed politics wouldn't come up, but it did.....I bit my tongue, smiled and patiently didn't say a thing.  I was so good!  Then, a very white lady with hair that looked like a brown puff that encased her head like a rain cloud spoke up. She had been talking and laughing and having a good ole' time the whole night. She obviously knew everyone there and on top of seeming pretty confident with her own personality,  she won all the little Christmas games we played.  She was on  a role. I sat and smiled and asked the right questions you ask when you don't know people. The night was almost over, I felt triumphant that I held myself together and stayed carefully away from any topic that was controversial.   I was ready to go. Then I heard this woman, with the brown rain cloud of hair, across from me, say, "Yeah, Trump's wall that he's going to put to separate "Brown Town from Arizona."  

I was in total dismay.  It was clear that's what she said.  "Brown Town"....."Trump's Wall" .....and "Separate".  However it was "Brown Town" that shocked me. I was aghast!  I looked around, wide eyed and wondering in dismay if anyone else heard what I had heard. More importantly, what was their reaction.  Nothing.  All was as 'normal' as it had been all night.  Except of course for my reaction.  

My sweet little, politically correct smiling face probably turned a bright shade of green; sick and angry green.  I still didn't say a thing. I wanted to, but I think I was too stunned.  I turned and looked at the  woman next to me whom I hadn't said much to. I just looked her in the eyes...my eyes wide and wondering, hoping for some sort of consoling eye contact of non verbal assurance... but her eyes were emotionless, maybe even wondering why my look was desperate. I couldn't read her.  I just shook my head and turned and stared at this rude, in my opinion, racist, woman, with the brown, cloud puffy hair.  I stared daggers.  I wanted to say something but didn't want to embarrass my husband, so I just stared a stare that was as thick as smoke from a burning building.  I actually wanted to say something like, "What the hell did you just say???" I almost didn't care if I embarrassed him or not. 

I whispered in a not so low voice tone to my husband, "Did you just hear what that woman said?"  He replied that he didn't think it was the way it sounded. I disagreed. How can "Brown Town" mean anything else? Bitch!

Okay, so yet again, I digress. The whole point of this story is that this is what Trump's America looks like, sounds like.  Racism without shame.  Like getting totally naked in front of everyone and telling them to F---off...they'll do it if they want to...it's their right.  But the blatant racism that Trump has encouraged is actually worse than that.  Being naked is about only you. But baring your pure, unadulterated racism is what is happening now.  

The thing that is scarier than racism gone wild is his ignorance.  His ability to get us into a major war is very real. He spoke with Taiwan; something no president has done for over 40 years, with good reason. Of course this pissed China off.  I won't even touch the fact that this selfish narcissist with serious attention deficit disorder, will totally put our national security at risk.  

People who are okay with this porn advocate say that we shouldn't let politics divide us.  I say, "why not?"  People that enabled him to be president by either voting for him or doing a write in vote have morals and a basic value system so entirely different from mine that I don't see any point to continue to associate myself with them. And these same people have a difficult time quoting his own words of being a proud pussy grabber: "grab 'em by the pussy".  

About fifteen years ago I had a dream.  A real dream.  I dreamed that I was a fly on the wall in a small apartment. There were two men in the room. An Asian looking guy and an Middle Eastern looking guy. In the middle of this small, drab apartment was a little card table with a table cloth over it that reached the floor.  Suddenly there was a knock on the door. The Asian guy sort of panicked and motioned for the other guy to quickly get under the table. As the Asian guy opened the door there were police that stormed in looking all around. They had guns in their hands and didn't look like they knew much about mercy or grace.  They looked like they were passionately doing their job. They looked all around and then left.  I woke up and the thought went across my mind, "Would you hide a Muslim the way some hid Jews?"  This was fifteen years ago. I believe it was a God thing....a God dream. This was probably a prophetic dream about Trump's America.  I now wear a safety pin on all that wear to show that I am a safe place for all that Trump will try to oppress, for all that Trump will not defend.  

I am still very upset, very sad and I grieve.  I grieve for the great America that we're slowly turning into.  The white dream that we are a Christian nation is not true. I don't believe what I was once taught.  Christ did not teach what I learned in the '50's and '60's.  They were lies.  

Okay, rant done, sort of, for now.   I'll end with Dave singing what my heart feels.  I do hope you listen!

.  

Feeling nostalgic.  Listening to Dave Matthews "the Song that Jane Likes". Reminds me of my sister actually; Sherry Jane, Yeah, she's the baby. I remember when my mother  brought her home from the hospital.  My mother really did look like Marilyn Monroe.  She had that blonde hair, totally blonde hair, and this beautiful smile, and an incredible body. Even after delivering her fourth baby. It was a little '50's house.  I ran out to meet her.  She had Sherry all swaddled like the baby Jesus.  Mom had this big, huge smile on her face. She said something like, "Do you want to see her?"It was like she had this amazing treasure in her arms. And her smile could have lit up the very darkest night.  She  ever so gently pulled the little baby blanket from Sherry's face and revealed this tiny cherub. Mom with this huge smile, and me, in total awe of everything. A baby angel coming home, and mom smiling so happily.  I hadn't seen mom that happy ever.

Mom had four kids and was an amazing mother. I don't know if she really planned on four kids, or actually really wanted four kids. Personally, I think she could have been an over achieving business woman, but it was the 50's. She was a loving mother who was there for us as much as she could be.  And then she broke.  She just broke one day and went to the hospital.  We had a housekeeper who I felt didn't like me. I really, to this day, believe I was right.  But backing up, when mom started having issues, I was still playing Barbies. I was never into baby dolls..it was the Barbie, with her beautiful blonde pony tail and that waist so fucking tiny you could put a tiny little rubber band around it and it wouldn't break.  I would play Barbies alone most of the time.  But Sherry was my little Barbie.

Sherry turned out to be my doll. I loved playing with her. I loved looking at her strawberry blonde curls that framed her tiny white face and her delicately painted lips. She was a site to behold. We played forever it seems. I told her how to do things...how to brush her hair, how to talk, walk, everything. Then we were teens, I had a boyfriend, and that was it.

And now I'm in my 60's.  She is still my beautiful sister.  Sisters just go on and on.  I love her dearly and miss those innocent days. Listening to Dave tonight...I thought of Sherry...so my sweet little sister, this one's for you:

The Song That Jane Likes Lyrics

from Under The Table And Dreaming

 Under The Table And Dreaming Other Album Songs

---

And in plays to write the wire in
I'll come back again
Torching time talking rhymes in
I'll come back again

Would you like to play
With the thought of a friend
In a distant passing stage
While you lie around
With your hands up and out
So resigned you will fall down

While you around here play
Wild on the warm and far away
While you around here play
The days keep scribbling themselves
In tidy lines

Would you like to play
With a fool holding hands
With a one-eyed jack of spades

While on the deck they sing
All of the captain's cards are kings
Still he and the queen are lost at sea
I hope it isn't you and me

And I'll be back round again
Yes I'll walk in time with you old friend
And we'll find that place
That we had danced in so long ago

And in plays to write the wire in
I'll come back again
Torching time talking rhymes in
I'll come back again
With this resigned
The letter I sign

Read more: Dave Matthews Band - The Song That Jane Likes Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

The Divided States of America; He Is NOT My President!!

It's  Saturday night and my husband is going pub crawling with some friends. I'm totally fine with that. I've been working on making my ugly, dated bathroom bearable for my aesthetic mind.  I've been doing projects so that I won't think about  the world as I know it. Because I don't see anything familiar these days. Did I mention that after the election I left facebook? Yeah, I did.  I knew that if I stayed on, I'd become just like the people I couldn't stand. Weird though, how I still think in facebook posts.

The election?  Ahhhhh. the election!  Did it upset me?  That's putting it mildly...very mildly.  I went into a depression.  And as I did, people would post, on facebook, "Where's you faith?"  Where's my faith?  Well, it sure the hell isn't in the American public. It's no so much that I wanted Hillary to win, it's that I couldn't imagine an idiot such as Donald Trump and his weird lips to win. But he did and the cloud of doom rolled over me.  I am a liberal in so many ways....probably in every way.  I didn't ever think I would be. But the way the conservatives believe makes me think they want to truly live out their fantasy of being in a John Wayne movie. Apparently, Trump is their John Wayne.  He may not last and of course Pence will be moved up. I haven't read a lot about Pence, but what I've read and heard isn't good.  I've already heard that people who commit hate crimes are actually feeling comrade-re with Trump.

I went out just yesterday. It was the first day I actually went out after the election. I was waiting for someone to say, " How are you?"  In which I would have replied, "Ask me in four year."  But they didn't.  Maybe they know. Maybe they realize how divided we are.  The Divided States of America! That's what I'm calling it now, because it's true.

Meanwhile I'm off facebook and it's freeing.  It's been addicting; I've kept up with family and friends, but now, it's like, how can we ignore the elephant in the middle of the room?  How can we ignore the idiot who is supposed to be president of our country?  I know that I would post hateful things...so I have to use self discipline and not go there.

In the meantime I still think in facebook posts.  Odd how quickly we let something be so much a part of us.  I'm sad, I'm disillusioned, I'm frustrated, and I'm tired.  Dave says it all for me.  Again.

"Everybody Wake Up (Our Finest Hour Arrives)"

Everybody wake up
If your living with your eyes closed
See the man with a bomb in his hand
Everybody wake up

Oh baby it's not easy sometimes
They build these walls ever higher and hide behind them
Seems an odd way to try and make things right
Oh I feel like I go crazy sometimes

Our finest hour arrives
See the pig dressed in his finest fine
The believers stand behind him and smile
As the day lights up with fire

Everybody wake up
If your living with your eyes closed
See the man with a bomb in his hand
Everybody wake up

I Remember the words of the misguided fool
Do unto others as you'd have them do
Not an eye for an eye is the golden rule
Just leaves a room full of blind men

And the finest hour arrives
See the pig dressed in his finest fine
Don't believe him leave and stand behind him and smile
As the day lights up with fire

Everybody wake up [etc]....

Everybody wake up
if your living with your eyes closed
see the man with a bomb in his hand
Everybody wake up

The Divided States of America; He Is NOT My President!!

It's  Saturday night and my husband is going pub crawling with some friends. I'm totally fine with that. I've been working on making my ugly, dated bathroom bearable for my aesthetic mind.  I've been doing projects so that I won't think about the how the world as I know it, is now gone.  Did I mention that after the election I left facebook? Yeah, I did.  I knew that if I stayed on, I'd become just like the people I couldn't stand. Weird though, how I still think in facebook posts.

The election?  Ahhhhh. the election!  Did it upset me?  That's putting it mildly...very mildly.  I went into a depression.  And as I did, people would post, on facebook, "Where's you faith?"  Where's my faith?  Well, it sure the hell isn't in the American public. It's no so much that I wanted Hillary to win, it's that I couldn't imagine an idiot such as Donald Trump and his weird lips to win. But he did and the cloud of doom rolled over me.  I am a liberal in so many ways....probably in every way.  I didn't ever think I would be. But the way the conservatives believe makes me think they want to truly live out their fantasy of being in a John Wayne move. Apparently, Trump is their John Wayne.  He may not last and of course Pence will be moved up. I haven't read a lot about Pence, but what I've read and heard isn't good.  I've already heard that people who commit hate crimes are actually feeling comrade-re with Trump.

I've went out just yesterday. It was the first day I actually went out after the election. I was waiting for someone to say, " How are you?"  In which I would have replied, "Ask me in four year."  But they didn't.  Maybe they know. Maybe they realize how divided we are.  The Divided States of America! That's what I'm calling it now, because it's true.

Meanwhile I'm off facebook and it's freeing.  It's been addicting; I've kept up with family and friends, but now, it's like, how can we ignore the elephant in the middle of the room?  How can we ignore the idiot who is supposed to be president of our country?  I know that I would post hateful things...so I have to use self discipline and not go there.

In the meantime I still think in facebook posts.  Odd how quickly we let something be so much a part of us.  I'm sad, I'm disillusioned, I'm frustrated, and I'm tired.  Dave says it all for me.  Again.

"Everybody Wake Up (Our Finest Hour Arrives)"

Everybody wake up
If your living with your eyes closed
See the man with a bomb in his hand
Everybody wake up

Oh baby it's not easy sometimes
They build these walls ever higher and hide behind them
Seems an odd way to try and make things right
Oh I feel like I go crazy sometimes

Our finest hour arrives
See the pig dressed in his finest fine
The believers stand behind him and smile
As the day lights up with fire

Everybody wake up
If your living with your eyes closed
See the man with a bomb in his hand
Everybody wake up

I Remember the words of the misguided fool
Do unto others as you'd have them do
Not an eye for an eye is the golden rule
Just leaves a room full of blind men

And the finest hour arrives
See the pig dressed in his finest fine
Don't believe him leave and stand behind him and smile
As the day lights up with fire

Everybody wake up [etc]....

Everybody wake up
if your living with your eyes closed
see the man with a bomb in his hand
Everybody wake up

The Surreal Dumbing Down of America

I can't understand what is happening in America.  I am shocked and feel like someone very close to me has died.

I'm a Christian.  I really am and I really love Jesus as much as I can for not really meeting him in person. His teachings rang true with me when I first read them.  You know the ones: love others as you love YOURSELF...which means you have to love yourself before you can love others.  Then there's "love your enemy".  And no, it's not just pray for them. I had a woman say to me on facebook that she prays for muslim enemies that they might see Christ.  It sounded so condescending. As if she didn't want to actually put forth the effort to do something, like love her enemies, because that is so much harder than sticking to rules and regulations. We can't forget the "turn the other cheek" thing.  That's a really difficult one for me, but he said it, and he said it with passion. It made me believe him; that it was true, we needed to do that. What about "sell all you have, give to the poor and follow me"?  He said that.  A very difficult concept for us as Americans.

This election has brought out the truth in people.







 It shows them for who they really are. It's not pretty. Don't worry, I'm including myself. I was praying about it all and the thought that was pervasive was, "What can you learn about love in this?"  Uhhhh, my answer?  I am lacking, that's for sure. But now that there is a real possibility that Trump will be president I read "Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God." Roms 13:1 And I quote that before the tallies are done.... God only knows who our next president will be and I'm trusting Him; for better or worse...."

Really?  I didn't see that when Pres. Obama was in.  It angers me that there is such a double standard.  I probably should quit now.  This election has divided. Or shall I say, this election has triggered what people really feel about one another, it has triggered what people really believe is important.  Me included.



And now it's the day after.  I am sickened.  I am dishearten.  I am fearful for my grandkids.  But we all know that every great empire has fallen.  I guess it's our turn.  

One thing I've learned about myself. I'm not as enlightened as I thought I am in regards to "moving towards love".  I actually have no energy to move towards anything this morning.  It's all so surreal.  




Someone wrote in response to these picutres of the new first lady, "I would take her over Moochelle any day"


I hope the conservatives are happy.  They have officially dumbed down America.  This man (using the term loosely) is a horrible example of what a kid should grow up to be.  I've never felt this distraught over politics in my life; over the future of our country.  Those who didn't like George Bush....Trump will make him look like a savior. 

He stands for everything I do not believe in.   America's new first lady:

God's Plan for Our Lives, Trump Supporters, Hillary Supporters and Animal Sacrifice (Not to Mention Personal Relationships.)

At church today I heard a great message.  Great for me anyway. It spoke to me on so many levels.  It was based on this scripture:

Jeremiah 29:11-14New International Version (NIV)

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Firstly the pastor defined a plan as a step by step process to get to a goal. 

 Then he continued talking about "the plan of God in our lives."  My mind immediately started wondering what the goal is then.  What is the goal in my life that God supposedly has for me?????  In the past, when I was young and newly in love with God, the idea of God and God's son Jesus, I was very open and vulnerable and soaked up everything that was said in church.  Very slowly my mind turned to trying to figure out how I could live a good life, please God and do what I believed God wanted me to do. And of course all of this was defined in my mind by what I was told.  All the confusing scriptures, like animal sacrifice, women being stoned, and hundred upon hundreds of laws in the book of Leviticus were neatly explained away in doctrinal sermons, and bible school dogma. 

So what IS God's will, God's goal for our lives? I've come to believe it is to love and be loved.  Sounds easy?  HA!  Not so much!  

If I'm correct about the "will of God", then what about the plan? Wellll..the plan is about the situations in our lives and how they will lead us to that goal.. It's about what happens and how we process those day to day situations. It's about how we put them together to reach the goal of loving and being loved.  Firstly it's huge that we need to love ourselves. But that's a whole 'nother blog.  (If we can't love ourselves we'll have a difficult time loving others.  At best, we'll keep them at bay.)

Loving others is tricky too.  The Trump supporters, the Hillary supporters, the terrorists.  

The list goes on.  I've heard more than one person talk about how the political climate is getting them down.  I certainly won't exclude myself from that either.  It's disheartening on the division and hatefulness that's been happening. It almost makes me believe, assuming there is a devil, that he has  us all under his thumb.  

But I digress.

I also had a great talk with my sister today. 

I'd had enough.  A little drama in my own life and I could see myself slipping back into that person who carried the shield of anger proudly; defending myself with "justified" resentment,  whether outwardly or deep in my soul. 

My sister's desire for love and peace seems to be an amazing gift.  Her insight into ego and perspective on how to view difficult situations never cease to amaze me. 

And when she started talking about what a master Jesus was with his own thoughts and perspectives it was like a light went on....bam!  Oh yeah, I get it. She gave me so many words for thought, and believe me, I'll be metaphorically chewing on them for a long time to come.  

I don't think God, or Jesus or the Holy Spirit ever took joy in us killing animals. 

The whole idea of it makes me sick.  And I don't think God took joy in seeing Jesus being tortured and killed either.  None of the horrible things in the bible were things that God wanted to happen. As the pastor said today, plans change.  Plans change based on our decisions and what we do.  The plan in the very beginning is that we would all live peacefully and perfectly in paradise where we ate fruits and berries all day. No blood shed, animals were happy and we were all vegan. Blood shed is the result of a human decision according to my Christian belief. God is not a sadist.

 Again, I digress. 

I'm still a little discouraged in some personal relationships and of course in the big American picture too.  

But it only has caused me to realize that the journey is not over, the plan is still active.  

The last song in church today had me in tears. The goal of the plan of life is to get to a point where we can love and be loved. I'm convinced. It's difficult.  But the words to this song give me hope. 

"Good Good Father"
(Written by Pat Barrett and Tony Brown)

 I've heard a thousand stories of what they think you're like
But I've heard the tender whispers of love in the dead of night
And you tell me that you're pleased
And that I'm never alone

You're a Good, Good Father
It's who you are,
And I'm loved by you
It's who I am,
 I've seen many searching for answers far and wide
But I know we're all searching
For answers only you provide
'Cause you know just what we need
Before we say a word


You are perfect in all of your ways to us

It's love so undeniable
I, I can hardly speak
Peace so unexplainable
 I can hardly think

As you call me deeper still
Into love.

thoughts and words from the heart

People can be misunderstood on so many levels.




Next time you think you have someone figured out...or you find yourself making some sort of judgement..think twice.  That person is just like you. Same feelings, at one time or another, the same thoughts. That person has the same insecurities, annoyances, and loves.  



Thoughts and words from my heart spill out of  my head, out of my mouth, like spitting water when I swim.  Inspirations flash in my head.  And they're just feelings.  Just?

If I could live more than one life, maybe I'd learn to be a better person. Maybe I would be wise like God.  Maybe I would love like God.  I know I'd try.  I'm trying now, but it seems like I'm spinning my wheels.



It's time to sleep and maybe have a good dream tonight.







 But it's time to sleep.  Tomorrow I'll wake and start all over again.  I'm not sure how I'll still try, but I will, I'll still try to love you well.





 And when I wake, thoughts and words from the heart will once again be reigned in and controlled. Taken care of so as not to cause questions, and God knows, no misunderstandings.


Loves from the past; friends smile in my mind.  They come and go. Some stay. Some cut like crazy, some make me happy and love me more than I love them.  That's a good kind. It's light and makes me know I'm okay; when he loves me more than I love him. My grandmother always told me to find someone who loves me a little more than I love him. She was so damn right.



"

"Two Step"

Hey, my love, I came to you with
best intentions
You laid down and gave to me just
what I'm seeking
Love , you drive me to distraction

Hey my love do you believe that we
might last a thousand years
Or more if not for this,
our flesh and blood
It ties you and me right up
Tie me down

Celebrate we will
Because life is short but sweet for 
certain
We're climbing two by two
To be sure these days continue
These things we cannot change

Hey , my love, you came to me like
wine comes to this mouth
Grown tired of water all the time 
You quench my heart and you 
quench my mind

Happy Birthday Ian!

Thirty five years ago I finally had what I always wanted, a boy.  A beautiful baby boy, with long black hair, thick eyelashes,  beautiful intense eyes, and a will of iron.



That boy, who is now a man, has brought so much joy into my life words can't begin to say.  But a mother's heart is connected with her children's hearts.  What he felt I felt.  I knew my boy.

He was quiet but he was an observer. He watched everything; considered everything, thought about it all. I could see the cogs in his little brain turning over and over.






He would sit on the porch swing with me at night, quietly as we watched the cars go by.  As he grew, he would build cities in his room, or be the little student for his teacher sister.

My boy was strong willed to say the least. And his heart was gold.  His will was strong, stronger than mine, I just had to try and lead him in the right direction. so that his love of life didn't grow dark.



All these years later he is a man, a good man, with a wife, and perhaps someday, a son or a daughter.  I'm proud of what he has become.





He has gone to school, lived on his own, sewn his oats, traveled the world and participated in much life has to offer more than some people ever will.   I am grateful.




I do hope this new year of his life will bring more life discoveries that will continue to form his strong, loving, gentle but strong character.  But I also hope he continues to keep that young spirit he has always fostered.  I love you Ian! Happy birthday!

May the good Lord be with you
Down every road you roam
And may sunshine and happiness
surround you when you're far from home
And may you grow to be proud
Dignified and true
And do unto others
As you'd have done to you
Be courageous and be brave
And in my heart you'll always stay
Forever Young, Forever Young
Forever Young, Forever Young

May good fortune be with you
May your guiding light be strong
Build a stairway to heaven
with a prince or a vagabond

And may you never love in vain
and in my heart you will remain
Forever Young, Forever Young
Forever Young, Forever Young
Forever Young
Forever Young

And when you finally fly away
I'll be hoping that I served you well
For all the wisdom of a lifetime
No one can ever tell

But whatever road you choose
I'm right behind you, win or lose
Forever Young, Forever Young
Forever Young ,Forever Young
Forever Young, Forever Young
For, Forever Young, Forever Young

Chruch and the Matrix

Today our pastor spoke about opposition. Specifically he spoke about enemies; enemies of your soul. Whether you choose to believe in a devil or satan or anything else evil related, I believe it.  How could I not? All I have to do is read the news and I know something is terribly wrong.

When he asked us to think who are enemy is, the first person that came to mind was myself, the second, Donald Trump.  

Then Allen, our pastor, played this clip:

As Allen so clearly stated, the movie the Matrix is a metaphor of spiritual realities.  Take the blue pill (of apathy?  of not thinking for yourself and questioning?)and you wake up in your own bed, life goes on. Take the red pill and you see what's really going on. 




Years ago, I chose the red pill. But lately, I need to take it again, and again.  





I see that enemies aren't really "flesh and blood".  It's much deeper.  There is a source that I believe could care less about me, or you, but only about God, who IS love. I believe that 'source' is God's enemy.   My chosen belief tells me that this enemy of God wants to destroy love, and instead, put control in it's place. And this enemy really doesn't want you to believe he is real. 



"Have you ever had a dream Neo, that you were so sure it was real? What if you were unable to wake up from that dream?" The Matrix



This life is so thought provoking.  When I was raising kids my life was taken up with trying to do the best I could.  It was so busy. Now, I have more time to think, to ponder. Sort of like when I was younger, before I was married.  When I was looking for the meaning of life.  

"Unfortunately no one can tell you what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself." 

 

I wish you could have been there and soaked up the message. It was powerful and truly opened my sleepy eyes yet again.  (Thanks Allen!)

Church and The Matrix (thanks Allen)

Today our pastor spoke about opposition. Specifically he spoke about enemies; enemies of your soul. Whether you choose to believe in a devil or satan or anything else evil related, I believe it.  How could I not? All I have to do is read the news and I know something is terribly wrong.

When he asked us to think who are enemy is, the first person that came to mind was myself, the second, Donald Trump.  

Then Allen, our pastor, played this clip:



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As Allen so clearly stated, the movie the Matrix is a metaphor of spiritual realities.  Take the blue pill (of apathy?  of not thinking for yourself and questioning?)and you wake up in your own bed, life goes on. Take the red pill and you see what's really going on. 




Years ago, I chose the red pill. But lately, I need to take it again, and again.  





I see that enemies aren't really "flesh and blood".  It's much deeper.  There is a source that I believe could care less about me, or you, but only about God, who IS love.  (Not has love, gives love, but IS love.)  My chosen belief tells me that there is an enemy of God, who wants to destroy love, and instead, put control in it's place. And this enemy really doesn't want you to believe he is real. 



"Have you ever had a dream Neo, that you were so sure it was real? What if you were unable to wake up from that dream?" The Matrix



This life is so thought provoking.  When I was raising kids my life was taken up with trying to do the best I could.  It was so busy. Now, I have more time to think, to ponder. Sort of like when I was younger, before I was married.  When I was looking for the meaning of life.  

"Unfortunately no one can tell you what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself." 

 

I wish you could have been there and soaked up the message. It was powerful and truly opened my sleepy eyes yet again.  (Thanks Allen!)

Two Step of Life With No One Other Than My Love

Tomorrow is my husband and my 40th anniversary. It's truly crazy to think we have been together for so long.  We have been together longer than we haven't.







Forty years ago, I left my country to marry a guy who I had only known for six months...and then had to leave him for another six months.  I had been in love before, but this was the only time I knew, without a shadow of a doubt that this man loved me; maybe even a tiny bit more than I loved him.  I say man, but looking back we were both kids.  He married me when he was only twenty two.  Geeeesh!





There were so many reasons why I fell for him and I fell hard.  He was more of what I believed to be a real man than any other guy I had ever known.  He was incredibly attractive, a gentleman and a mysterious foreigner.




  



The years are more like chapters in a book and time is blurred and abstract.



It's often that we sit together with a drink on a Friday night and have long, deep conversations about the world, our lives, our loves, tragedies in the news, faith, lack of faith and life in general.  He's one of the most knowledgeable people I know.  He does his homework and although he is a true liberal, he has facts that are above and beyond a lot of people who try to prove a political point. He doesn't form his opinions without contemplating both sides. In any case, that's often what we do.  Just talk.  I disagree with him at times, but one thing is for sure; he has taught me to consider situations I wouldn't have normally thought about or questioned. Because of who he is and how he forms his ideas, it causes me to think deeper and more critically before I form an opinion.  He has taught me some stories aren't what they appear to be, but a lot more complicated.






At this time of our lives, I think we are happier than we have ever been. We're both comfortable in our own skin and that has contributed to a quality relationship of affection, respect and love.   It has caused us to be more tolerant of others and each other when we disagree.  I admire him...I still think he's one of the hottest men around and I sincerely can't imagine my life without him.  He has made me a better woman on so many levels and to that I will always be grateful.

Bad times?  Uhhhhh....need I say more?  Yes, we have had some times where we both had to look deep into our own souls for answers to the more difficult questions.  Because of that I believe we love  and live our relationship to the fullest.  We haven't just settled.  We have stayed together because we genuinely love one another and want to live the rest of our days together.  

Happy 40th Babe....here's to us!





"Two Step"

Hey, my love, I came to you with
best intentions
You laid down and gave to me just
what I'm seeking
Love , you drive me to distraction

Hey my love do you believe that we
might last a thousand years
Or more if not for this,
our flesh and blood
It ties you and me right up
Tie me down

Celebrate we will
Because life is short but sweet for
certain
We're climbing two by two
To be sure these days continue
These things we cannot change

Hey , my love, your can to me like
wine comes to this mouth
Grown tired of water all the time
You quench my heart and you
quench my mind

Celebrate we will
Because life is short but
sweet for certain
We''re climbing two by two
To be sure these days continue
The things we cannot

Celebrate , you and me ,climbing
two by two ,to be sure
these days continue , these things we
cannot change

Oh , my love I came to you
with best intentions
You laid down down and gave to me
just what I'm seeking

Celebrate we will
Because life is short
But sweet for certain
We're climbing two by two
to be sure these days continue
Things we cannot change...
Things we cannot change