I Did Something Bad???

 My tolerance level is pretty low right now. Maybe it's the anger that always comforts me when I'm sad. (It really does help.) The reason is most likely caused by a conglomeration of grief, sadness, disappointment, and finally extreme apathy. Sometimes, if I'm lucky, apathy leaves, and anger takes its place. At least there's passion when that happens.

The other day Elliot, my beautiful boy dog, went on a couple of errands with me. The final stop was the hardware store. I couldn't find what I went there for,  so a great employee was doing his best to help me. As he was up on the highest ladder, some old guy, maybe in his early 80's,  came shuffling down the isle, slumped over his cart, not looking up. He sauntered to where I was standing and I realized I was in his way, so,  I moved.

Now, understand this, I'm usually a very nice person. (Definition of nice: adjective... pleasing and agreeable in nature...exhibiting courtesy or politeness) But when this happened, I turned not nice at all, not in the slightest. 

So, "this" is what turned me into the person that was lurking in the deepest part of my soul, waiting to be free:

The slumped man who didn't look up the whole time, apparently couldn't find what he was looking for. He again, shuffled down the isle, turned around, and made his way back towards us. He began looking on the other side, where I had moved after realizing I was in his way. I looked down at Elliot, who always waits patiently, and said, "Looks like we need to get out of the way again." 

Understand that he didn't ever say "excuse me", or "can I get by". However, he mumbled in a very white, old man voice, "Get out of the damn way lady."

Seriously? I was actually shocked. I immediately, without thinking,  said in a loud, but not yelling way, "FUCK YOU! WHAT AN ASSHOLE!" 

He was turning the corner by then, but I made sure he heard me as he continued his search .

WOW, it felt so good! I finally, really, said something that I usually lay on my bed at night thinking about what I should have said. But this time I did it! No more 'should haves...And it felt so right!!!

"They say I did something bad, then why's it feel so good.    Most fun I've ever had and I'd do it over and over and over  again if I could. It just felt so good, good!" Taylor Swift lyrics

 

"I'm mixing up a bunch of magic stuff

A magic mushroom cloud of care

A potion that will rock the boat will rock

Make a bomb of love and blow it up

I did it

Do you think I've gone too far

I did it

Guilty as charged

I did it

It was me right or wrong

I did it Yeah

I never did a single thing to change the ugly ways of the world

I didn't know it felt so right inside

I didn't know at all

Open up the curtains I heard sirens there the lights flash and crawl

I did it justice I just did it for us all

It's a nickel or a dime for what I've done

The truth is that I don't really care

For such a lovely crime I'll do the time

You better lock me up I'll do it again" Dave Matthews lyrics