Frankly, the year of The Pandemic was easier than 2024. This year was like the end of a fire when there's nothing but embers and ashes. Always a slight chance that the once bright blaze will be revived to its beautiful beginning. But instead it just fizzles out and turns into dusty, grey cinders. Every time !!!
That's 2024's metaphorical life. All year long!
They say there's a child living deep inside each of us. I used to think how silly that idea was. I used to laugh and make jokes about it. Be careful what you make fun of, it will bite you in the ass with its truth!!!
I discovered my own inner child years ago during a counseling session. She was alive and well living out all ages in the center of my soul; wanting attention.
It's Christmas again. Lights, ribbons, trees, garland, and candles shining brightly. It has always been my most favorite time of the year. For reasons a little too numerous to mention, the excitement has faded.
My year started out, as many of my readers know, with a diagnosis of Chronic Lymphocytic Luekemia. (It's not as bad as it sounds!) And then the domino effect of the deaths of my two beloved Australian Shepherds four weeks apart. That was the first two months.
However, this was the big year for our country, an election year. The race began slowly and painfully until July 21st. Biden stepped out and escorted Harris into the competition. Kamala Harris was running for president, a black woman filled with joy, confidence, and hope for a kinder America! Stars of silver and gold, twinkling brightly as a sign of hope.
It was so exciting watching an intelligent woman run for president of, what I thought, a great country. The debate with her opponent, an offensive, old, white man, showed she had grace and wisdom the minute she walked towards him and extended her hand. The handshake is a symbol of expressing one's intention of peace. He was hesitant. He isn't about peace. But he won the election.
Harris's opponent winning the election was a type of death for me as well. Coming to terms with the fact that the majority of citizens in my country are stupid enough to vote for someone who tells them that immigrants are eating their pets, was a hard pill to swallow. (When in fact a white girl, born and raised in the United States actually did kill and eat a cat. An American citizen!!!)
Another ember in my metaphorical fire abruptly went out. I decided not to watch the news as I looked at homes for sale in England. It helped divert my attention to hope for the future in my own little world.
Thanksgiving! The introduction of the "most wonderful time of the year". My loving daughter has hosted this holiday at her beautiful home the last couple of years. The night before the festivities, I went to her house and helped begin the season with garland and lights I arrived early Thanksgiving day, to work on the finishing touches. Doing those little things gives me joy.
We all had a great afternoon, and as evening came, people gathered round the outside fire to chat and play fireside word games. Fortunately, I was relieved when we didn't do the tradition of going person to person saying what we were thankful for. The only thing I could have honestly expressed was, being grateful the year was coming to an end. I don't think anyone wanted to hear my negative attitude.
After warm moments with family, we headed home. When we walked in, we immediately saw that Tasha, our oldest four legged family member for thirteen years, was rapidly decling. It was painful to watch. She died two days later.
Here, I have to note, there were actually two good things that came from 2024; the adoption/rescue of our two beautiful boys, Enzo and Elliot. They really did fit the cliche' of "they rescued me".
Christmas is twelve days away. My deep nostalgia has already come forth with memories of celebrating at my grams and gramps house, long strings of silver tinsel hanging from our freshly cut tree adorned in colored lights, with the grand finale of a huge dinner prepared by my Gramma and Mimmy, my great grandmother. I have to mention my grandmother's teasured, silver, aluminum Christmas tree with a circular colored spotlight rotating and reflecting on it, was a thing to behold! Very retro now!
Memories slide through my mind like images on an old movie projector. Another home appears, hazy at first, but focusing in, I see a teenager, sixteen, and it's my parents house, Christmases at my grandparents long gone. But Christmas Eve, at mom and dad's, even better. I'm with my boyfriend, we're all opening presents, and a table of meats, cheeses, breads, chips, cookies and candies beautifully laid out for us to help ourselves. Later, it would be my boyfriend and me heading out for midnight mass.
The images slide on to visions of my siblings and me as adults with our own families. My mother's Christmas Eve lived on!
When dad died, everything changed. A few more Christmases at mom's and then she too, was no more.
My husband, our kids and myself moved further away from my childhood home and I carried on the Christmas Eve tradition for about fifteen more years. Last year I knew I was done. So, 2024, there will need to be a new tradition for my husband and myself. Our kids have growing families and in laws to think about.
This long blog is coming to an end. I hope you've read this far; even more so, I hope you've enjoyed sharing memories with me.
Through all of this, the years have stolen my idealism, and my hope in humanity. This year especially, I've had more thoughts on the line of what if....about my long held faith in God.
A friend of mine sent me a video out of the blue this morning. It inspired this blog. A video of Greg Lake and Ian Anderson (Jethro Tull) singing 'I Believe in Father Christmas'. If you don't have a listen, please read the lyrics:
"They said there'll be snow at Christmas
They said there'll be peace on Earth
But instead it just kept on raining
A veil of tears for the Virgin's birth
I remember one Christmas morning
A winters light and a distant choir
And the peal of a bell and that Christmas tree smell
And their eyes full of tinsel and fire
They sold me a dream of Christmas
They sold me a Silent Night
And they told me a fairy story
'Till I believed in the Israelite
And I believed in Father Christmas
And I looked to the sky with excited eyes
'Till I woke with a yawn in the first light of dawn
And I saw him and through his disguise
I wish you a hopeful Christmas
I wish you a brave new year
All anguish, pain and sadness
Leave your heart and let your road be clear
They said there'll be snow at Christmas
They said there'll be peace on Earth
Hallelujah, Noel, be it Heaven or Hell,
The Christmas we get we deserve. Greg Lake lyrics
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