The Dog Days Are Over

Alrighty then...tomorrow is my 61st birthday. 


 There, I've said it.  What the hell happened??? Yesterday I was in my twenties and the world had no end as I know it.  Now?  Well, its a whole different story.




 I am, indeed, blessed. (blessed - highly favored or fortunate) Without getting religious, I know that God, through Christ (whom I have accepted as my God.....1. the one Supreme Being, the creator and ruler of the universe) has given me more than I possibly deserve.  I am, indeed, favored by this God of mine.  I feel that, I see that. 



 Not that I haven't had my bit of hell either.  Believe me, I can imagine what hell might be like from I have experienced in my own self.  Hitting rock bottom was something I never thought would happen, something I never thought I would actually be thankful for, but it did and I am.  My little sister Sherry went through a similar hell. Hers, I am sure, was much more intense. 





 But she once said to me something to the effect that all she went through was a type of gift and she wouldn't change a thing. Before I actually went through my own hell, I thought she was crazy and I sure didn't want anything even close to her experience. Anyway, not to ramble, I am thankful for all that I have lived through; the good, the bad and the ugly.  I have seen the good prevail.  I have seen love as the "final frontier".  


My marriage:  FINALLY we have learned how to live together and love each other unconditionally.  I have such peace and I am happier in this relationship than I ever have been.  We have been married for thirty six years.  We never really had examples of how to live together on a day to day basis.  We have always had incredible "spark", incredible passion, we just didn't know what to do in between those intense emotions.  FINALLY we have learned.  It was nothing short of a miracle. 
 


My relationship with myself:  I remember a long time ago; it had to have been at least twenty years ago, I was lying on my living room couch and out of the blue..for no apparent reason..I said, "I am lost."  It surprised even me.  My husband asked me what I said and I was embarrassed that I even uttered such a thing. I'm not sure if I even replied.  But in retrospect   I see now that I was lost.  I lost myself to life, to the everyday things of being a mother, a wife and a part of society.  I didn't know who I was, what I was, or what I even liked.  However, I didn't give it that much thought then, but over the course of ten or more years, realized what that moment meant.

Now?  My relationship with myself is good.  With much counseling by one of the wisest, and gifted, women I know...(Mary Tyler)  I have learned to be my own best friend. There was time when many people thought I was being selfish, and I probably was, but I needed to be in order to love myself.  Even Jesus said that we must love others as we love ourselves. If we don't love ourselves we cannot love others. 


My thoughts on love: It never dies.  I have loved people, obviously, in my sixty one years, and I have found that it just doesn't stop when the relationship is over.  I still love those people...friends and lovers alike, I still love them.  Love really is forever, as imperfect as we love in this life, it goes on.  I believe the opposite of love is apathy, not hate. 



Family:  Wow...I have a "colorful family". Once, when I was showing a video of my family to my students, the speech teacher, and also a friend, came in to watch.  And that is what she said about my family and I think it is so fitting.  I am blessed that I had the mother I had, the father I had, the fabulous brother I have, and the wonderful two sisters that I have.  But also my children; they are my heart and my joy. 




 My beautiful daughter has been my joy and my the song of my life. For some reason, when I think of her, I think of accomplishment and yes, stability, not to mention beauty.   When I think of her I ache with this love that is like no other. I'm sure other mothers know exactly what I'm talking about.





 My handsome, wild son is a lot like me, thus I worry more about him than my daughter.  I was wild and would try anything, even though I would be afraid, there was this thing in my that would tell me to do it anyway, to experience it.  Sometimes that's a good thing, sometimes not so much.  In any case, he is NOT me and I need to remember that.  He is my heart.  I feel it aching outside of my body for him.  He is amazing, talented and wild...I like that about him.  


My sisters:  I have to preface this first:  I have an adopted sister, not by my parents, but by me.  You know sometimes that's the best kind.  Michael Ann is that sister. She came into my life about twenty years ago.  Little did I know how her love for me would see me through my rock bottom times.  She would laugh exactly when I need laughter...She would laugh when most others would think I was probably beyond repair.  She would laugh at such a perfect time that she made the term "comic relief" real.  I hope she will realize how grateful I am to her for love.  




Debbie:  wow...we laugh a lot together.  I love to laugh.  But she also understands that vain, materialistic side of me the loves to be pretty, that loves to be thin.  No one else can understand that about me.  I so appreciate her love for me, and it's not just that...She has my back.  She truly has my back.  I love her and am soooo fortunate to have her.



Sherry: my little sister with the huge intuitive spirit.  She is almost too smart for her own good.  She was the youngest sister and yet she was brilliant.  She used that intelligence, (and still does) to change the world.  If ever I have to talk, if ever I need someone to understand the odd spiritual experience that I have had, she does.




Clyde:  My brother.  He, other than my husband, is my main man.  When I was separated from my husband I would call him when I need that male influence in my life. I am grateful to him.


Last but not least, my non human family...All the animals in my life have been ingrained into my soul.  If I could write a book, then that would be the fair amount of space for how much love these four legged friends have infused in my little life. 


SOOOOOOOOOOO...tomorrow, sixty one years ago, my mother brought me into this world.  I don't know whether to thank her or curse her....JUST KIDDING>...So far, it's been a crazy ride....
Now?  Here's what sums my life up now.....Perfectly!

Is the best yet to come?  No, the best is in this moment, right now.  

Love to you all.