Let me fill you in on this student: First of all, I was working at a site that wasn't even mine. I was just filling in. So I've only been with this student maybe three days at the most. He is very, very guarded, and very, very quiet.
The wall he has put around himself is almost physically tangible. Mostly he always has head phones on and when I call his name it usually takes about three times for him to actually hear me. \
He sags, he constantly watches and listens to videos about right wing conspiracy theories, and his interactions with his own mother are not the most affectionate I've seen. She usually just rolls her eyes. It's almost as if he wants to sabotage anything and everything that might be good in his life. His education right now is the last chance option. By the way, I love this kind of student. Give me the most challenging and I'm happy. Did I mention that he sags?
That is probably the most annoying thing to me as far as physical appearance and style. UG! I do not want to see cracks or underwear...Please spare me that. When I told him to pull up his pants, he acted offended. When I asked if he knew where sagging originated, he said he knew...He said "rape in jail". I tried to correct him and tell him it was because they take belts in jail. He corrected me and told me he knew better because his father was in prison and told him the truth about sagging.
In any case, sagging in itself is a statement that needs to be heard if one wants to help the world be a better place.
So, here I am, looking forward to my 5:15 kick ass gym class that helps me stay in shape just to do my job here in life, and slowly I realize it just might not happen tonight.
I take it in stride, however, I pay a lot of money, and these workouts are very effective, and well...I love going. This student's mother is usually at the site to pick him up by 2. Today, at 3:30 I knew something was up. So did he. I also knew he hadn't had lunch, that's why I suggested that he take a couple of dollars (of mine) and go to the vending machine. He looked sort of surprised that I offered, but declined graciously. My student tried calling mom again and again, there was no answer. Finally at a little after 4, (The site is supposed to be closed at 4.) we called his father, the emergency number in his file. That was a little better, yet by now I knew I would be there long after my work out class was to start.
At a little after 5 we got a call that he would have a ride soon and we were to wait outside. We had to leave our roomanyway as there were others who needed it at that time. I walked out to the front of the building with him to wait for his ride. With much apprehension I decided to try again to pursue a conversation, even though I knew it would take a concentrated effort on my part.
Making a very long story short, we got to the dirt right away.
You know; how crappy the world is, it's getting worse, there is a lot of evil out there, and we need to be prepared for the worst. No, this wasn't from me, it was from this young student who shouldn't be worried about things of this proportion.
I looked at his young face and saw such bitterness and worry. His facade of skepticism was strong and had helped build his powerful wall of isolation. He didn't really like music, he didn't really have a hobby except for reading, and he likes Jesse Ventura and conspiracy theories.
Yeah, great thing for a kid to spend time with. I told him yesterday when I saw him looking at conspiracy theories online that he needs to take it with a grain of salt and not be brainwashed. He is a believer and doesn't doubt. He doesn't doubt the negative.
Okay, I need to cut this short, but what happened as we were waiting outside the building was a God moment in my life.
I encouraged him to move towards love.
I encouraged him by telling him that it's easy to be negative, but only the strong and courageous believe the best about people.
I encouraged him by telling him faith gives hope.
I encouraged him by telling him why I admire and have researched Jesus. I encouraged him by telling him Jesus believed the best about all people even though they tortured him and killed him.
I encouraged him by telling him how sensitive and intelligent he is and yet I see bitterness.
When I told him that he seemed bitter, he looked at me almost with gratefulness that I had his number.
He admitted he was bitter. We continued to talk and I continued to encourage him to stay open to love and yes, pain. I told him I was an "old" lady and have been through hell, but have come out on the side of love. And that its' worth the pain.
He looked me in the eyes more than a few times. Something he doesn't do to me or others. When his ride showed up HE came to ME and hugged me.
I don't have words to tell you what that meant to me. I don't have words to tell you what HE did for ME. He reminded me that I have purpose.
All the way home I felt high.
I felt high with love and life and purpose. I know that conversation will be remembered. I know that he will remember. And just as we talked about the power of choice, it's up to him to move towards love, and possible be disappointed, but in the long run, know that it's worth it. Most of the way home I prayed for his sweet heart.
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