Dear Mom,

So, yesterday I had the oddest thing happen. (However, when I think of it, maybe it wasn't so odd.) I was sitting outside enjoying yet another beautiful day here in Phoenix, and I thought to myself, only for a split second, "I need to get something for mom, Mother's Day is Sunday".  I admit though, the thought didn't even get to the word "something".  But if the thought were to run to completion, that's what it would have been. Maybe it was more like a feeling than a thought.  To put it simply, it was like you were still here, still alive,  in this world,  and I would call you, and of course, you would answer, and I would say something like, "Hi mom, happy Mother's Day!"  Weird huh?  I guess the older I get the more odd  feelings like that happen.


I mean it's normal to think more of you on days like Mother's Day and your birthday and the anniversary of your death.  Geeeez, I can't believe you've been gone so damn long.  It's so long.  Yet it seems like yesterday that you were here.  It also seems like you're here now,




like you know who your adorable great-grand daughter is,





and of course your all boy great- grand sons are.







 If it weren't for you, we, wouldn't be here, wouldn't be who we, are.









For sure, I wouldn't be who I am.

You know I've always said that you taught me more about love than any other human being.  Yesterday at our staff meeting we had this little presentation on active listening.  I can say for sure, and always have, that you listened to me. I know you remember when we would sit in the living room on Saxony and you would just sit and listen to me talk about my favorite songs and their lyrics.  You just sat there, looked at me, and truly listened.  Of course I don't remember anything you said because I was the one going on and on about what I loved.


But there were times when it was me who actively listened to you. I remember you telling me about your boyfriends.  I loved that. I loved getting a little glimpse into who you were before you were a wife and mother. When you were just you, Mary Jane Townsend.





I think you must have been the bomb.  Truly!  You were just a pistol.   Grandma told me about how when she would want to swat your bottom when you were a little girl, she would have to chase you around the dining room table.  And when it was your turn to do the dishes, you would go and hide until you would hear the silver ware clanking; you knew the job was done and you could come out of hiding and play, free of work.

I listened when you told me that grandpa would sit in the dark when you came home from dates.  And you knew he was there because you could see the light from his cigarette in the window.  I listened when you told me about a boy you really loved, and when he wanted to marry you, how his  Protestant mother said he she would disown him if he did because you were Catholic. Even when I was young, I thought, "What a woos...I'm glad she didn't marry that little momma's boy."  Ha! Instead you married a Jewish guy whose mother wouldn't come to the wedding because he married a non Jew.  Hmmmmm...history seems to repeat itself in our family.  At least Dad stood up to his family and married you anyway.  How could he not? He knew what he had and he knew how classy, beautiful and intelligent you were.


Anyway, it's Mother's Day, not Valentine's Day, again I digress.  I think I just wanted to say to you that yes, you were a pretty good mother who taught me unconditional love, but I also see you as a person, apart from me, apart from Dad.  And I see an amazing, feisty woman with creativity that didn't belong in the suburbs.  (But, it was in the 40's and 50's, the suburbs is where it was happening.)


I also know that you still see us, our family. At least that's what I choose to believe.  For some reason I think you see Maya especially.  Last night at the talent show she was in, I felt you were looking on at her, at your grand-daughter and at me.




I miss you mom...but c'est la vie.  Thank you for having me and being there for me always, I mean always.  And thanks so much for giving me that special song when you died.  I love you and always will.......

Pegala