When Euthanasia Comes Home (Saying Good-Bye to Murray)

Murray has been a close friend of mine for almost 16 years.  We found Murray in a shelter, huddled in a back room , scared as could be.  We, of course, loved his sweet face and knew he was the one for us and Mike, our other dog. We were so right!  Murray has been the most gentle spirit I have ever known, ask any family member of mine, it's true.

Isn't he pretty?  Lately, however, he's been feeling bad, really bad.  He already had severe arthritis in his back legs, and now his front legs are just tired from bearing all the weight.  He has been panting, "woofing" at night, (yes, the sound is a deep, gutteral 'woof') and if he is not pumped up on pain meds and buffered asprin all the time, he would be helplessly in pain.  I've had to make the most difficult decision I've ever had to make, euthanize him.  God, just saying it is tramatic. It is SO like playing God.  I don't want that job. 
Unfortunately, I have it. 

Right now, looking over at him he seems okay, but I have to remember that the other night when I helped him go out to do his thing, his back legs slipped and he fell in his own excrement.  That is one thing about Murry, ever since the day we got him...he did not 'go' in the house.  He would either painfully hold it until we got home, or bark and let us know he needed out.

I would still like to not have to make this decisioin, but it looks like it's up to me. I mean, he can't get up to eat or drink, I bring his meals to him, and of course, his water.  I did research on euthanasia for dogs.  I've decided to go out and buy him a lot of great food I know he's enjoy.  I'm paying the extra to have a house call.  Murray hates the vet.  He gets so nervous.  So, the vet will come on Wednesday at 4, give him a sedative, and then the lethal injection.  They assured me it was not painful.  I asked if they knew because of the way the body reacted after the injection and they said yes. 

Mike, another great friend and pet stayed alive until the very painful end.  It was actually very horrible.  We woke up one Sunday morning to him sort of going a little crazy in panic because of the pain.  He just ran...ran to try to run away from the pain.  It was horrible; he fell down the basement steps and that's when we decided to take him to the nearest hospital.  When we got there they took him on a stretcher to the operating room.  As I went in and started to hold him they were getting the needle ready. I told him to let go...that I was there and to let go, it was okay.  And he did, before they even injected him.  But the point is that I think I waited too long.  He had been in pain for over a year.  I could tell by his excessive panting.  That's one of the reasons why I've made this decision. 

Am I having doubts? YES, but I know it's the right thing.  Would I help a human die if they were in the same postion?  Maybe.