Four Months Into Sixty

I've been 60 now for almost 4 months and yes, it is different than 59, or any other number for that matter. 





I realize, I mean really realize that most of my life is now behind me and, well....uh..death is closer than ever before.  I mean sure, death is always ahead of you and yes, we always are one day closer to death..yada yada yada.  However, turning 60 has changed my thoughts.  I wanted to compete with women in their 30's when I was in my early 50's, and I confess, even my mid and late 50's.  Now, it really doesn't seem to matter anymore.  Is it freeing?  Not really.  Is it oppressive, no, not at all.  I guess the best thing that I can say it is, is that it's just time passing.  I realize now, more than ever, that time is, indeed, passing.  That all things pass in time; the good the bad and the ugly. 

I was thinking about the year 2060.  I calculated that my grand-daughter would still be alive and thriving in her 50's.  I also calculated that I would be long gone.  Soooo odd! All those cliches and poems about life being a drop in the bucket of life and so on...they are beginning to totally make sense.  I mean I knew thos things were true, but only in my mind.  Now, I know them in my heart. 



Getting older is strange.  I don't feel old, but yet when I look back at all that I've experienced it's like I'm  a cat with nine lives.  Still, there is so much more I'd like to do.  Not that I can't do more, it's just that life truly belongs to the young. People in our society and other societies for that matter, expect their 'elders' to sort of retire in their mid 60's. 




I would like to say that I have that luxury, but I don't. So when I'm talking about being 'young'..I'm talking about job security and things like that.  I never used to even think of things like that.  Not until I turned 60.

Are there good things about 'aging'??? Of course.  I'm so much more at peace with myself.  My daughter and I were talking tonight about being around people who are at peace with themselves and who are not. I think being at peace with yourself is accepting yourself just as you are and knowing you're good!  Knowing that you're beautiful and knowing you were made in the image of God.  And, God is love...totally love.

Soooo...being 60?  I still think about my sexuality.  Now don't start thinking tv sexuality or movie sexuality.  I mean the fact that I'm a woman.  I love beauty, I'm probably more intuitive than most men, and I desire love and harmony.  Not that all humans don't, but women I think, do so in a bigger way.



Being 60 is, yes, a bit odd, a bit scarey and I still feel not much over 30 in my mind and heart.  I'm either totally immature or most everyone feels this way.  I'm not sure, I haven't taken a poll  In any case...I'm trying to redefine 60 without all the stereo types I grew up with.  I think I"m doing a pretty good job.

Bye for now..and stay in the moment; you'll never have another one like this one.  Love!

"Notes to My Younger Self" (as inspired by another blogger.)

Another poster on Facebook blogged about writing to his younger self and that, of course, made me think of what would I tell my young self if I could...or if I  could do things over? Wow...it's almost overwhemling thinking about this. There are so many things so I'll just begin and let it flow:

Dear Younger Self,



Find that strength in you and realize it's a God given force.  Don't deny it, don't minimize it.  Use it and ponder it.  It will serve you well.

Always know that you can create a reality with intention. But, there is something way bigger than intention, and that is a personal God who loves you and is much stronger than you are.  Yes, there is someone out there that is bigger than you.

Know that things work out for the best. That's just a mystery of life that if you believe it, it's uncanny how true it really is.

You really are beautiful.

You really are intelligent, just be patient. 

You really can get what you want; just be sure it's what you want in the end. Because sometimes what you want will turn on you.








ALWAYS MOVE TOWARDS LOVE.    VE.


NEVER MOVE TOWARS FEAR OR LET IT LEAD YOU.





If you decide to have kids, DO NOT let other people tell you how to raise them.  God has given you what you need. 



Spanking a child will NEVER do what you want it to do IF you're trying to teach them something other than anger.

If you decide to marry, always remember, they are just human.  He can't save you from anything.

Get your degree....better yet, get a few degrees.  You'll never regret it.

Learn to love yourself, otherwise you'll never really be able to love others.




Exercise.





Don't eat unless you're hungry.



Always tell those you love that you love them.  You never know when it will be the last time.






Your parents are really doing the best that they can do.









Forgive yourself, forgive others.



Don't read or listen to the news.







Simon and Garfunkel were right, you can gather all the news you need from the weather report.






Take special notice of your dreams.





Know who your real friends are, they will be there for life....sometimes that's so hard to do, but eventually you'll know.





In the end, your true friends will always tell you they love you no matter what.




Blood really isn't thicker than water.






Love your children, but let them go...they're not yours.






Love your husband, but let him go, he too, is not really yours.








Know that love never goes away. Those that you loved, you will always love.

And ALWAYS ............................................

ANSWER THE PHONE!!!

All Things Left Undone

Usually I post this on fb, but tonight, I'm not going to do that.  I'm feeling way too private and nostalgic and sentimental.  Tonight I'm writing about things that could've been, would've been.  I had a boyfriend when I was young and we loved for two years.  Not long, but long enough for that formiable time of our lives.  He died young, and I was left behind.  I ddin't know how to handle being the one left here to figure out life without his love.  There were so many things left unfinished that I underestimated how deep my grief really went. 

Listening to songs, allowing myself to feel the pain, really, is sort of liberating.  I honestly don't know why it is, but it is.  Tonight I'm not going to add  a lot of visuals. I'm just going to use this medium to let whoever know that there are things, sometimes, that are always left undone, and we are left to deal with them;  no matter the damage.



goodnight all...and take care.

Lazy Sunday

Sitting here on a beautiful, lazy Sunday I'm appreciating all I have, all I have had and well...this amazing day.  I just finished cleaning my house and it feels like I've cleansed my soul.







I've rearranged some things and have hung some new artwork.  The windows have been open all day and I won't close them until the last bit of sunlight leaves...which will be soon. I have lots of mirrors in my house because of how beautifully they reflect light if postioned in the right spots. Looking across the room I see a beautiful reflection of my window which shows the trees, colorful flowers and the private wall..I love private walls in the backyard.  Makes me feel like I could go out naked and no one would see me.(from "landscaping network)

Have I said yet that I'm thankful? Because I truly am.  My life has, for sure, had it's ups and downs.  The ups have been pretty high and the downs felt like I went to the center of the earth.  But right now, I'm floating on a sweet cloud of tranquility.









(Above the Clouds by Hilda Robinson)










As this day comes to an end I'll be going to my daughter's house soon to baby sit my three,extremely gorgeous,  above average grandchildren.  This peacefulness is a little difficult to walk away from, but one can't really hang on to moments like these..that's the thing about life; you can't hang on...you have to let it all pass so that you are ready for the next moment.  The moments of my life have made me who I am.  In the last few years I have been able to get a sort of panoramic picture of "me" and how I've lived my life.  I like me.  I think I'm a pretty good person who, without the help of my God, would not have been so good.



And there ya have it.  Take care and enjoy your moments.

Dreams...Check 'Em Out!

It's been a while.  But here I am, wanting to write and trying to think of all things I told myself that I'd write about.  Go figure...can't really zero in on any of the subjects I thought of...but so be it.  I'll wing it.  A recent thread I've been participating in on fb is about dreams.  I have an old friend I respect and am fond of, who thinks that dreams are things we should just dismiss as something caused by what we eat.  Actually, I'm not so sure where he thinks the origin of our dreams come from. Me?  I'm actually a Carl Jung fan and align my 'dream beliefs' with his. 

I beleive that dreams help us figure out who we are and what sort of emotional dilema's we have not dealt with in our life.






Dreams helped me realize that there were events in my life from way back that I hadn't really dealt with so that I could have a total healing.  (If there is such a thing.)  It started when I was almost 18.  I had a boyfriend whom I had been with for two years.  I dreampt he was in a helicopter accident...and the next night he was in a jeep accident and died.  He was not driving.  It, obviously, was devastating because I loved him very much, and at that young age humans seem to be so vulnerable to most things.




 The dreams that followed were critical in my development as a person.

I had a specific dream that I will share with you:  I was visiting my boyfriends grave, cleaning and tidying up the area.  As I leaned on the headstone, it cracked and I sort of fell in. It wasn't deep, down to the coffin itself, but it was deep enough that I lost my balance and my right elbow and right side fell in. 




There, in the crevice was my birth certificate.  With that, I woke up.  "WOW"...I thought, this means something.

Not long after  I 'got saved" in the Jesus Movement.    



 At the church I attended I was taught that dreams were actually nothing  but results of spicy foods one eats.  Hmmmmmmm....It was okay by me because to actually have to delve further into my psyche was more than I could handle at the time.

Things have a way with catching up with us though.  The dream about the cememtary and my birth certificate happened soon after the Jesus movement experience. I have dreamed dreams since then that sort of led me on a journey of healing.  When I decided to take note of my dreams, everything changed...I changed. I believe that dreams are God's secret language of healing. (There's a book called just that, "Dreams, God's Secret Language"

Okay, moving on.  Studying Carl Jung and his theories sort of coincided with my journey.  As a Christian, I look to the bible as my main source.  Jung's theories never once went against anything that would deny my faith.  Actually, it was the opposite.  His theories have helped me deal with and perhaps understand something as abstract as dreams.

So, there ya have it.  In summary, I pay attention to my dreams.  Not too closely because a person dreams every night and I don't remember what I dream for the most part.  But when I do, I take note.  My "gut" tells me when I need to look into the matter of the abstract venue of the dream world

In the meantime...I have been happy with a new job as Site Director with k12 program. It's a God send for sure.  I hope all of you have a great beginning to another fabulous year.  Love you all and take care.