I posted this on fb and know it is true for me. I just didn't have the words or thoughts organized as to explain why. I don't think it's just true for me, but for more people than I would like to think. Because it's such a harsh statement, I feel that perhaps an explanation is in order. I've thought long and hard on this one and believe that I may have the words to express why I posted this.
I have been watching the new tv reality series called, "Breaking Amish" about, obviously, Amish kids. They leave their protective roots and environment and go to the big and crazy city of New York. It almost reminds me in part of "Pilgrim's Progress"...but not really. Anyway, they take the risk of leaving all that they know behind and going on this journey of finding out who they are what they really believe. In the process they, of course, are shunned by their friends, family and the whole of the Amish community.
shun (sh
n)
tr.v. shunned, shun·ning, shuns
To avoid deliberately; keep away from. See Synonyms at escape.
[Middle English shunnen, from Old English scunian, to abhor.
So, this shunning process began in my life very early. I was aware of it, although it wasn't out and out obvious, especially in the 1950's. Oh, but it was there. My father was Jewish and my mother Catholic.
I went to Catholic grade school and always felt different. I wasn't necessarily 'shunned' then, but I felt some what rejected or out of place because of my father being Jewish, It was also a Catholic law that if a person was divorced, they couldn't receive any of the church's sacraments. When I thought of this, I thought again, of the Amish show. One of the boys went home for a visit. He really wasn't allowed back in the family, but out of the goodness of their hearts, they let him eat dinner at the house However, he was shunned, meaning eat is all that he could do. He had to sit at a little table in the corner, by himself, while others were not allowed to speak to him. This reminded me of the law about divorced people not allowed to receive the sacraments.
Still, I stayed in the church, although I felt extremely unworthy, not good enough, and definitely out of place. I won't even get into the other personal experiences that I had with the church from my childhood. As soon as I was out of the school, in eighth grade, I was out! I would go to church on Christmas, mostly with my boyfriends. Just in the last twenty years I have revisited my feelings about the Catholic Church as they have changed their ways in a lot of dogma. Still, going to the church with my brother a few years ago, my husband was not allowed to take communion. I apparently, because I was baptized as an infant, still would be considered part of the church. I understand that they think it's the real body and blood of Christ, but Christ gave his body for us to be metaphorically eaten up by our sins. I don't get the logic. It still seems like you have to be part of the club to have dinner with them. I just don't see how Jesus would turn anyone away from eating with him, let alone consuming him.
By the time I was in my twenties, I rejected western religion and began a journey of trying to find God. I always felt a god was out there, but was never sure exactly what that was. When the Jesus movement turned up at my symbolic door step, I was ready. It was God, knocking on the door of my heart, letting me know, through a man named Jesus, that he understood me, loved me, and he too, felt out of place on this earth. I found a little church where I felt part of a community; I was young and open and wanted a sense of belonging.
The community bond lasted a good five years or more. Relationships developed and we sorted through life together. Yet still, I wasn't sure about a lot of things and my sense of belonging became a choice of religious beliefs. I would believe all I heard because this was my "church family" and well...we were "right". We went to bible classes, we loved God, we wanted to worship God. All of that was fine and good, but ever so slowly the shunning and judging began. It was a Protestant church that believed saved by grace through grace. I loved that, I still do, but slowly, in my own personal retrospect, it wasn't like that at all.
I was late for a play I volunteered to be part of, and I was literally yelled at. I just chalked it up as being part of a family, and these things happened. But when people began being shunned, that was terribly upsetting to me. Personal lives were being exposed publicly, or at least publicly in our own "church family" and people were being hurt deeply. If we didn't agree with a lot of what was taught, we were looked on as being "rebellious". (To this day I am skeptical whenever I hear that word!)
So, the Protestants were not exempt from the shunning that went on in the Catholic church. Even in the Jewish synagogue there was a personal experience of the same type causing some to feel out of place, not welcome. My father, after my conversion with Christ, decided to go back to his faith. In October of 1973, the Yom Kippur War broke out in Israel. A special "prayer meeting"was called at my father's synagogue. He decided the least he could do is go and pray. But it wasn't a prayer meeting at all, it was instead a meeting where all the locals pledged huge sums of money to support Israel.
My father didn't have that kind of money and left feeling humiliated and out of place.
Now, remember, what I say is purely subjective. My daughter has some good points when she tells me that I'm jaded based on my past and that I need to get past that. I agree. Also, my daughter's in laws, and personal friends of mine, have been pastors for years. They are a shining example of love and acceptance to all who want to know Christ..Actually to ALL. Whether they want to know Christ or not. But my deep down feelings are as follows:
To this day, I wish I could say that the church, of all people, open their arms to others. I wish I could say that it's a safe place to go and worship God. I do, however, think things are much better and younger people are starting to realize that if we want to show the world who the "human" Jesus is, they we have to know that only the "goodness of God" leads to repentance.
I understand I seem harsh and jaded and even mean. And I probably am. This is something I'm trying to work on. This is something that I want to change. But in any case, I believe that the church needs to get back to the person of Jesus and all he taught. Forget Paul for now, as he was only human, but Jesus was God and human alike. His words are really more powerful than others.
So, there ya have it. My reasons as to why I believe Lenny Bruce was on to something.
They had a rough go of it, but they did the best they could and the did well. I appreciate the type of life they gave me. So thanks to you Mom and Dad. I know you know.
