Spurred Memories

I've been content lately.



 Feeling good about life, no pain here, almost cruising.






Sitting on my couch  tonight listening to Dave playing his songs when a couple of them brought back extremely painful memories; hard times. It was the kind of pain  so intense that when I hear those songs, they take me back to that exact moment. The feelings become as real as an alarm clock waking you from a sweet dream.




 So, I told myself, " just don't listen to those, skip 'em".  But they are probably two of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard. To let something keep me from that richness would be so very sad!,



Pain is beautiful too. It causes the soul to go deeper into it's own identity. So I embraced it and let the memories return in all their tragic glory.







 If the pain doesn't kill you, or destroy you, or steal your heart,  it has the potential to carve you into something beautiful, meaningful and compassionate. Pain is like an ocean.



I realize how pain is a necessary part of life.  Necessary not because we live in an imperfect world, but necessary for us to live fully, totally and have a real story.  When the pain returned tonight by just hearing the song I wanted to turn and go on to something different, sort of run away.  But instead I accepted it, relived it, and realized it was just a paragraph in the story of my life.

Standing here 
The old man said to me 
Long before these crowded streets 
Here stood my dreaming tree 
Below it he would sit 
For hours at a time 
Now progress takes away 
What forever took to find 
Now he's falling hard 
He feels the falling dark 
How he longs to be 
Beneath his dreaming tree 
Conquered fear to climb 
A moment froze in time 
When the girl who first he kissed 
Promised him she'd be his 
Remembered mother's words 
There beneath the tree 
No matter what the world 
You'll always be my baby 
Mommy come quick 
The dreaming tree has died 
The air is growing thick 
A fear he cannot hide 
The dreaming tree has died 
Oh have you no pity 
This thing I do 
I do not deny it 
All through this smile 
As crooked as danger 
I do not deny 
I know in my mind 
I would leave you now 
If I had the strength to 
I would leave you up 
To your own devices 
Will you not talk 
Can you take pity 
I don't ask much 
But won't you speak 
Please 
From the start 
She knew she had it made 
Easy up 'til then 
For sure she'd make the grade 
Adorers came in hordes 
To lay down in her wake 
She gave it all she had 
But treasures slowly fade 
Now she's falling hard 
She feels the fall of dark 
How did this fall apart 
She drinks to fill it up 
A smile of sweetest flowers 
Wilted so and soured 
Black tears stain the cheeks 
That once were so admired 
She thinks when she was small 
There on her father's knee 
How he had promised her 
You'll always be my baby 
Daddy come quick 
The dreaming tree has died 
I can't find my way home 
There is no place to hide 
The dreaming tree has died 
Oh if I had the strength 
Take me back 
Save me please

Spoon in spoon 
Stirring my coffee 
I thought of you 
And turned to the gate 
On my way came up with the answers 
I scratched my head 
And the answers were gone 
From hand to hand 
Wrist to the elbow 
Red blood sand 
Could Dad be God 
Crosses cross hung out like a wet rag 
Forgive you why 
You hung me out to dry 
Maybe I'm crazy 
But laughing out loud 
Makes the pain pass by 
And maybe you're a little crazy 
But laughing out loud makes it all subside 
Holding I'm holding 
I'm still falling 
Spoon in spoon 
Stirring my coffee 
I thought of this 
And turned to the gate 
But on my way 
Crack 
Lightning and thunder 
I hid my head 
And the storm slipped away 
Well maybe I'm crazy 
And laughing out loud 
Makes it all pass by 
And maybe you're a little crazy 
And laughing out loud 
Makes it all alright 
Laughing out loud 
From time to time 
Minutes and hours 
Some move ahead while 
Some lag behind 
It's like the balloon that 
Rise and then vanish 
This drop of hope 
That falls from his eyes 
Spoon in spoon 
Stirring my coffee 
I think of this 
And turn to go away 
But as I walk 
There're voices behind me saying 
Sinners sin 
Come now and play