Ode to Three Beautiful Women

I am so fortunate to have three wonderful sisters.  Two are my little sisters from my mother and father, and one is my little sister whom I have adopted as my own.  There is a special bond that connects me to each, and to each a very different and unique relationship. 



I'll start with the first:






She is only four years younger than myself and she is my go to girl if I need prayer, if I need to vent about my weight, and she is definately my beautiful, alter ego.  She is what I wanted be but never was. She was the cute cheerleader in high school AND on the homecoming and prom court.  She was the one everyone liked because she was and still is, so friendly and accepting of everyone, as well as one beautiful specimen of true femininity. Was I jealous?  Hell yes!  But I loved her as my own heart.  Once, when we were kids, she snuck out of the house, or was out too late, and tried to creep back through my bedroom window.


  Of course my parents found out , and because I was the "naughty" girl,  they assumed it was me. Just taking credit for being a good sister here:  I took the blame and wound up grounded for her crime.  In any case, I wasn't really that nice to her most of the time and have regrets.  (GEEEEZ  how many regrets do I have?  Let me count the ways...) But my sister, she is a joy to have.  I don't know what I would do without her these days.  When I was out of town alone and was stuck in a ghetto hotel, she was the one I called and cried to early in the morning after a very restless night of fear.  When I was stuck in nowheresville on top of a mountain, snow falling so thick it was hallucingetic, I called her for prayer at about 3 a.m.  She didn't care it was so early/late, she just cared I was scared out of my wits...and of course she prayed. I know I can call on her.
 





Then, there's my little sister who is next in age.




  She's about seven years younger.  She was the beautiful strawberry blonde among a family of dark brunettes.  When my mother brought her home from the hospital I felt I had my own little child.  Even at seven I had these motherly instincts, and of course I took them out on this sister.  I was in love with her soft, blonde curls, her pouty mouth and her quiet, unlike me, ways.


 
When we used to play together, I would mother her, comb her long blonde hair, and constantly give her my attention. 

As an adult, when I was going through probably one of the most difficult times of my life, she was there with profound wisdom, this time, taking care of me.


Her accomplishments are too numerous to count.  She sings, she acts, she counsels...what can't she do? Her ability to be intuitive is amazing. Am I jealous? Hell yes! 


Lastly, my youngest sister. She is my sister by choice.  She is about fifteen years younger than me:






She has captured my heart with her eccentric ways, her beautiful voice and her heart of understanding.  She is so beauituful that I have to make sure she doesn't fall for a guy just because he can't resist her timely, angelic beauty.  Am I jelous?  Hell yes! She is one that I call when all is out of control....not just a snow storm, not just a ghetto hotel, but when chaos seems to be covering me and I have no idea who I am.  I didn't grow up with her, but I will grow old knowing she is a part of my life, like my own blood.  Her sense of humor never ceases to make me smile exactly when I need to smile.  Because of her love of animals, she understands my extreme love of animals.  She is who I am in so many ways. 


A woman needs sisters!  How can life be full without these beautiful creatures who teach so much, give so much and accept you, just as you are, in all your weaknesses, addicitons, eccentricities and yes, and all of your talents.  I love these women as my own soul and will be forever grateful to them.  When I die, don't look too far away, I'll speak to each of you. 



Listen....Probably through a song, a pet, a dream, or maybe, if I'm lucky, my own voice.  And I'll say the same thing..."I love you, thank you so much for who you are and how you love me."

A Letter To My Mother

Dear Mom,

It would have been your birthday today.  I'm sorry I didnt' realzie that until I saw it on Facebook; Debbie, of course, posted something. She is so good with remembering dates.  I'm not.  You know that.  You always knew that, and you always knew my other hang ups.  But you still loved me and let me know how much you loved me.  I believe you still love me, are still aware of all my stuff and I feel you at times.  Like today, I felt you this morning on the way to church.  Weird.  I love that kind of "weirdness". 

Okay, enough about me.  I want to talk about you.  About how great you were to pretty much everyone you came across, how accepting you were of people, how beautiful you were, and how much to this day, I admire you.  My bff Carol talks about when we get together.  She remembers how you and her would chat when she came over, and how you always took her in for no matter how long.  She too, said how beautiful you were inside and out.  I can see you now, as if you're here, with that familiar smile on your face saying, "Awww..thank you honey."  Wow, I can hear your voice even. 

You really should have been a career woman.  I hate how the culture back then just assumed a woman got married and basically her purpose was to serve her husband and children.  I mean, you know I don 't think there is anything wrong with that, but for that to be an unspoken law?  I believe that's why you were unhappy at times, you didn't have an outlet for all of your talents.  You were so hugely talented too.  Anyway, you weren't made to just stay at home although you did well with it.  Your creativity found a way to express itself in sewing and decorating.  I'm really glad you finally got a job at the  tv station writing local commercials.  Remember when Doc Severnson said he wanted to be your sugar daddy?  Ha!  Just like a man right mom?  Still, all those little local women, eat your heart out, my mom was the bomb!!! And for sure you were.  I have your picture when you were young on my facebook.  I am so proud of your beauty.  Seriously, you shine!  Dad knew he was out of his league when he got you. Of course I'm not just talking about your outward beauty either.

The older I get, I see you in so many different ways.  I see you, before you even married dad ,as this spirited rebel...pretty, little rebel who ran away to Chicago to find herself.  Instead she found this Jewish bad boy and he, lucky guy, crazily, won your heart.  I know you often wondered what it would have been like to marry someone else.  You were always this princess married to a commoner.  I'm sort of joking, but not really.  You dated guys before dad, who were financially above the jewish ghetto that he came from. Although now, we know, he worked his ass off and provided  well for you .  At least towards the end he did.

I miss you mom. There's this young woman inside of me that misses you terribly.  Now I'm older, not a young woman anymore, but I miss you just as much now as I did when you died.  I don't want to get maudlin or anything, but since I'm writing this, I want you to know it.  I wish you would have been there for Shauna's wedding, for the birth of my grandkids, and selfishly, for that really difficult time I went through.  I miss you!  Sometimes I even resent my husband for being able to have his parents still around.  But you never wanted to get like Mimmy.  You didn't want to leave your home. So you didn't.  And we know the rest of the story.

Sometimes, not so much lately, but sometimes when you were first gone, I saw you in dreams.  I know it was you.  I know the dead talk in spite of the dogma...I know. It was about three or four days after you died, and we were all at your house taking care of things, and I heard you say to me, "Peggy, enjoy your life."  I heard it as I was going from the kitchen to the living room...I stopped right there in the hallway and just didn't move because it was so random....I know it really was you.  Anyway, haven't heard from you lately so maybe you're somewhere else now; somewhere where there really are no more tears.  It doesn't matter where you are, it matters who you were.  And you were, in a tiny little word, AMAZING.  I'm so glad you were my mother.  Love you always mom.....

Until next time,

Pegala

The Angels Up at the tombstone said he is risen just as he said!

Easter is huge for me...Jesus, my love, has conquered death. To put it more clearly, he actually came back, physically from the dead.  OMG!!!! Truly. This is one of my most favorite holidays because this is the foundation of my faith. No other person who claimed to be God has this as part of his resume



I have done so many studies on death and near death expiences because a lot of people I love have died.  Jesus has been there, done that.  I believe he did...that is why I am a Christian..a leap of faith.



This blog, tonight, is about Jesus, is about the Easter holiday. It's about the belief that Christians choose to believe..and this is that Jesus went to the depths of death...and beyond, the depths of hell..and came back.  No other human claimed to do that..but Jesus claimed that he did. 

I am a believe because I experienced something on August 6, 1972 at 9 pm.  It was probably the most incredible experienc of my life...and it took hold of me and hasn't let go. 

So, here, I want to say to Jesus..uh......well.....geeeezzz..how small do I feel right now?


Pretty small...
But I also know that I don't have to do ANYTHING for his love.  That in spite of my consistant failures..he STILL loves me....

There ya have it...words are cheap when it comes to the love of my Jesus..I love him...he loves me..I know this....Happy Easter ya all.

What's So Good About It????

Lately I've been thinking about love.  Well, to be honest, I think about it a lot of  the time.



 Love isn't easy to  think about either, because it's so, well, it's so good! There are so many negatives in the world that it's pretty elementary to turn into a negative person with a adversarial,( putting it mildy),



 or cataclysmic (putting it a little more extreme) view of life.







 Each time you turn on the tv, open yahoo, or read a newspaper,  one perceives that the world is a horrible place and  everyone should be suspect. The media, conservative or liberal, also encourages people to desperately engage in a "we vs they" mentality to where it becomes childish and seems like we're fighting on the playground in some school yard. 



As a person who believes she has a distinctive relationship with Jesus, I find it a daily process to ensue what I believe the Christian faith is all about; Love!



"Therefore, my brethren, those things that are true, those that are honorable, those that are righteous, those things that are pure, those things that are precious, those things that are praiseworthy, deeds of glory and of praise, meditate on these things." From the bible, the book of Ephesians 4:8

I look at that and see "true", "honorable", "righteous", "pure", "precious", "praiseworthy", "deeds of glory and of praise", "MEDITATE ON THESE THINGS."


 Hmmmmmmm, meditate!.......That's a job in itself if you're not in the practice of doing.  First, what does the word "meditate" even mean?  I used to visualize some very limber, flexible person; possibly a small, bald man in a white, sort of  toga, wrapped around him, sitting cross-legged, closed eyes, palms up while resting on his lithesome knees, and hearing a low, monotone "ommmmmmmmmmmm" coming from him. Fortunately, because of my perpetual relationship with discipline,  I now know better.  Here are some synonyms for meditate, " ponder, muse; ruminate; cogitate, study, think. 3.  contemplate, plan, devise, contrive. "  And here is the definition, "to engage in thought or contemplation, reflect"



To contemplate that all people are created in the image of God is a powerful, awesome thought.  Muse on that one if you will.  When you think of hardened criminals, or even worse yet, evil humans such as  Hitler, (wow) they were ALL created in the image of God. 




You may not be able to go beyond that thought  because this thought, perhaps, followed, "What the hell went wrong???" 





 At least that's how my mind works.  We all know something did go terribly wrong...we know that!  Most people, the majority of people really, aren't stupid.  Deep down inside "we all were meant for better than this" as C.S Lewis says.  I believe that too.  So, that being said, continue to ponder how wonderful humans really are.  Try it...go on!   Right now!

A lot of theologians would argue using plenty of scriptures about how horrible we are, how bad our hearts are, yada yada yada.....sort of like watching or reading the news.  I can see their point.  Buthose things, at least in the Christian faith, happned after something went horribly wrong.  The fact still remains is that scripture in the bible still says to meditate on the good.  I won't even get into pondering the beauty of animals, our enviornment, and  issues of human desire. 

A challenge for you today:  Do it!  Meditate on ALL that is good... What is in your thoughts will come out in your conversation too.  How fun is that to actually talk about things that are right and believe them.  If people started their days thinking intentially wonderful thoughts, how could that change things in the big picture, or in one individuals life?

Just a challenge....have a great, beautiful, peaceful, but most of all, loving day.  I believe in you!

  

Disgusted With Politics and Mind Manipulation

Firstly let me clarify one thing: I consider myself a Christian, a follower of Christ.  I have a personal relationship with him and have had for many, many years.  Now, let me go on to politics.  I'm sick of the manipultion of politics. 






The fact that my dear sister is so opposite me as far as her beliefs in politics is sometimes painful to me.  Her fundamental view from the rose tinted glasses of the religious right wing is understandable. But I am far from that.  I'll get to the point;  birth control and the recent election.  It angers me to no end to hear men, of all people, talk about birth control. Rick Santorum is against birth control.  Hmmmm, maybe because his body doesn't carry the child for 9 months and then have the main responsibility for caring for that child for the rest of his/her life. I am not for late term abortions.  I think that is inexcusable.  If a woman is pregnant, she knows right away.  Her first missed period should tell her something is not right.

 One of Santorum's main supporters said that a woman should just "keep her legs together'.  OMG...God help me on replying to THAT one. 

FRIESS:" On this contraceptive thing, my gosh, it’s so inexpensive. You know, back in my days, they used Bayer Aspirin for contraceptives. The gals put it between their knees and it wasn’t that costly."



It's very disheartening when I read things like this.  I'm so sick of the right wing taking things into their hands and brain washing Christians to think that abortion is the ultimate sin.  I am so discouraged!  When I was 16 I thought I was pregnant.  The thought terrified me.  Not only would it have devastated me, what would it have done to my parents???  I would have been such an embarassment to them, a disapointment!  So I told my boyfriend to hit me, to hit me really hard in the stomach so that I could miscarry.  Was I really pregnant?  I'm not sure.  Probably not, but I thought I could have been. 

When has  man ever thought he was pregnant? 



I guess I'm venting, but his is so disturbing to me.  If I say I'm for choice, I'm considered a back slider, if I tell the truth and say that I don't believe life begins at conception, I'm also a backslider.   And if Catholics believe it's all up to God, then don't take medications.  If you do, you're interfering with God's will.  Geeeez. 

Okay, done....there ya have it......



 .

The Jesus Factor and Love...forget the duty for now...I dare you.

It's Sunday evening and I've been surfing comments and links on Facebook.  As a Christian I am frustrated and saddened by what seems to take precedence on the morality scale.




 I guess that morality is a broad term.  In my mind, I think Christ is more concerned with our hearts and affection towards him rather than what is morally good or bad.  Some may call my stand "greasey grace".  At least that's what they called so many years ago when I first became a Christian.

Since then, my relationship with Jesus has gone out of the doctrinal box. 



 Not out of the words in the bible, just out of dogma and upbringing.







  I get tired of going to church and hearing about how bad everyone and everything is....how bad WE are. Personally, I think most people know that they have this dark sids.  A particular scripture in the old testament says the heart is evil.  But there is also a scripture in the Old Testament that says God will give humans a new heart.  That is when they accept their Messiah and they and their Messiah will be, as it were, one.  That new heart is a heart of flesh, not stone.  A heart that continues to stay vulnerable to pain if it is in the name of love. A new heart that believes the best about all...that sees humankind the way God sees them.




A few years ago I was in SanFrancisco with my husband and I saw this homeless man.







  Immediately I sort of saw him as a mother's son.  There he was, a young boy full of life, hope, promise and a mother's love.







 And now, a homeless man, who seeminly has given up on himself, his dignity and all hope.  Yet I saw him as a child with a future.  I think that's the way God sees all humans.  To lose sight of God's view of humankind is to lose a hugely important aspect in Christianity.  The bible tells us God is love however it seems that over the past 30 years of my walk in Christianity, the word love has been redefined according to subjective culture.  That's why getting back to First Corinthians 13 in the bible is a must.  It is the true definition of love.









Frankly, people like Louise Hay and Wayne Dyer have been helping me see God's love more than my own tranditonal church.  I am not afraid to know that humans are made in the divine image of God.  How powerful is that.  I think rules and regulations are only there to keep us feeling like there is this security that will protect us from our own selves.  I think we are afraid of ourselves and our own power and desires.








  Desire is powerful and if we can supress it and make it go away, especially if it's soemthing that we think would drive us away from God, then we feel safer with laws.  But as far as I can see, Jesus gave us a new law; that of love.  The law of love. Love is the motivator now. At least that is God's hope for us.  When we as humans feel as if we can't operate out of love, then the next best thing is duty.  I certainly don't want my husband to love me out of duty.  Not at all.  I would rather not have a husband if he were staying with me because he felt it was his moral obligation.  I want it to go deeper, and if it doesn't...let him go.  Maybe that's what the scripture in Revelation means when it says something to the effect that God would rather have cold or hot, but not luke warm.  It goes on to say if we're luke warm, he would spit us out. 

My main desire is to love him more.  At least my main desire in my own journey of faith.  I have walked for years with this Jesus and he has proven himself over and over and over.  Sometimes, when I'm still, I feel him in the room.  Right there....sitting or standing or just being....being there for me.  At other times I don't feel him at all and if I'm in need, sometimes I could panic.  But I've been walking this way for too many years to totally panic. (knock on wood......holding my breath a bit.)

What do I want to hear at church?  I want to hear the truth that tells me I AM a child of God, just like ALL OTHER HUMANS.  I want to hear that Grace WILL prevail.  I want to hear that because for years and years I heard all the stuff that I "should" do if I am really a friend of Christ.  Trouble was, I never, ever felt like I measured up. Then bam, my life threw up in my face and I didn't care anymore.  I felt like I was dangling from a rope...I let go and there He was, hanging on to ME>  I wasn't hanging on to him.  I saw that and how could I help but to fall in love with him all over again. 





We were ALL created in his image.  NO escaping that.









 I don't want to hear a "we/they" mentality.  Because of this, a lot of my old christian friends have sort of distanced themselves from me...and  that's okay. I get it.  No real harm done. 

In the meantime, I see grace, I see God everywhere these days.  David said when he wrote a psalm.."if I go to hell I can't escape your presence".  I am grateful that whether it's dark or light, HE is there.  I'm just really trying to follow that love that is always there; trying to  brain wash myself in HIS love that is UNCONDITIONAL......It isn't too difficult with a friend like Jeus to hang with.

Peace to you and God's blessings.

God, Dog, the Connection

It's now Sunday. We've had Tasha since Thursday night. I have been looking for another dog for a few weeks now.  We have had several tragedies since we've moved to "the Phoenix".  I didn't realize what a wild place this is under it's thin veneer of civilization.  Years ago, when I visited I could almost hear the land saying to humans, "Try and tame me, I dare you". Apparently I didn't listen too deeply, otherwise maybe I would have thought twice.  However, we had no family left in the beautiful place called Kansas City, so it was time to move on. Our childrne chose to move to  the west, so the west it was.  I sort of half jokingly say that this place is nothing but pain and sharpness. The plants have thorns, the coyotes eat small domestic animals and the whole place cries out "I WILL CUT YOU"....(said in ghetto talk)



 
But I digress.

We have had Tasha for only a little while and already I am deeply in love. When my husband brought her home I was on the phone with my best friend and little sister.  It was a Thursday night and I was ready for a four day weekend.  I had been looking at rescue dogs for a while, almost obsessively.  Nothing seemed to work out and I was honestly, becoming a little overwhelmed.




 Yet my husband came through.  As I was talking on the phone, having a great time with my sis, I headr him come in. But before I saw him, I saw this longish, mutt, with a sort of smashed in face and a body that seemed a bit too long for her face with a curled tail .  She was  sort of odd looking, but in a cute way. Now of course, I think she's stunning. Even as I write, I feel the love that I have for her deep in my heart. She is lying on the doggie bed in the living room, sleeping peacefully.  I can't tell you how content that makes me feel.





 She is an eight month old baby who is half pug, half Aussie.   I think she looks like she has a bit of pit in her too. She is so respectful of Lexy, our queen dog.  Lexy acts like she just tolerates her, but I know she loves the company.

 I know my Lexy.  Lexy is a beautiful American Eskimo with perhaps a bit of Pomeranian in her, but mostly American Eskimo.

We've had her 12 years now.  When I brought her home from the church where I attended and had a school, my husband said that it was either her or him.  I chose her, and he chose to stay. We already had two male dogs.  One was the alpha dog, Mike, who had lots of chow in him and lots of Benji.  The other, our gentle giant, was part Chow, part Retriever. Mike lived for at least 14 years.  I dreamed of his death a year before he died.  He died almost exactly how I dreamed he would.  It was, needless to say, extremely painful for my husband and myself. Murray, our gentle giant, was euthanized this last June.  It was the most difficlult thing I've ever done in my life.





 And lexy, our little white princess, who is now Queen, was left.  She was actually depressed when Murray was euthanized.  The vet came to our home for the 'act'. Murray hated to go to the vet, so our amazing vet came to us.  He had a good last day with a huge roast beef sandwich with a milk shake to wash it down.  Lexy watched everything from the bottom of the dining room table.  She even watched the vet carry his body out to the van.  Don't even try to tell me dogs aren't affected.  She was. She seemed lethargic after that.  I, in the meantime, acquired a great, much needed,  full time job and wasn't able to be home all the time.  So, the search began. 

This brings me back to last Thursday night. The Thursday after Valentine's Day.  I told my husband I wanted a dog for Valentine's Day, and as I said before, he wonderfully came through.  So, here I am, on this beautiful Sunday night writing about our new family member and I tell you, I'm in love.  So in love!  I didn't know it was possible. What is it with age that a person, me at least, feels so much more?  We named this beautiful creature Tasha.  It fits her perfectly.  Actually my husband named her.  She was a stray so they told him. He bought her from the community shelter where they were having an adoption marathon at the local Petsmart.  It was, of course, a 'special'.  For $34 we got her, she was spayed, cleaned up and recent on all her shots.  PLUS she came with a free vet check up which I have already used. 

Back to Tasha.  Her personality is of course, young.  She's only eight months.  However, she seemed to bond immediately. She sort of knew that we would give her a home that she had always wanted. Well, that she has wanted for maybe eight months.  She was a stray and her left eye looked damaged. It was extremely red,  blood red and there was this sort of halo at the bottom.  At her check up, the vet confirmed it was a "blow" to the head or maybe a "scratch".  She is NOT potty trained, let me repeat that, she is NOT potty trianed, so that is a challenge.  (Ug!)  Yet she is worth all the challenges for sure. 

I think that in my life, I have found that the loss of a pet is about as painful as the loss of a human.






 It becomes more painful as I age.  I get the sense that Tasha is immensely grateful to us for rescuing her from her cage.  I get the sense that she  believes she is now in doggie heaven.  I think it's me who has struck it rich.  The fact that little Tasha and Lexy are waiting for me when I get home, are there for me when I wake and love me unconditionally? I think it's me who is experiencing a bit of heaven. 




"I look up and I see God
I look down and see my dog
Simple spelling G.O.D
Same words backwards D.O.G

They would stay with me all day
I'm the one who walks away
But both of them just wait for me
and dance at my return with glee

Both love me no matter what
Divine God and  canine mutt
I take it hard each time I fail
But God forgives, Dog wags his tail

God showed up  and made the dog
Dog reflects a part of God
I've seen love from both sides now
It's everywhere, amen, bow wow

I look up and I see God
I look down and see my dog
And in my human frailty
I can't match their love for me

Wendy Francisico