There has been so much change in my life over the last year that I think it's finally caught up with me. I have time to sit, ponder, reflect and appreciate. It hasn't been easy. The moving part was, the physical change has been relatively smooth, but the catching up and decluttering, not just physcially, but emotionally and spiritually , has been a chore
Let's begin with the spiritual. To depend on God, and on faith in God is simple when the rest of your life supports you with money, friends, family and health. However, when all of that is in jeopardy, or even gone..then the challenge begins. I used to never be concerned about money. I knew we would always pay our bills, live well, and be prosperous. And we were. I also was and still am an adamant believer in paying tithes to God. Tithes is when ten percent of everything you make is turned back over, or given to God; usually to a local church. Still, things have gotten a little strange financially since we've been out west. Read any sort of statistic and it will tell you that the west was and still is being hit hard in this economic crisis.
Fortunately I now have a job. For a while I wasn't so sure I'd find one.
Physically I have decluttered from a 3,000 square foot home to an 1800 square foot home. It feels great!!! It took almost a year, but I was able to do it and I feel so much lighter. It's been a bit of an adjustment fitting even my most cherished belongings into this home. My pottery collection, for example
...even though I've kept so many pieces, they just don't work now. Lots of furniture was sold, little treasures were either sold or given away, and of course a lot of my wardrobe was given away. I didn't wear most of the stuff...you know, just waiting until the right moment, or until I was able to fit into certain items again...Gone.
Emotionally I'm not sure decluttering would be the right word. It seems almost disrespectful. I still miss my Murman.
It's difficult fo me especially at night when I'm not able to sleep and my mind just runs amuck.
He wasnt' in his new home even six months. He was so happy here until his condition got worse. I knew he was in constant pain unless he was drugged up on pain killers and anti-inflamatory meds. There's not a day goes by that I don't recall his life leaving his body as his head sank into my hands. God it hurt! Still does. I don't think I'll ever really get over. I'll just learn to live with it.
It's just after midnight and I'm looking at my beautiful home, dimly lit and freshly cleaned. I am very fortunate to have this. Some people don't even have a home....some don't even have a roof over their heads. I am grateful; the moment is peaceful and all is calm. I love late nights alone, it causes me to be very pensive.
With that I'll call it a day. I indeed, have rambled, but it is what it is.
"The last stroke of midnight dies,
all day in the one chair
From dream to dream and rhyme to rhyme I have ranged.
In rambling talk with an image of air
vague memories, nothing but memories."
(William Butler Yeats)
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