The Dilemma of Growing Old

How can I feel so young, yet so old at the same time???  Fortunately for me, I look in the mirror and see someone my daughter's age. 




 I mean, I know that's not what I look like, but that's what I see. That is until, I am beside people my daughter's age. Yet I  do feel young.  I really do.  I feel like the world, life is still so ahead of me.  But in reality that's not so.  According to statistics I'm on a down hill journey towards my real home. \





I've accomplished a lot, but not enough.  I've done so much, but not enough.  And of course (for the sake of comedic relief)  I've lost a lot of weight, but of course, not enough. I've often said that I feel like a cat with nine lives.  And indeed I do.  However, this cat is on her ninth life I do believe. \


My son was talking to my daughter and her husband about a weekend long concert he is going to soon.  Sort of like our (meaning my generation's) Woodstock.  But when I commented about how it just didn't seem desirable to camp out in steamy hot weather, stay up until the wee hours only to be awakened at dawn, and roughing it just to hear a favorite band, he laughed and shook his head and said something like, "Mom, things are so much better these days."  Ya know, I hate it when my kids do that.  You know, just look at each other, laugh and shake their heads as if to say, "Poor ole ma...she just doesn't get it."



But then again maybe it's the oldness in me that resents things like that...when my kids seem, in my opinion, condescending. I don't seem to have that adventurous spirit I used to have. 




When I think of it though, maybe I never really did.  Maybe I did all those "daring" things just so I could prove to myself I actually could do them. In any case, I don't want to grow old and I don't like growing old. I don't like anything about it and I'll spare you the details.



 I read a book my daughter loaned me and the author wrote all the very specific reasons why growing old sucks. No, I don't believe it's just our "youth" culture here in the west that promotes youth.  I believe we weren't meant to grow old to begin with. But something, obviously, went terribly wrong, and death entered along with wrinkly skin, saggy, tired eyes, age spots, hair where there shouldn't be any, and a myriad of other things I said I wouldn't go into. 


I love this blog.  Sometimes I have a huge writers block.  Not tonight.  I am enjoying letting my words flow and I am enjoying such a beautiful April evening.  I am love venting with laptop and keyboard. Here in the desert it is beautifully cool and all of nature is alive and well, and letting us humans know.  My windows are open, of course, and the dogs are on the bed with me as I type.  I love life.  I guess that's why I don't want to die.  But I will. And my kids will be sad and learn not to laugh and shake their heads at old people, because they will begin to learn it's now themselves that are old. 



 My husband will certainly not be able to keep the house organized, clean and beautiful the way I like, and God only knows what will become of my babies with  four legs.

There is this stupid saying that has gone around for eons.  "Grow old gracefully."  Really?  What does that mean exactly?



  From what I understand it means let your skin sag, let your eyes look like they are about to close for the last time, and for God's sake, when there are family gatherings, make sure you don't act like you know anything about much.  And in doing so, act like you're very, very wise and appear as if you know all the mysteries of life.  I know, I sound cynical.....I sound a bit bitter.  But I'm really not.  It's a Wednesday night and all is well.  I love that I work out and that my body is relatively pretty darn strong , I love that I enjoy dancing, I love that I love my dogs....so, good night...good night...let me say good night til it be morrow.